I now know I have genital herpes - Herpes Message Board

Lauren1973 · 07-05-2008, 07:38 AM

I have been abstinent for 10 months now due mainly to a break up of a relationship. Back in 1998 I had an outbreak of small blisters on my lower buttocks. I had tests done and it was negative for Herpes. The doctor said it was Herpes Zoster. Well, yesterday I had my very first outbreak on my vagina. I freaked. It is blisters and it does hurt. I don't know if I have had this since 98' and they misdiagnosed because the sores were too dry, or I got this sometime before 10 months ago. I DID HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX!And not just once. I was young and stupid. So it could be either. Who knows where the hell it came from. I'm stuck with it now. But I was shocked when I saw it on my vagina. I never had an outbreak there before. I lived for 10 years thinking I had Herpes Zoster!

But having it on my Vagina it's probably easier to transmit now. Will it go back to the other spot? As far as I know I never infected anyone else. I know this will affect future relationships. I mean, now there is no denying I have this. But my fault for getting drunk and having sex without condoms. I really feel screwed. Now, I feel I am limited to only partners that have it. If I told a guy, you cannot tell me he would not run as fast as he could. I KNOW because I met someone that told me THEY had it, and I did not date him again. This was back when I either didnt have it, or thought it was Shingles (herpes zoster.) I am not in a relationship right now. Now, I'm thinking I should try to find that guy that told me he had it. LOL. He was really cool besides that. I am so afraid now of infecting anyone else. Who is gonna want me now?I am dirty. I am devastated.

mamaof384 · 07-05-2008, 08:27 AM

I feel the same way as you do! I am a young mother of 3 girls! It still hasnt sunk in that I have herpes! I Never thought in a million years that I would get it! But I guess you get hooked up with the wrong person and it only takes one time! I just found out thursday that I had it and I hated telling the people who I slept with that I had it! I feel ashamed and I have been depressed! I have lost 10 pounds since my symtons have started! People tell me that the outbreaks get less painful and the happen less! Good luck to you!

Lauren1973 · 07-05-2008, 08:47 AM

Yeah, it really shocks you. It's like my world just got smaller. It's hard to feel happy about anything right now. I feel like my sex life is over. Ever since my break up (he is in the clear) I have been working out, taking care of myself losing more weight so I can start dating again, and now this. I am a very pretty girl (not to be conceited.) I get hit on a lot. If they only knew. I want to run away sometimes. I want to scream. I wanted a family someday. I feel basically like life has dealt me this crap hand and now I'm changed forever. It is now a secret I will have all my life. If I meet someone and fall in love, I will be so scared to reveal this. So why bother falling in love? Why bother with with dating at all anymore. I finally felt like I got my life back together and my freedom and now, everytime a guy hits on me, I will be thinking, you would not be talking to me if you knew. I think I'm gonna need some support groups. As scary as it all sounds. Why now? Why after 10 months with no sex? Why when I want to get married and start a family? I feel like I will never feel whole again.

It's been so hard. I just want to cry all day sometimes. And then I have to get myself together and move on with my life. What can I do?

mamaof384 · 07-05-2008, 08:56 AM

I dont know where to go from here either! I feel that my life is over! I just hope that my life goes back to normal until another outbreak! I mean i have 3 girls to worry about and take care of and i have to think about them first! I can beleive that my life at 24 is ending and I hate it! Itold my kids dad about it and he just laughed in my face but i was still sleeping with him and he needed to know! He thinks I am lying and he denies sleeping with me becuase of his current girlfriend that he has been with for 2 years! This guy i used to date back in high school asked me on a date next weekend and i dont know if i should go!? Everytime we are together our feelings coem back and I need to tell him that i have it before we get any farther! Any ideas on how to tell him?

Lauren1973 · 07-05-2008, 09:32 AM

Oh God. I really don't know. I just realized I was cursed with this myself. I keep thinking, hey, if you had it for 10 years and you didn't spread it, why get upset by this? Or you don't have to tell them, just make sure you are not in outbreak when you do it. Make sure they wear a condom. But then I'm right back to feeling like, if they get it and they know it's you, they are gonna leave you anyway and maybe sue you. Ahhh. I'm gonna get high. I can't take this ****.