I need help - Herpes Message Board

princessgirlie · 04-01-2003, 04:00 AM

I went to the doctors last night and found out that I have herpes. The guy I contracted it from was my boyfriend of two years. He cheated on me many times and always told me he was 100 percent clean. Well I know for a fact that is wrong now. I was wondering is there some kind of legal action I can take and if there is would this be a case that I might want to use it in?? TO back it up more when we were in the end part of our relationship he use to get online and be like oh by the way I have herpes and I hope you get it. Then like an hour later be like I was just joking with you I do not have it. He would do stuff like that to get at me emotionally. I dont know what to do. I am only 18 years old I dont know how to deal with this yet.

20/20Hindsight · 04-01-2003, 09:32 AM

First, may I suggest never speaking to him again?

Like you, I believe that the person who infected me knew that he had it. I did a web search about laws concerning transmission of STD's. Unfortunately for me, the state of CT does not have such a law, but there are several states that do. It might be worth a try. Good Luck.

princessgirlie · 04-01-2003, 09:37 AM

Yeah it sucks knowing that someone you though you loved could do that to you. He also did a ton of emotional damage to me. I havnt talked to him in a while but I feel like I should confront him now. I am so sorry this happened to you too.

TheOneInFour · 04-01-2003, 12:46 PM

Hi Princess,

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Most people who know (or even suspect) they have herpes are honest with their partners. It's the few bad eggs like your ex-bf who make a difficult thing much worse and more painful.

I really want to support and encourage you to empower yourself against him or anyone else who treats you with disrespect or abuse. It sounds like his lack of honesty about herpes was just part of a bigger pattern of disrespectful behaviour and attitudes. You absolutely have the right to stand up and refuse to be treated like that, by him or anyone else.

Unfortunately it's hard to prove that someone knew they had herpes when they had sex with you and that they knew the risks. I'm not even close to being a lawyer but I suspect that's one reason why you rarely (if ever) see cases about it. Unless there are medical records (which are confidential) or witnesses who can prove he had it and knew about it and knew the risks, and unless you could prove there was no way you could have caught it from another source...there's probably nothing you can do legally. And as 20/20 mentioned, laws will vary considerably from place to place.

There is also a possibility that he really didn't know for sure. As many as 90% of people with genital herpes are undiagnosed, either because they don't get symptoms or because they don't realise their symptoms are herpes. So even if he suspected, he might not have known for sure, and many people who suspect they have it are scared to find out for sure. And even if he knew he had it, he might not have realised he could pass it on when he wasn't having an outbreak (a persistent misconception based on outdated information).

Do you know if you have HSV-1 or HSV-2? If it's HSV-1, you probably got it from someone who gets cold sores who gave you oral sex. 50-90% of the general population has HSV-1 orally (cold sores), and most of them don't realise they can pass it to their partner's genitals by giving them oral sex. It's worth finding out from your doc which type you have.

If you live in a place with a Planned Parenthood office nearby, they often run support groups for people with herpes, and sometimes they have programs and counselling for young people like yourself. Your doctor might also know if there is a support group in your area. I think having some support and people you can talk to will help you learn how to deal with this.

In the meantime, do some reading and learn more about it. Check out the Resource Links in this board for a starting place. Check into past messages and discussions on this board too.

Good luck! Let us know how you're making out.

TheOneInFour

princessgirlie · 04-01-2003, 02:10 PM

Thank you both so much for all of your input. It just ****es me off that I could of gotten this from someone he told me they loved me and would never let anything in this world hurt me. I know people can live with this disease but I almost feel like the life I had is over now and a new one has started because of many of the precautions I am having to take. My doctor actually told me that some people have to pee through toilet papers rolls because the pain is so incredible. Things like that scare me. I know that I can live a very healthy normal life with this but I am still scared that people are going to turn on me. I had to tell the person I am with last night and he told me we would do a ton of research together and get through this. I was not expecting that or the fact that my best friend held my hand through the culture which might I say hurts like no other. I dont think I could ever take legal action against him because I do not want to make public light out of my business. Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. I have HSV-2. I got it from actual sex not oral sex.