The worst part... - Herpes Message Board

freakedoutfemme · 09-24-2003, 06:25 PM

In my case I think the worst part of being diagnosed with herpes just a few weeks ago is that it not only made me realize that I have an incurable sexually transmitted disease but that as a result the relationship I was beginning with much enthusiasm and that meant more to me than any relationship I've had in the past decade, not counting my previous marriage - went kaputz!
To all those couples and especially the newlywed ones who have each other's support... value that for it is so bad to feel rejected for something physical when everything else, spiritually, emotionally, intellectually... etc...etc was so in sync.
My partner (or ex at this point maybe) is one of the most decent men I've ever met. Unfortunately I didn't know I carried this thing around with me and as a result of sleeping together for the first time after a few months of developing the most wonderful relationship, he got a reaction and that was when the pressure began. It's so sad to think that just a few days before this story of our lives began, we were expressing how happy we were with each other and how perfect it was being together.
Anyway, I accept herpes... I just have a hard time accepting whatever negative love situations I may be in as a result of it.
I think the emotional part is the worst for me... to feel lonely in this situation. I feel bad enough thinking I may have passed it on to him but to have lost him too may change my aspect on love forever.
Please people... those who are together still, make sure you provide each other with support and understand that it doesn't make your love any different. Of course it may inconvenience you a little or a lot depending on the severity or frequency of your symptoms but hopefully we won't see this as a death sentence and instead find ways to be more romantic with each other... to be more compassionate with most of the rest of society which will inevitably suffer from an std at some point of their lives.
thank you for allowing me to vent

notsobad · 09-25-2003, 08:55 AM

Freakedout...refresh my memory about your situation. You were dating a great guy and you discovered you had herpes and you told him or you gave it to him and that's how you both found out? I have had to deal with this situation myself and would like to share my insight. I was involved with a wonderful person whom I was about to marry. I let the cat out the bag and let's say things went downhill from there.

At first I felt really rejected...but then I realized was he truly the person for me??? You have to ask yourself...if herpes can run this guy off...was he really for you. There are several guys on this board who are dating women and are married to women with herpes...and they profess how much they love the woman and it really doesn't matter. Isn't that the type of love you want..I know I do. I think the men that run are the ones that place *self* first and everyone else is second. I feel the reaction to the herpes is "Why should I put myself at risk?" They don't feel its worth the risk..they don't feel you are worth the risk..you don't need him.

If you gave it to him and he got ****ed then he is still being unreasonable because you didn't know yourself. If he holds that against you then to me he is not that compassionate..not good IMO.

freakedoutfemme · 09-25-2003, 04:56 PM

You are absolutely right. The day someone wants to be with me for real... herpes won't be a deterrent. You also have a good memory cause we both found out that I had it after he got some symptoms from being with me. I think this situation is a test for people to recognize how loving they truly are. I know my friend is a loving man... however... some people put conditions on love and are not always prepared to react positively when situations like this come up. I know I am... and if I wasn't... I sure am now... to deal with many things. It's made me very reflective.
So in summary what I want is someone who can step out of his little circle and be greater than that.
thanks for your support

TickledPeenk · 09-26-2003, 01:19 AM

I hope that this man has the decency to realize that you ARE worth the risk. If he moved on, he could just as easily get it from any other person he ever sleeps with.
I think it's ironic that once I ended up in a monogamous, loving relationship, I get the first STD I've ever gotten. But I am GLAD that I got it from my BF instead of some one night stand and LUCKY that I didn't get it sooner than I did. Or something else like genital warts or even HIV.

notsobad · 09-26-2003, 05:31 AM

What's up RapItUp....glad you joined us. :-) Let me see how I should properly respond to your post. I think its reasonable to understand you not wanting to have sex with anyone with an std. I am pretty sure you are in a phase of having "casual sex" right now and well...of course you don't want to risk catching an STD from a fling.

I think if you were to meet someone and start to form something meaningful your opinion would change. I contracted herpes from a man that I dated for nearly 2 years..he knew he had it and did not say anything to me. By the time I found out it was too late..I already had it. He was a total jacka$$ the entire time we dated...if he had told me he had herpes...I would have run for the heals..he wasn't worth it.

I have always been in monogomous relationships and have never slept around. I have even always questioned guys I dated about their sexual past...my ex boyfriend lied about his..in short he use to be and still is a whoe! Now I am stuck with what he did to me knowing he didn't want anything longterm.

Now if I meet a new guy( and I did) and he wants to form a serious relationship with me...and its based on "love" then I don't think herpes should run him off. I didn't get mad at the guy for wanting to walk away..I was proud that I gave atleast one individual the choice that I didn't have. I could have kept my mouth shut and let him find out later if at all...but why do that to someone. Im sorry RapItUp...but in my opinion you can only respect a person that looks out for your well-being and give you the choice that they probably didn't have.

I read a poll yesterday and it stated the percentage of people who contracted herpes from someone that knew and didn't tell and it was 93.5%. Another question was how many people had secretly infected someone else by not telling and the number was like 68%. Basically...most people know they have it and just like the girl you got with...they choose not to say nothing.

Its apparent you are not trying to do anything with anyone right now other than screw but one day when you are ready to get with someone on a meaningful level you will probably change your views.

Wanted to add this too..not sure how old you are but if you have a couple more nights of alcohol and s*x...let's just say you will probably be lucky if herpes is all you get...be informed you can get genital herpes by having oral sex(hsvI)....so as your name states..I suggest you always wrapitup!

[This message has been edited by notsobad (edited 09-26-2003).]