finger concerns - Herpes Message Board

NoRain · 08-13-2003, 01:00 AM

Ok, my big problem right now is that if I can't adjust to living with this myself, I certainly can't adjust to living with the reality of having a boyfriend. I can't get over the fact that it could be dangerous to touch my own genital area or mouth area at any time, even when there is no sore.. (for fear of getting an H infection on my hand). I feel like I can never let my boyfriend touch me there again, or it may happen to him. Sophia, thanks for your input in the other thread, it is the only thing helping me right now to make this fear less.

I am trying to think to myself that if 1 out of 4 women really have this, and guys are using their hands on girls down there all the time, there would be a much higher rate of guys getting H on their fingers if it were that easy to get, and people would know about it, right?

I feel so lucky to have an understanding boyfriend but if I can't get past these fears I may lose him.. but if the fears are valid I don't know what to do.

[This message has been edited by NoRain (edited 08-13-2003).]

TheOneInFour · 08-13-2003, 01:30 AM

You know, NoRain, you talked about how you are protective but it sounds to me like you might be trying to take too much responsibility for something that is not *just* your decision. You can't completely control what happens. You can minimise risk but guarantees are not possible...about anything in life.

I understand that you're trying to learn about how to minimise the risk, but I keep hearing you trying to make guarantees happen and you trying to find a way that you can take the responsibility for that risk. It's not just your decision; it's your bf's too. The *two* of you need to learn more about this and talk about it and decide *jointly*, not just you. If he already has herpes, he's not facing any risk that he wouldn't face with anyone else (and perhaps less-so than with someone else).

Get the facts. Get the tests done. Read up on it. Talk about it with each other. Make a decision as a couple.

TheOneInFour

SophiaM · 08-13-2003, 02:00 PM

NoRain, please stop freaking out, you're making yourself miserable. Number one, you don't even know if you have H orally or genitally. Number two, even if you do have it in either location, the possibility of it spreading to your fingers is almost zero. Most people(95-98%)get HSV1 in childhood, so if it was so easy to spread it, there would be an awfully large number of kids walking around with genital herpes and herpes on their fingers/all over their bodies. Think about it. Kids are not careful of what/where they touch. When you have a cold sore or any sore on your genital area, just wash your hands with soap and water before touching anything. When you don't, just try to live a normal life. I suspect this dreaded asymptomatic shedding is really quite infrequent, and some people might not experience it at all.

NoRain · 08-13-2003, 04:33 PM

Thanks TheOneInFour and SophiaM, I am trying very hard to take your advice and calm down. I am also seeing a psychologist to help me deal with some of this stuff in case I need some extra help

But actually right now I feel the closest to normal I have felt since this all started.. I think my outbreak (if that's what it is) is over or almost over, I have a dermatologist and gynecologist scheduled for Friday, and I am trying to put things into perspective. I will update when I have some news. Best wishes to everyone!