I started this thread when I first found this board, hoping for some positive inspiration. I hope that people will continue to post their stories! Backpacker is the best at bumping this thread up. you rock BP.
Just thought I'd update---
I'm still with the same wonderful man I was with when I realized I had herpes.( I didn't get it from him). He still seems to be herpes-free (knock on wood). There are times when we can't have sex and I always err on the ultra-careful side (we do not use protection) but that just means that we make up for lost time the rest of the time. We moved in together last August (something I never thought I'd do) and it's awesome. Herpes plays such a miniscule part in our relationship in the big scheme of things. I'm realizing that everyone brings their little issues to the table, contagious or not and you just work through them.
I still check this board many times a week, it's a great source of information and support!
Well I dont think i've added my story to this since I've read parts of it. I havent taken the time to add.
I found out november 04 that I had herpes. And the day I found was the day I thought my excellent relationship with the man of my world was over it makes me sad to think of how I felt that day.
I remember after a long convo with my mom and dad I had to work up the courage to contact my love and tell him "our" lives may be changed forever. (Since it wasnt definite yet; waiting on cultural swab results).
I woke him up, it was going on noon anyway and i told him id just gotten back from my doctor appointment (he was aware of that) I told him it didnt sound good, he asked what do you mean, I told him "she thinks I have herpes!" and I couldnt hold the tears back anymore.
He was silent then I heard "are you serious"
"yes" i told him.
still crying he started asking the same questions I had and we were silent on and off for a while, i could tell he was uncomfortable. I gave him the okay to discuss w/his parents since mine knew.
He called me when he got off work early the same night, he wanted to come over and we went to my room. He didnt really get to close to me at first. I dont blame him for that.
He asked me if I thought he was acting different around me, I told him not really, but It was okay.
And he went on to tell me what he discussed w/his parents and how he figured there was a good chance he already had it ( i told him this and so did his mom) She also told him since he was planning on being w/me for marriage and all that this i something we need to get past.
He got real close and we both cried on and off. And half way through our convo he goes "I know this this isnt the way I wanted to do this, and I know I dont have a ring yet but will you marry me?" and i looked at him and asked if he was serious, he said yes and I said are you sure, i didnt want him to do this just because of the "bad" news!!
Anyway we are planning on a summer 06 wedding now, and things are great, he hasnt had an ob (knock on wood) and we are still waiting to get him tested. I really think this brought us closer then i could have imagined, and the fact that I can still have kids and this isnt life threatening is even better.
Im glad a thread like this was started, there is many stories that make your heart warm!
Hey everyone...I'm new to this, so I hope I'm not doing anything wrong by jumping in here. I have been living with GH for about 4 years. I got it from my ex-husband 4 months into our marriage (he never told me he had it). You can imagine my shock! Even worse was 2 years later when he asked for a separation because he didn't think he loved me enough to stay married to me the rest of his life...long story short...we divorced last year.
I met a wonderful man 8 months ago (my first relationship since the divorce and hopefully my last). Before we became intimate I told him about my GH and that I couldn't guarantee he'd never get it. He has loved me regardless and we even stopped using condoms. We of course abstain if I think I'm getting my usual symptoms (the tingling, burning)...but, my new dilemma is this...those sxs were always in my perineal area until a week ago. I developed a sore near my clitoris. I went to the doctor, but the place was healing over and I had went ahead and started my Valtrex which relieved the pain, too. He didn't swab it cuz he was pretty sure it was another H lesion. Why did it spread? (I had to see a doctor who was covering for my regular doc, and he didn't seem to want to answer when I asked him about why it moved...he said something about they have seen GH be on one side of the vagina and transfer to the other, which didn't really answer my question).
My bf has not had any signs that he has gotten it from me. All I can assume is we somehow transferred it cuz I don't know why after 4 years it would come out in a different area. Has this happened to anyone else? How did you deal with it? I feel like I shouldn't let my bf touch me there anymore for fear he'll get the virus on his hand not knowingly and spread it somewhere else. I would greatly appreciate any advice (oh, and I have already told my bf about this new development and he took it well in stride...I'm the one having a problem with it!)
Herpes lays dormant up in your nerve ganglia at the base of your spine (for genital h.) When it starts to activate, it follows the path of least resistance back down your nerves to your skin--usually this is down the path it first travelled up, but not always. It can basically come down any nerve path on the same side of your body, below the end of your spine. If it appears on the opposite side of your body, then you may have reinfected yourself. In any case, it doesn't mean he reinfected you. You could have done it with a finger (like when checking yourself while you had an ob) or something similar. But I'm betting that your ob just came down a different nerve pathway than usual. And, yes, this has happened to me several times. Mine started out near the clitoris. Now, 15 years later, it has slowly migrated to my perineum, and I NEVER get ob's at the first site anymore. These migrating ob's are the same as all my ob's. But I did reinfect myself once--got it on the other side (transferred from right to left side)--this was another primary, with the huge swelling redness, itchiness that had me thinking it was a bad yeast infection, fever, etc--which I never have gotten except for with those two primaries. I'm sure I reinfected myself at that point.
And, by the way, you'll never be doiong anything wrong by joining in.
Thank you so much for that info..my new ob was on the left side of my clitoris and my original one was the left side of my perineum, like you said. I know this is getting awfully personal, but I'm worried about my bf touching me there. He has been (as I'm sure you know to stimulate 'things'), and i wonder if we shouldn't anymore. Am I being naieve to think if we just wash our hands after being initimate we are unlikely to transmit it any further?
Well, what we do is avoid contact when I think I may be getting an ob, during an ob, and for 2 days after they disappear. The virus would have a much harder time getting past the thick skin of fingers than the mucous membranes or thinner skin of his genitals (esp because the friction of sex will cause tiny tears or weakening of the skin.) Make sure he keeps his fingers healthy with lotions so that he doesn't have cracks in them. But, truth to tell, my soulmate and I don't worry beyond trying to predict ob's, and I take no chances--I tell him not to do anything when I feel unusually tired or depressed, not just when I feel the tingling or soreness coming on. Think of it--when you're searching around to see if an ob's coming, don't you touch around? I do. And then I wash my hands. And you know what? I bite my fingernails, so I always have some kind of breaks in the skin. Yet in 15 years i've never gotten it on my fingers. I'm not saying don't even think about it--but you don't have to go overboard. To me, never having him touch down there would be going 'way overboard!
Thanks to all of you who give us hope that there is life beyond this h thing...I'm still new to all this and when I came across this website...it couldn't have happened at a better time. My question-please forgive me for being so frank and new...oral sex...it is safe to give and receive when you have h and your partner does to ?
I just wanted to add a little more of my story to this thread. I jumped right in with questions, cuz i was so freaked out....thanks to backpacker i'm dealing alot better (thank you backpacker!)
I was 26 when i found out my husband of 4 months had given me gh (he never told me he had it). i read info at that time about gh but didn't stress too much over it cuz i was with the person who gave it to me. of course, he asked for a separation 2 years later and after our divorce i wondered how on earth i was ever gonna have another relationship. i didn't date anyone for a long time. i went to my doctor during that time to get tested for "everything else" (since i worried my ex had cheated on me) and thankfully "everything else" was negative.
I met my wonderful bf 8 months ago (my first serious relationship since my divorce) and he was so understanding about this. He asked me questions and I answered them for him, but i was glad when he told me he researched it himself some. And he said to me, "I didn't read anything about this being a death sentence". Well, we stopped using condoms a while back and since i've had a new ob recently near my clitoris i've asked him not to perform oral sex on me anymore. I was mistaken in my earlier response about that, too. My original ob was on my left side of my perineum and this recent one was the right side of my clitoris...so, backpacker, i must have reinfected myself. But, as i've said my bf takes everything i tell him in stride and we're gonna continue to be careful about my signs/signals of ob and i'm gonna check myself carefully. He seems ok with us washing up after contact in those areas.
I want to thank everyone who has contributed to these boards. I'm going to keep reading them to find out more about garlic pills/oil and other things people use to prevent/ease obs. Like i've said i pretty much only use Valtrex. i've tried lysine tabs, but i find them very hard to swallow (maybe its just the brand i've bought). take care everyone!!!
Hi littlebo, i just wanted to say that i'm glad your story shows the happy and positive aspect of how there are people out there who see beyond herpes and aren't scared of having a wonderful relationship with a person once they inform them of having herpes.
When i met my husband "Serial" i didn't know he had Herpes and nothing happened cause he cared about me, and wanted to be responsible about it. he didn't tell me, but he joked if i saw the pills he was taking i might figure it out, i caught him and recognized the valtrex from having it prescribed for me, for shingles (twice). by that time i was so very much in love with him and he was so in love with me that it didn't matter, i never once thought to myself that i couldn't be with him, or love him or have a future with him just because he had Herpes. Now four months later we are married and it's not an issue and it never has been. I may just be one of the lucky ones but as it turns out, I had a Pap when i was 17 and the Pap came back positive for Herpes. It never got mentioned again and in my whole life i've never once had an outbreak not even an initial outbreak. I asked my doctor and she did a recent blood test and it confirmed that i have the antibodies. I've had shingles twice and chickenpox twice.
My doctor wants to run all kinds of tests on me, and actually said that she thinks i might have some kind of natural immunity and thats why i've never had an outbreak.
She can't figure out how someone as stressed out as i am with 4 kids and a full time job and a new husband who accepts my children even though they aren't his has never had an outbreak. The fact is Herpes is and never will be an issue, we both have it and we go on with our lives like it's not even there, in the time i've known him he's never had an outbreak, we have the best sex life, a wonderful marriage and are so absolutely in love it would probabl make most people puke lol It is possible to have a normal life and have herpes, it doesn't mean life is over, or you won't get married or you won't love again or be loved, if anything it just means you have to be more responsible, and when my husband and i talked, he alway left the choice to me, and used as much precautions as possible. The Peroxide treatment/cleanup after took some getting used to, but we haven't even used that since we officially stopped dating. I'm still outbreak free. My darling husband wants me to say hello to you all and hopes everyone is doing well and wishes you all the best.
When I was with my ex that gave it to me I never thought about it. I loved her and knew due to check ups of me and past partners she was the one that it came from.
She left me now I live in fear of the day I have to tell someone, it sucks. I am ashamed to say I was with two people since and they are both OK I did not tell them. The guilt is something I can not handle though, so no more drinking till I have forgot. I am dating two people and the deciding factor will be which one I feel I can tell and them not care.
Wait--- is that "Serial" as in "SerialNovelist"?
Have I been so out of it on the board that I didn't know that Serial go married?
Yay for you guys!!!!
YUP MRA that's MY MAN ....and yes we got married on january 28th in a simple ceremony, we both cried as we exchanged our rings and took our vows. I've been married twice and this is my third and neither of my X's ever cried at our wedding, i know how much he loves me. he's the most wonderful man...he truly his...or i wouldn't be his wife. What man would take on the responsibility of 4 kids( actually five but one only lives with us during long holidays and summer) none of which are his for the love of his wife.
and herpes hasn't changed anything at all for us, we have a completely normal life and the problems we do have aren't herpes related.
he asys yep, you've both been out of the board loop for quite awhile. TTFN
I have spent most of the night reading through all of these inspriational stories. They have made me feel better. My ex cheated on me, and gave me HSV-II 7 years ago. I never had any secondary OB's that I knew of, I had 2 healthy children with him after the fact, (vaginaly). We ended things over 2 years ago. This past year, I have found a wonderful man, He means so much to me. He has been over seas, in the military. For 6 months we flirted and talked and became very close, through emails and letters and a couple steamy phone calls. Then he came home on leave, we couldent wait to be together. I wanted to forget about the herpes, since I had not had any other OB's through the years, I thought I was "off the Hook" We were intimate for the whole 2 weeks that he was home and I didnt tell him. I just couldent. A few weeks after he went back, I was stressed from missing him so much, I had an OB, it wasnt that bad. I cant stop thinking about how horrible it would have been for him to get this virus, especially in those kind of stressful conditions. He will be back soon, and I know I have to tell him. I am so scared of what he will think and say, he's going to feel so devistated. I've also been worried that he could be medically discharged if he gets it from me and that could ruin his life and career. I cant stand the fact that I have to face him and tell him this! And that I played russian roulet with his health, when he could have had a choice. I have no idea how he will react. He is so excited about coming home, and being with me again! If being in a war zone for a year wasnt enough, now I have to drop this bom on him! And to make it worse, I will have to tell him "in the heat of the moment" its either that or on the phone or in a letter and I dont want to do it that way. I have been balling for days over this. I have looked into all of the suppresents and natural cures and vitamins online, but I am worried if I start expreminting them now, I will trigger more breakouts, since I rarely have them as it is. Can anyone out there please help me, how do I tell him, do you think he will leave? Can he get discharged from the service from this? I need some good advice right about now! I love him so much, I would rather fall of the planet, than have to face him with this. Thanks!
Last edited by lovestruck; 03-03-2005 at 10:36 PM.