toughspot

In my pervious posts I think I've given the message that my gf and I are both being very cautions. Hate to say it but that flew out the window on a vacation we went on together and we "did the deed."

My gf's message to me was basically that I've had two doctors look at it, one being a dermatologist who looked at it twice, and said no herpes. I know that the there is a chance that I may have it and I was frank with her about that. I told her we can't be 100% sure that I don't have it and that I want her to make up her own mind about what she's comfortable with. If she wants to wait, that's fine. However, if she's to the point where she wants to move forward then I understand as well. I don't want to sacrifice my relationship over being so causious that we can't take the advice of my dermatologist.

I personally am to the point where I feel I've really done as much as I can do short of waiting 4 months for the test resulst. After seeing my dermatologist I feel pretty certain that what I've got is not herpes but is some kind of skin irritation. I suppose he could be wrong but after having him look at it and after having expressed all of the agruments that have come up in this forum (i.e., any skin irritation could be herpes) he stood firm on his position. And I very much trust this dermatologist, he's a local expert and has been practicing dermatology for over 20 years. He also told me he's diagnosed numerous cases of herpes that other doctors had mis-diagnosed as something else. Needless to say I felt he was competent and would know herpes when he sees it. Had I been going to a green GP right out of med school I'd have felt differently.

Now that said, I told my gf that I could have herpes. But I also told her that I did see the dermatologist twice and he said "no herpes". I'm not going to surgar coat things but I'm not going to paint a gloom and doom picture either. I was realistic about it and told her what my doctors have said but I've also told her the statistics indicate I may still have it.

Further, I also told her that it was her decicsion about how she wanted to proceed and that my vote was that I felt confident I don't have it but I can't be 100% sure until after 4 months. She said that after having a swab test and two doctors look at it that it's time to let it go and move on.

Also, after she took her position on the matter (i.e., that she was ready to move on) any further intimacy delay for the purposes of being 100% sure was going to be detrimental to our relationship. As any FYI, she wasn't interested in researching, discussing or focusing on herpes any longer since it had been a three week ordeal where I had been to the doctor three times, all of which saying "no herpes".

As for my 2 cents, I doubt I have herpes. I went through an initial scare, but my sx's are down and I've had a reputable dermatologist look at it twice. I suppose anything's possible but realistically the chances that I've got herpes are pretty slim. I don't have typical lesions, my rash/irritation is very mobile and does not reappear in the same place, and two doctors have looked at it and said "no herpes".

No, it's not iron clad evidence I don't have it. And no, chances are my gf isn't fully prepared to deal with having herpes should she have contracted it. However, that said, the chances are slim and if the worst case scenario plays out then we'll deal with it then.

I know there are others here who will argue that "you can't be 100% sure without a blood test until after four months". My response to that is, life isn't risk free, but it's important to risk responsibly and base your decisions off the best information available. I feel in my heart that I have done everything I could and my gf and I have made independent choices about what level of risk we're willint to tolerate.

Also, I would say to those looking for 100% certainty, I saw a skin specialist who in all likelihood knows more about medicine than all of us put together and, further, focuses specifically on the skin. I'm going to trust his advice. Statisics about herpes can be anything we want them to be and shouldn't be blindly relied upon since every individual case is different, which is why I went to see my dermatologist. If I thought I could get an accurate diagnosis off the Internet I wouldn't have need for a doctor. However, if he's wrong then I'll direct my anger and frustration at him and go find myself a good lawyer.