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Old 01-18-2007, 03:18 PM   #151
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Re: Happy Couples

Hello everyone,

I'm also new at this. I am currently seing a guy who has HSV2. He was honest with me from the beginning and I decided to go ahead and continue the relationship anyways. I have to admit, it is on my mind quite often, since I can't deny I am scared to catch the virus. But I've told myself that this guy could be my soulmate, and I won't let this virus come between us. We've only been seing eachother for over a month now...Can anyone tell me if someday I will stop being scared and just enjoy my relationship with him?

And a suggestion for all of you who dont know how to tell your partner you have Herpes. Tell them from the start and be honest. My BF told me on our second date and that is one of the reasons i decided to stick with him. I figured if he could be honest and upfront about something so difficult to talk about, then he was a keeper. :-)

Good luck to all, and thanks to all the wonderful stories.

 
Old 01-19-2007, 10:37 PM   #152
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BurnedByAnAngel HB User
Re: Happy Couples

Wow, so it says my last log on was May 2006. Any way, I doubt anyone remembers me but I had an OB today and the site popped in my head. Sometimes the irony of irony is ironic. LOL. Well here's my update for those that care. Hopefully this will at least help or inspire others. Especially the new comers....

Lil background info, Ive now had herp for about 3 years. Im 24 now. After I got over the initial shock and depression stage that Im sure most of us probably went or will go through, I tried to be as upfront and honest about my condition with everyone else I came in contact with afterwards. Admittedly this was very very very difficult but I wanted to give them the choice of being with me. That was a choice the person who infected me never gave me. For those of you who are possibly scared to tell someone you're interested in that you have herpes, Ill point out that I personally have NEVER been turned down for that reason. Most people were just happy and/or surprised that I was honest and upfront about the situation and we just moved forward from there. On top of that, Ive actually ran into other people (male and female) that have herpes too. Its not as common as finding someone with a cold but they are out there...

That being said, and I couldnt make this up if I wanted to, as I was attempting to establish a serious relationship with this girl I was extremely interested in I told her my "secret." And then...she told me her "secret." Yes....she had it too! Im sure most of you will probably think Ive made this story up and am simply here to try to provide some kind of Hallmark hope. BUT for those of you who knew me from before, Im just as cynical as any other heartbroken man and I dont really have time to make-up stories to cheer you up. I know the odds are slim to none but I truly believe this woman was put in my life to inspire me to never give up and hopefully help others to do the same.

Im not that big of a spiritual man but I know this is a truly unique experience. Im not going to get carried away and say this is my soul mate and Im destined to marry her and yadda yadda yadda, although I do hope thats the case (weve dated for about a year now), BUT I just wanted to post this story to show that anything is indeed possible. NEVER give up. Dont let this hold you back. And please please please be honest with your future partners. They deserve a choice many of us weren't allowed. In the end I hope my story, this board, and the support it provides helps. I know the people here helped me out a lot in the beginning and especially in the transition phase between depression and acceptance....Thats about it for me....All things considered, I hope everyone is doing well...

 
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Old 01-23-2007, 12:48 AM   #153
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Re: Happy Couples

Freckles......you said "Can anyone tell me if someday I will stop being scared and just enjoy my relationship with him".........i think that the being 'scared' bit comes from, 'what if i get herpes and we break up and nobody wants me'.

It is a serious thing for someone who doesn't have herpes as they don't know much or in some cases nothing about herpes, let alone genital herpes. My partner told me (not right away) but once he had an o/b he had to tell me. I was a bit put out that he hadn't told me fromt he start, but i figured i'd rather be with him and have herpes than without him. The two of us not being together at some stage never crossed my mind, but then again i do have a tendency to jump in with both feet. Don't know if that is a good attribute, but he figures it was for him in this instance. So i feel it basically boils down to how much do you want to be with this person?

 
Old 01-23-2007, 08:04 AM   #154
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kindaconfused HB User
Re: Happy Couples

Quote:
Originally Posted by Audrey-B View Post
Freckles......you said "Can anyone tell me if someday I will stop being scared and just enjoy my relationship with him".........i think that the being 'scared' bit comes from, 'what if i get herpes and we break up and nobody wants me'.

It is a serious thing for someone who doesn't have herpes as they don't know much or in some cases nothing about herpes, let alone genital herpes. My partner told me (not right away) but once he had an o/b he had to tell me. I was a bit put out that he hadn't told me fromt he start, but i figured i'd rather be with him and have herpes than without him. The two of us not being together at some stage never crossed my mind, but then again i do have a tendency to jump in with both feet. Don't know if that is a good attribute, but he figures it was for him in this instance. So i feel it basically boils down to how much do you want to be with this person?
Freckles,

Its definitely scary to think about leaving your partner and having to tell someone new, but we can't be afraid to live our lives. I was diagnosed with oral & genital HSV-1 during the first 2 weeks into a new relationship. I considered just breaking up with him rather than telling him and dealing with the stigma of H. The day I got diagnosed I asked him to come over and a part of me didnt know if I was having him come over to tell him or to break up with him to avoid embarrasment. I ended up telling him and it ended up bringing us even closer. He has been SO supportive, understanding, and compassionate. I could not have asked for a better boyfriend. I'm in law school and found out mid way through the semester. I ended up doing great on my final exams and had one of my best semesters, grade-wise. Meanwhile Ive had back to back OBs since my first one back in September. I am still having issues with my OBs and he is still by my side. Did I mention we haven't even been able to have sex? Yep! It's been about 3 1/2 months now. I'm amazed at how patient he has been. I truly think I am blessed to have found such a great guy. DO NOT be afraid to leave a bad relationship and start over. There are good people out there who see past the H and see you for who you are. Good luck!!!

 
Old 01-24-2007, 05:23 PM   #155
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Unhappy Re: Happy Couples

I was diagnosed with HSV2 about a year ago. At the time I was dating someone who really loved me and he had no problems with the H. We ended up dating for a few more months but broke up for reasons not related to the H. Since then I have dated two guys...one of them was totally okay with the H and kept dating me. The second guy said he was okay with it and then broke up with me after 2 months and said he couldn't handle the H. He was so afraid that he was going to get it. I am completely devastated and I feel like I am now dealing with the fact that I have it. I am so worried I am not going to end up with anyone and I am panicked because I am 29 and I have never been married....what if I end up alone from this??? I have read some really uplifting stories but I still feel really down and don't know what to do about it. Can anyone help??

 
Old 01-24-2007, 06:19 PM   #156
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kindaconfused HB User
Re: Happy Couples

Quote:
Originally Posted by broken12 View Post
I was diagnosed with HSV2 about a year ago. At the time I was dating someone who really loved me and he had no problems with the H. We ended up dating for a few more months but broke up for reasons not related to the H. Since then I have dated two guys...one of them was totally okay with the H and kept dating me. The second guy said he was okay with it and then broke up with me after 2 months and said he couldn't handle the H. He was so afraid that he was going to get it. I am completely devastated and I feel like I am now dealing with the fact that I have it. I am so worried I am not going to end up with anyone and I am panicked because I am 29 and I have never been married....what if I end up alone from this??? I have read some really uplifting stories but I still feel really down and don't know what to do about it. Can anyone help??
Broken12.... don't get discouraged. There are good people out there who will see past the H and see you for who you are. Easier said than done, but don't be afraid to put yourself out there!! I know plenty of people who are living with H and in very good relationships!

 
Old 01-24-2007, 10:33 PM   #157
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Re: Happy Couples

There are a lot of people who don't have herpes and have difficulties in finding a partner. That's how i look at it. This one person couldn't handle the herpes, yet the two guys prior to him were not bothered by it. Two out of three is quite good in my opinion.

I think all relationships are a matter of being in the right place at the right time so that you have opportunity to meet a significant other. It rarely works when you are actually looking. Most of us have found someone when we least expected it so basically you just have to get on with life as you never know when "the" one will come along.

Having said that, there will be days when you will feel disheartened and you can allow yourself perhaps one day to wallow in a bit of misery. After that you have to get with it and do things which help you move forward. If you give in to misery and self pity it becomes destructive and only eats away at you and you only want to stay indoors and that is the last place you will meet someone. These boards are also a good spot to vent.

 
Old 01-26-2007, 01:40 PM   #158
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Re: Happy Couples

My last relationship was a five-year monogamous one -- we both had it and herpes rarely came up in conversation unless one of us had an outbreak and then it was simply "Where is the Valtrex?" or something similar.

When I met my current partner and knew we had a connection, I was, of course, very scared to disclose but knew that not telling was not an option.

I took a deep breath, spilled it and waited. The response was simply "Thank you for sharing -- I know that was hard for you. Just give me a couple days to read up on it." That was the end of it. We are very, very happy and I've never had such a wonderful and mutually fulfilling sex life.

 
Old 02-06-2007, 08:02 AM   #159
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broken12 HB User
Smile Re: Happy Couples

Thank you so much for the words of encouragement, I really appreciate it. I have been feeling quite a bit better during the last week. I am trying to stay positive and I'd like to think I will find someone who will accept me for me!! I have a lot to offer despite having "h" and hopefully a great guy will realize that. I really love to hear your stories about meeting and falling in love with "h". Thanks again.

Last edited by broken12; 02-06-2007 at 08:04 AM.

 
Old 02-18-2007, 08:43 PM   #160
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a1_ideal HB User
Re: Happy Couples

Yup ! Same here. Been married 13 years, have 2 beautiful sons. We have not used a condom in 12 years. My husband has never caught the virus. We simply abstain during actual outbreaks.

 
Old 05-27-2007, 07:36 PM   #161
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crazylife85 HB User
Re: Happy Couples

I've been dating my boyfriend for about 3 years ... i cought the virus... but we are happily together an obstain from sex during an outbreak.
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Old 05-29-2007, 07:42 PM   #162
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Re: Happy Couples

My boyfriend just found out he tested positive for type I herpes a month ago. He got it from is ex-girlfriend of 7 years who had oral herpes. He was actually shocked because for those 7 years he did not have any outbreaks. He still has not had an outbreak. I actually got tested a month ago and tested negative. It was really hard for me at first because he was my first sexual partner and he did not know he had it until after we had had oral sex a couple of times and protected sex for a week. Plus on top of that he had type I with no outbreaks so I did not know and still do not know where he has herpes (genital/oral). However, both of us did research on herpes and felt prepared to take this on. We take all the precautions. He is literally the greatest guy I have ever met and we are so HAPPY together . Him having herpes has just been pushed to the back of our minds.

 
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