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Old 07-14-2008, 08:27 PM   #1
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Laurie9 HB User
Desperate Need of Support - Newly Diagnosed

The best way that I can put it is that I am in such desperate need of support. I was recently given the surprise of a lifetime when I landed in the hospital for what I thought was a UTI, turned out to be herpes 2. Let me tell you, I thought this stuff does not happen to me, I thought it shouldnt happen to me. From the outside, I have it together, good friends, good family, a masters degree. I now feel, completely useless and disgusting.

My boyfriend ( who I got the herpes from ) is th 2nd person that I have ever slept with in my life, and the first person I did not use protection with. He says that he didnt know he had the virus, but I am so angry with him I cant help but not trust what he says. I am trying the whole "silver lining, this isnt going to ruin my life" type thinking, but I am angry. I can not help but think, that I will never be desirable to anyone else, and I will HAVE to stay with him because, well, he really put a "stamp" on me.

I dont want to talk to anyone b/c i dont want that look of pity or disgust, I couldnt tolerate it. But keeping it inside is tearing me apart. Does anyone else feel this way? Any advice and / or support is so so so greatly appreciated.

 
Old 07-15-2008, 06:02 PM   #2
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laurie4146 HB User
Re: Desperate Need of Support - Newly Diagnosed

Laurie,
I felt the same way for years. using protection doesnt matter so much when it comes to herpes because it is a skin contact virus not something that only spreads through fluid. I feel so bad for you because I can still picture the day that i ended up in the emergency room with it. your boyfriend may really not have known because he may be an asymptomatic shedder. it is up to you if you want to trust him or not. i stayed in my horrible relationship for almost a year after being diagnosed because i felt like i had the stamp, i felt like there would be no one else, i felt disgusting. but then i dumped him. i got a couple of other stds on top of it but i got back out there, dated a few guys that didnt seem to care and then i found someone special. i still feel disgusting a lot of the time, i still cry from time to time but it has gotten better. there are so many other things in life that you cant dwell on this. you will be ok eventually. i had a hard time telling the guy i am with now but he was very understanding and almost three years later we just got engaged and we just bought a house. i have had it for almost 5 years now and it still bothers me but not as bad. you will be ok. good luck

 
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Old 07-16-2008, 01:22 PM   #3
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Kristen1992 HB User
Re: Desperate Need of Support - Newly Diagnosed

I feel the same way too. Im only 15 and my boyfriend I dated fot 2 1/2 years gave it to me. I have HSV-1. He did see a girl after school behind my back while we dated but I want to know where he got it from to give it to me. He wont do it he says that he doesnt even think he has it. I take it as he thinks I cheated on him. I was faithful and he was my first everything. It has ruined my life cause I am seeing anther boy and Im so uncomfortable. Im scared I can gove it to him by touching him( even though its not possible). I feel so lost and I feel like a walking disease. I am a victim and the least he could do is give me and answer on how he got it. I think he is hiding something from me.

 
Old 07-16-2008, 04:58 PM   #4
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laurie4146 HB User
Re: Desperate Need of Support - Newly Diagnosed

i have type I but in both places. it doesnt really matter what type it is because it still affects you emotionally the same way. both of you will be fine. i got it when i was 19 and i am now 24. i dont want to tell you how to think or how to feel becaue i know exactly how you are feeling because it is new and i remeber back. please believe me when i say that it does get easier and it does get better as time goes on. You have your whole lives ahead of you and in the grand scheme of things, this really is just a skin virus and someone special will understand that and see you for the wonderful people that you are. i hope you both feel better!

 
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Old 07-16-2008, 06:13 PM   #5
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katie5 HB User
Re: Desperate Need of Support - Newly Diagnosed

Laurie9: I feel like I can sympathize with your situation, but I cannot offer you any advice. Although I have not been officially diagnosed (I go in tomorrow), I have just experienced what I think is my first outbreak and I am devistated. After my extensive research on the internet I am positive I have it. I am young and have my whole future ahead of me. I'm about to graduate from law school, take the bar, and have a great post-graduate job offer at a firm that I love. I feel like my whole life was coming together and then this happens. On top of that, I was diagnosed about a year ago with HPV. The kicker is that I've only slept with three people, two of whom were serious and faithful (so I thought) boyfriends, and one who I only had sex with twice (protected sex). I feel like damaged goods. I'm in the state of shock that this has happened; it's all so surreal. I feel like my luck cannot get any worse. Not that serious relationships and marriage are at the forefront of my mind right now, but I feel like no one would want me after this. I just don't know what to do and I feel utterly helpless.

 
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tryingtobezen (12-19-2011)
Old 07-17-2008, 10:17 AM   #6
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Muneca78 HB User
Re: Desperate Need of Support - Newly Diagnosed

Wow, I can sympathize with all of you. My situation is a bit different. I found out my PARTNER has it and kept it from me. I'm sure he had that same fear that I would leave. I still have to wait for my appt in a week and a half to find out if I have H, which by the way feels like FOREVER. But if I do have it, all those same feelings crossed my mind. Being "damaged goods" or "dirty" but honestly these are all feelings you should feel in the beginning. Who's going to want you? Are you going to feel ugly during outbreaks? Dreading having to break the news...I come from the other side. My partner had to tell ME and I'm still with him. There are good people out there. This is not life threatening. There are so many more horrible things that people are battling such as cancer,AIDS,HIV,being handicap,blind,deaf. Ur life is not over Laurie. This is just a little bump in the road. If God brings you to it He will bring you through it! It's still new and fresh but time will heal and I was told as time goes on the outbreaks are so few, that most of the time you won't even feel like you have it. Focus on the positive things around you, that definitely seems to outweigh the bad.

Last edited by Muneca78; 07-17-2008 at 10:19 AM. Reason: typo

 
Old 07-17-2008, 12:11 PM   #7
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JBKD22 HB User
Re: Desperate Need of Support - Newly Diagnosed

I found out I contracted HSV-1 on my genitals from my boyfriend of 9 months because I had an outbreak. It turns out he had a night of fun with an old friend who had a cold sore and performed oral sex on him. I was devistated. This woman gave me herpes, and HPV. It has been 18 months. I stayed with him for another 3 months after I knew he cheated because in my head I thought, "well I can't give it to him because he already has it." I felt so trapped by him and I felt dirty and that no one would love me again. And it took a while. I did a down hill spiral for about 6 months. I didn't want help from anyone, I just wanted to be miserable.

But my Dad said something to me that I try hard to remind myself of everyday..."this is not your fault. You were in a committed relationship with someone you loved and something bad happened to you. This does not change who you are or who you want to become. This is not your fault."

I still feel that it is my fault sometimes, that if I had paid a little more attention I would have noticed he was cheating or thinking about it. But we can't change the past. Sometimes I have to take it day by day. Sometimes I don't even remember to think about it.

Practicing telling friends makes it easier. When I explain that I have it, I just say, "it isn't something to worry about, it is just something to know. And I'm not sorry I have it." I did nothing wrong. Some guys will run away after you tell them and it is hard, but you know what, they probably weren't even close to the right guy and they would have run away soon because of something else.

I have been dating a nice man for about a month now, I haven't told him yet. There is no need to rush anything. I want him to know who I am before I can be labeled. But I have faith that if he is the man I think he is, he will care more for me then something that happened to me. It is not my fault.

Last edited by JBKD22; 07-17-2008 at 12:13 PM.

 
Old 07-17-2008, 07:38 PM   #8
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Laurie9 HB User
Re: Desperate Need of Support - Newly Diagnosed

Thanks so much for the kind words. Just being in this forum, and realizing that other people are feeling similar to the way I feel, is helping. I hope that your tests comes out in your favor!!

Still can't figure out why God gave me THIS obstacle...but I will get through it. Thank you again

 
Old 07-17-2008, 07:41 PM   #9
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Laurie9 HB User
Re: Desperate Need of Support - Newly Diagnosed

Hey - Thanks so much for sharing your story. My boyfriend is not a malicious person, so I am pretty sure that he didnt know he had it. He has no outbreaks, and i have been with him 2 years so i think i know his "stuff" pretty darn well. The truth is, is that I am sure there are a lot of people out there who know. THe REAL kicker is that, i said we should both get tested and that went into the really awkward " you dont trust me" speech from him. Well, as I was laying in the hospital bed, sick from my results, for the first time he told me I was right, we should have been tested. I kick myself for giving in, but hindsight is 20/20.

 
Old 07-17-2008, 07:45 PM   #10
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Laurie9 HB User
Re: Desperate Need of Support - Newly Diagnosed

I can definately identify with you. My current bf who gave me the H, is the 2nd person I have ever slept with in my life. The first guy (obviously) i lost my virginity to. I cant help myself when walking around, going to work, going out, and looking at people and thinking " Maybe they have herpes???" I take one long look at myself in the mirror and realize that I am the LAST person that my friends / people around me would think would have H. As I said, I have a Masters, a good family, values, I am not promiscuous - the truth is.....Sh&t happens...and it happened to me. Now the hard part is learning how to cope with it, realizing that my life isnt over and that someday it wont effect me to the point it is now.

another hard part, is not feeling like my current bf is the only person in the world who will ever love me again. that is what i am struggling with now.

 
Old 07-17-2008, 07:47 PM   #11
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Laurie9 HB User
Re: Desperate Need of Support - Newly Diagnosed

If he is so sure he doesnt have it, have him take the blood test at his doctor that shows the herpes antibodies. if he knows he doesnt have it, then its no big deal to go there and prove it......

good luck

 
Old 07-29-2008, 02:16 PM   #12
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ashamed11 HB User
Re: Desperate Need of Support - Newly Diagnosed

I felt the same way that u are feeling. I even had thoughts of suicide. I was diagnosed in March 08. I had severe burning while urinating and I too thought that it was a UTI. I was devastated. My outbreak was so severe that I wanted to die. I contracted the virus on Mar 1 and I was finally OK by Mar 15. Hang in there. I am on Valtrex and I take it daily.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Laurie9 View Post
The best way that I can put it is that I am in such desperate need of support. I was recently given the surprise of a lifetime when I landed in the hospital for what I thought was a UTI, turned out to be herpes 2. Let me tell you, I thought this stuff does not happen to me, I thought it shouldnt happen to me. From the outside, I have it together, good friends, good family, a masters degree. I now feel, completely useless and disgusting.

My boyfriend ( who I got the herpes from ) is th 2nd person that I have ever slept with in my life, and the first person I did not use protection with. He says that he didnt know he had the virus, but I am so angry with him I cant help but not trust what he says. I am trying the whole "silver lining, this isnt going to ruin my life" type thinking, but I am angry. I can not help but think, that I will never be desirable to anyone else, and I will HAVE to stay with him because, well, he really put a "stamp" on me.

I dont want to talk to anyone b/c i dont want that look of pity or disgust, I couldnt tolerate it. But keeping it inside is tearing me apart. Does anyone else feel this way? Any advice and / or support is so so so greatly appreciated.

 
Old 07-29-2008, 05:08 PM   #13
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bob2009 HB User
Re: Desperate Need of Support - Newly Diagnosed

i don't feel we are punished for this. we are given the information and then we have a choice we make. i think that we were not informed how rampant it would spread or the details of what it was like to get it. the scare alone would have affected me. when i was younger it was all this free love and make love not war. lots of free sex. today all this tv and movies that tell our chidren to have sex whenever you feel it. then they get busy rushing to vaccinate them so they don't get all this stuff that goes along with the decision that the media pushed on them. anyone agree. it makes me sad that we didn't know. just my opinion and pray for cure everyone. maybe tonight at 10pm. the power of prayer they say. i will if you will. i'm not sure if i can say this or not but i'll take a chance for everyone.

Last edited by bob2009; 07-29-2008 at 05:14 PM.

 
Old 07-30-2008, 07:08 AM   #14
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stevie13 HB User
Re: Desperate Need of Support - Newly Diagnosed

I'm so scared i'm waiting for the results of my test today

 
Old 07-30-2008, 07:47 PM   #15
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bob2009 HB User
Re: Desperate Need of Support - Newly Diagnosed

so if you have it and most people do then you go through shock and then take care of it and then you just live with it and its not an everyday thing. you just have a few obs and forget and then if you have another one it usually gets milder.

 
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