How do you tell? - Herpes Message Board

dontknowhat2do · 10-22-2007, 07:39 PM

How do you tell your partner you have herpes?...How do you explain the concept to them?...

My dr didnt do very well with explaing it to me due to what I have read on different websites. My understanding is that I have contracted the virus about three months ago. My HSV antibody count was at 80% for HSV2 and I take it 20% for HSV1. My Dr told me that according to my antibody count I could not have aquired the virus after having sex a week ago but I havent had it more than 3 to 4 months...Does this sound correct or did I totally misunderstand what he was saying?

catharine101 · 10-22-2007, 08:09 PM

The blood test cannot tell you how long you've had the virus. Your doctor is correct in saying that it wouldn't be from an encounter a few days ago - it takes 3 - 4 months for the antibodies to build up enough in your system to show up positive on a blood test. Perhaps that's what he was trying to tell you.

How to tell a partner - everyone has their own approach. First, get educated - the more you know, the calmer and mor informed you will sound. If you aren't panicking, there is less chance your partner will. Don't tell your partner just before you have sex either - kind of puts a damper on things. In fact, I wouldn't even tell my partner in bed at all. After that, it's really up to you how you do it - but the most important thing is to have your facts straight so that you can answer the questions that will be asked.

Incidentally - I'm no expert on test results, but I've never seen any results expressed as a percentage before. Generally it's expressed as a decimal, for instance 1.9. I wonder if your doctor was trying to tell you the percentage of people who have HSV?? He might have been trying to say 80% have HSV1 and 20% have HSV2 - those numbers are pretty close... Anyway, I'd get a copy of your test results and see what they really say, so you can know for sure what exactly you are positive for!

dontknowhat2do · 10-22-2007, 08:36 PM

Thanks so much for the quick response! I thought me having these anxiety attacks and crying spells were crazy...I hope this is not the end all be all to my relationship. There are so many questions and not enough for concrete infromation for more accurate results. Thanks for the infromation.

catharine101 · 10-22-2007, 09:06 PM

You should download a document called the "Herpes Handbook" by Terri Warren. It gives all kinds of details regarding symptoms, transmission etc. that will arm you with all the basic and some not-so-basic information that is really important. Plus, it's written in English, not medical-ese.

There is even a section in the handbook about how to tell your partner - I guess I should have mentioned that before!! A very good read.

You are not crazy for all the crying, depression, axiety etc. It's very normal. We've all dealt with it, and in fact still deal with it. (I cried myself to sleep last night, if that makes you feel better!!)

But it does get better, and it does get easier. And if your partner values you for you, and not the sex you are having, he/she will totally understand this and accept it.

Cheers!