love and herpes - Herpes Message Board

alamode · 06-07-2003, 11:22 AM

i have been having back to back genital outbreaks for a long time now. prescription meds didn't work, OLE and OOO are providing some relief but the sores never stay gone for more than a day. needless to say my sex life is lacking.

i have a boyfriend, we're deeply inlove, but we're still trying to figure out how to deal with this thing. the herpes has made me dissinterested in any sexual activity, i mean sometimes i can't even bring myself to kiss him because it makes me feel so bad that we can't do more. i think i've become really selfish about it. the result is my unbearable guilt and fear and his complete dissatisfaction. we finally had a long hard talk about it last night. we both pledged to find ways to pleasure eachother that work around the problem. we're learning things about eachother that maybe we wouldn't have if we didn't have this obstacle!

can i just tell you guys that a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. i woke up this morning feeling better than i have in months. there's no doubt that stress is the enemy here. not only do we have the stress of our everyday lives, but having herpes gives us that much more to stress out about. i've decided to not let this problem interfere with my life. i can still be who i was before this happened. i can be in love. i can have a sexual relationship with my boyfriend. i can kiss him a lot because that does give us both a lot of pleasure! but most importantly i'm learning how to talk about it with him. communicating to him about how i'm feeling and how i'm doing (and letting him look around down there) just opened up new doors for us.

i just wanted to share my breakthrough with all of you. maybe it can help. maybe someone has more ideas/advice. i want to hear about your relationships and how that have evolved. how can we learn to take care of ourselves and those we love at the same time?

sadgirl222 · 06-08-2003, 09:45 AM

alamode~~

I am struggling with the same problem you are. Back to back problems and trying to keep my relationship "normal." I too am deeply in love with my boyfriend and he is very supportive. He does not have any problems and I am not even sure he has HSV. It is VERY difficult to have a sex life when you constantly have symptoms!! In a way, I feel like my love for him has grown stronger since all this because he is completely accepting of me and understanding.

It's great to hear you'll are finding other ways to please yourselves...Even if it means just laying together and holding each other and just being affectionate. I understand completely your feelings of being turned off toward sex. At first, every time we would be intimate in any way and I felt any pain/discomfort, I would get very angry at the a@@hole who gave it to me and I would get instantly turned off. I thought I'd have to feel this pain forever from one night of meaningless stupidness.

ANYWAY...that was really bothering him and now I am realizing that just being into him and not getting emotional over it is what he needed. Things are getting much better--and I believe this nightmare will end soon....somehow...

We are lucky to have these guys in our life who support us!

And one thing about OLE and OOO~~Since taking them together I have had this major increase in energy. Even when physically I don't feel good, emotionally I am always on some sort of "high." This keeps me in a good mood no matter what and even my boyfriend has noticed...