I'm sorry to hear you're having such an awful time with this.
I was wondering as I read your description, though, if what you have might be due to shingles rather than genital herpes. Shingles is also caused by a member of the herpes virus family (the same virus that causes chicken pox, which in some people can morph into shingles in later life).
Shingles can cause nerve damage which can be extremely painful. It is usually (but not always, from what I understand) accompanied by rash-like symptoms in the affected area but I think the neuralgia (nerve pain) can linger after the visible symptoms are gone. Valtrex may also prescribed for shingles, although often in much higher doses, but it helps calm it and (if I'm not mistaken) can prevent worsening of the nerve damage which can often increase over time.
Sorry, I don't mean to scare you and I must qualify this by saying I'm not a health professional. If it were me, I'd talk to a neurologist about it. It certainly sounds like it's a neuralgia of sorts (which I believe is an umbrella term for nerve pain), so a neurologist could possibly tell you if it's shingles or something else related to the genital herpes or something else entirely. I have also suffered from a type of neuralgia in my outer thigh that's from a pinched nerve at my groin -- nothing to do with my genital herpes. Not a lot of fun.
In the meantime, have you tried an ice pack at the lumbar region and along the pain areas? (10 minutes on, 10 off) You might also try an anti-inflammatory like Advil, which could be helpful when taken regularly. Gentle stretches to loosen up the muscles around the lower spine and hip joints might also help over time, but if it makes it worse then stop and consult your doctor.
I'm really sad to hear how alone and unsupported you feel by your family at a time when you're obviously struggling with more than your share of problems. Maybe you need to be clearer with them about how much you're suffering right now. Nerve pain like that can eat away at your concentration, your energy and your sanity. You deserve to be supported enough that you don't feel so alone.
Good luck! I hope you find relief. Let us know how you make out.