I Feel Completely Empty And Confused....
About 1 Year Ago I Went To The Doctor For My Annual Check Up And Asked For An Std Test... Which Came Back Positive For H2. I Have Never Cried So Hard In My Entire Life!
I Have Tried To Get Answers From Numerous Doctors Who Seem To Be Giving Me So Many Different Repsonses.
I Have Been Told That I SOME POINT I CAME Into Contact With The Herpes Virus. I Have Never Had Any Symptoms Or Outbreaks.
They Tell Me That I Have The Antibodies For The Virus.
But That I Most Likely Will Not Spread The Virus..
And I Only Really Have To Worry About It When I Get Pregnant.
Which Contradicts Many Things That I Read!
I Have Been Dating This Guy For About 2 Months And Really Like Him, But Am Not Sure If I Can Fully Trust Him. I Want To Tell Him But I Am Scared For Him Leaving Me. Or Telling Other People In Our Small Community.
I Have Had Sex With Him A Few Times And Have Used Protection (of Course), But I Know That He Has The Right To Know That I Have Herpes And I Really Don't Know How To Handle This Situation.
This Is My First Relationship Since Finding Out I Have Been Infected.
So Please, If Anyone Has Any Advice For Me Please Respond To This!
Last edited by CONFUSED1224; 06-10-2008 at 03:19 PM.
"I Have Been Told That I SOME POINT I CAME Into Contact With The Herpes Virus. I Have Never Had Any Symptoms Or Outbreaks." I hate that term - "exposed". You either have it or you don't. Just like you can't be a little bit pregnant. I think it's what they teach doctors in school so we don't freak out (still do) when we hear "you have herpes". Truth is, most symptoms are either mild or rationalized away as jock itch, bumps from shaving, yeast infections etc. That is how most of us got here by contact with someone who did not know they had it.
"They Tell Me That I Have The Antibodies For The Virus.
But That I Most Likely Will Not Spread The Virus." False. You can have no symptoms showing and still pass on the virus through skin to skin contact. It's called asymptomatic shedding. Problem is, there is no 'test' to tell if you are shedding. The research I believe says 10% of the days - i.e. 3-4 days a month.
"And I Only Really Have To Worry About It When I Get Pregnant.
Which Contradicts Many Things That I Read!" False. See above.
"I Have Had Sex With Him A Few Times And Have Used Protection (of Course), But I Know That He Has The Right To Know That I Have Herpes And I Really Don't Know How To Handle This Situation." Arm yourself with the facts before you talk to him about it (but yes, you do need to tell him). Have you discussed suppressive therapy (drugs- Valtrex etc) to reduce the risk of spreading it to a partner? If your doctor does not seem helpful or knowledgeable about herpes try an std clinic like Planned Parenthood or something. They usually have lots of information and literature and such.
I know it seems like the end of the world. They say it gets better over time and your body learns to deal with the virus. For me I had a horrible 3 month bout from Sept - Nov of last year. Was feeling pretty good but this week - whammo. It'sssss bbbbbaaaaaccckkkkkk. Drat.
Good luck. Read past posts. Learn as much as you can and be good to yourself. A healthy immune system is your best defense.
Thank You For Responding. I Am Still Very Confused Though. You Seem Like You Have Alot Of Knowledge Of This.
I Can Still Pass The Virus To My Partner If I'm Not Having An Outbreak? And We Are Using Protection?
Now I Feel Terrible, I Have Been Mislead This Entire Time By My Doctors And There Is A Possibility That I Have Already Spread This To Him?
I Have Already Had Sex With Him, And To Be Honest I Am Terrified Of What His Reaction Is Going To Be When I Tell Him.
I Have Only Been Dating Him 2 Months And He Doesn't Consider Me His "girlfriend" (i Think He Is Dating Other Girls As Well) - So He Is For Sure Not Going To Want To Continue Dating Me After I Tell Him. And To Top It Off, We Know Alot Of The Same People (i Am 27 Yrs Old) And Live In A Small Community.
I Can Handle Him Not Wanting To Be With Me After I Tell Him!
I Cannot Handle Him Telling Everyone I Know!!!!
I Know I Have To Tell Him, And I Am Going To. Don't Get Me Wrong. I Think About This On A Daily Basis.
Please Give Me Some Advice If You Have Ever Been In A Similar Situation.
I Am Still Trying To Come To Terms With Having The Virus. I Cry All The Time, Feeling Like My Life Is Over B/c Whenever I Tell Someone They Are Going To Leave.
The Scary Thing For Me Is If The Roles Were Reversed I Wouldn't Want To Be With A Guy That Told Me He Had Herpes.
I Know That Sounds Terrible, But I Am Being Honest. And I Constantly Beat Myself Up For Having The Virus.
I Have Been Extremely Depressed Since Finding Out, Even Hospitalized For Anxiety. I Can't Help But To Feel Like My Life Is Over. =(
<I Can Still Pass The Virus To My Partner If I'm Not Having An Outbreak? And We Are Using Protection?>
I did not mean to scare you, my point was only that there is always some risk if you have it of passing it on. Protection reduces that risk. Sex with no obvious outbreak or “I think something is happening down there” type of feelings reduces the risk. Valtrex suppressive drug therapy reduces the risk further. Somewhere on this board you can find the actual stats … I’m sure someone will pipe in with them. My reply to you was in response to your doctor telling you that you can’t pass it on if you are not having an outbreak.
<I Have Only Been Dating Him 2 Months And He Doesn't Consider Me His "girlfriend" (i Think He Is Dating Other Girls As Well) - So He Is For Sure Not Going To Want To Continue Dating Me After I Tell Him. And To Top It Off, We Know Alot Of The Same People (i Am 27 Yrs Old) And Live In A Small Community.>
Kinda same situation for me. I have been with my partner for 6 years – totally faithful. He also has other girls occassionally. I deal with it. Have always gotten tested and everything was fine. Then HPV showed up on my pap. A few months later HSV. (His test showed negative so far.) Rejection is a real risk when you tell someone. But I think of how I felt when I found out and I would NEVER want anyone to feel that way. Why not just broach the subject as “I think we should BOTH be tested for all STDS before we go further.” This virus is pretty common. Lots have it without knowing it. Maybe he already has it too and just has not recognized the symptoms?
<I Cry All The Time, Feeling Like My Life Is Over B/c Whenever I Tell Someone They Are Going To Leave. The Scary Thing For Me Is If The Roles Were Reversed I Wouldn't Want To Be With A Guy That Told Me He Had Herpes. I Have Been Extremely Depressed Since Finding Out, Even Hospitalized For Anxiety. I Can't Help But To Feel Like My Life Is Over.>
These are natural feelings. I would say all of us on this board have when we first find out. It gets better. Even as I sit here with my YOO-WHO on fire from my latest outbreak, I know that I’m still the same person I was before the virus came into my life. You need to learn as much as you can. Read the thread up above on “Happy Couples”. There are people who value the worth of the relationship over the virus. I am still with the same person. He does not care that I have this. We do what we can to reduce the risk. He already has type 1 cold sores so he understands the process. He also has HPV. We don’t engage in oral sex if either of us feels something coming on. It’s not fatal. We love what matters most about each other. We are not kids – heading to 50 soon. Ugh.. I do think all the time that if we were to stop seeing each other that I would end up being alone. But if 1 in 5 men already have this virus – THEY must be looking for us too? Read the posts. There are people with better advice then myself. I’m still a newbie learning to deal with it all. People like MatterofTime, Oasis, Oceanus, Catherine101 or is it 102 now.
Take a breath. Go out and do something nice for yourself. Stressing out will only make it worse.
Don't beat yourself up over it. It IS common, though most people are ignorant to the fact they have it. Let me tell you a story...
I always felt like I would be the first person to dump someone if I was dating them and they told me they had some incurable STD. And then I met my current girlfriend. We dated for about a month, but she was hesitant to take it to the next step and I found out why. She told me she had herpes and cried and was very upset. Was it shocking to me? Yeah... Did it end us? No. I did some homework and we are going to deal with it.
An STD isn't even the big deal in my opinion. It's the social stigma attached to it. Think about this - people have "cold sores" on their mouths all the time! We don't even think twice. But the same thing near your crotch is perceived as the worst thing ever! It's totally hypocritical, and people are learning to see that. Arm yourself with knowledge, and let the rest fall where it may. You might just be surprised.
I Did It !!! I Told Him 2nite.
I Do Feel Better Now. (surprisingly). I Feel Like For The First Time I Am Really Accepting That I Have This And It's Gonna Be Okay.
He Was Very Quiet When I Told Him. I Don't Blame Him, I Don't Even Know How I Would Have Responded If The Shoe Were On The Other Foot.
Not Really Sure What This Means From This Point. I Guess I'll Have To See What Happens Over The Next Few Days.
But Either Way, I Am Glad That I Told Him.
So If Anyone Is Reading This And Was Scared To Tell Their Partner, I Just Want You To Know.. It's Going To Be Okay. It's Not As Scary Once The Words Start Coming Out.
I Read Alot On The Subject Beforehand. And I Think The Most Important Thing I Read Was To Not Get Overly Upset When Telling Your Partner. If You Lose It (although That Might Be What You Want To Do) That Is Going To Make It Seem Alot Worse Than It Really Is.
I Have This Virus And Yes It Sucks.. But, It Doesn't Change The Person That I Am. And For The First Time I Accept That I Have Herpes.
So I Just Wanted To Thank Everyone For Helping Me Get Through This!
Good for you!! the first time is always the worst. I have some friends that are extremely up front about it. I tell, but wait long enough to see if i'm romantically interested in them. I haven't been rejected because of it. I too was diagnosed while seeing someone. It took 6 months to get diagnosed.. couldn't get into the doctor while i had an ob. The initial episode i went to the doctor and he treated me for the symptoms and blood in my urine..never "examined" me. My obgyn was upset. I was so sick, i never thought of it being a STD problem. I wish he would have, he seemed more sympathetic. He retired before i actually got the diagnosis and his partner did it. That doc had no bedside manner or just didn't know how to tell me. He said he was pretty sure that is what it was, in about 10 days the culture will be back and handed me a pamphlet at arms length like i was contagious.
You will learn it will show you what your potential partners are made of..