TheOneInFour

I'm going to refer you mostly back to the reply I gave to your first post, but I'll add a bit here. What he's going through is very common and "normal" for someone in his position. Most people who have genital herpes don't know it because they don't get symptoms or their symptoms are mild or atypical so they don't realise that's what it is. And many doctors don't have up to date knowledge about herpes, so they might not recognise it either. And there's very little education about herpes out there lately, so how's a guy to know?

It's natural to feel badly initially, but he needs to forgive himself for being fallibly human and not knowing what he had little or no way of knowing. This may take some time for him. There have been discussions on this board in the last several months with people who have experienced the same thing. You might find it enlightening to read through some of them.

He needs his own support right now, I think. A herpes support group or one-on-one counselling through a place like Planned Parenthood or an STD clinic (or referred by either of them) could help him get over this hump. He's dealing with a double shock right now: (1) he has found out he has herpes when he didn't even suspect it, and (2) he has found out he has inadvertently infected the person he cares deeply about. Both are upsetting, shocking and a prime breeding ground for guilt.

He needs to give himself time to get past this, but he probably will also need support. The more he keeps everything all bottled up inside of him, the more it will hurt. And the more he allows himself only to talk to you about it, the harder that's going to be on your relationship. You both need separate support systems for a while, I think.

Good luck! Keep us posted how you're both making out.

TheOneInFour