Originally Posted by Elizabeth22211
Hello - I have been dating another women who has herpes for the past 2 years..we have a great relationship in every way, except for being intimate...It has come to the point that she thinks 2 years is too long without sex..I think she thinks that I don't want her, but that is so not true.I just feel afraid to be intimate with her for fear of getting herpes myself. I have talked to her once about going on Valtrex and she did, but even with that there is a chance of contracting the disease..I am afraid of losing her, but also shocked that she doesn't see that I am afraid of getting this...any advice???
Hi..wow I am sorry I would have to agree 2yrs without being intimate is a long time. Honestly ..being intimate with someone is bringing that bond closer..
As for transmission... do you know which type she has? They haven't given the transmission rates from same sex partners but in general to catch herpes from an infected women is less then getting it from an infected man.
I will post the transmission rates for female to male..maybe that will make you feel a little better ( I would think it may be a 1% chance if she is on valtrex since you shouldn't be affected if she is having an outbreak internally as a man would).. and honestly .. if you love her and want to be with her.. you should take her as she is.. herpes is just an annoying skin condition... it doesn't define someone as a person ya know
I know you speak on being shocked on her not seeing that your afraid.. honestly I am going through a bit of the same situation here.. although I honestly would have walked out a long time ago if it was 2 yrs without being intimate... but you need to understand where she is coming from.. first it is hard to tell someone that you have this for fear of rejection... and if the person accepts you.. you expect to move on and have a normal relationship.. By you not being intimate..i can see where it will make her feel not wanted by you (actions speak louder then words).. and I mean have you ever put yourself if her shoes?
If you honestly can't see past this.. I think you would owe it to yourself as well as her to let her go so that she can find someone that will accept her for her.. herpes and all. She definitely cares about you enough to have told you... that means alot
Also keep in mind.. 1 in 4 women have this..and 90% of the infected don't even know..
Here are the Female to Male transmission rates
If you have 100 couples where the female has HSV 2 but not the male (these figures are over a year) the odds of female to male transmission are if you do nothing other than avoid sex during an outbreak 4 men out of a 100 will get herpes in a year or 4% If you do go on a suppressive therapy then it drops to 2 men out of a 100 in a year or 2% and if you use suppressive and a condom the chances are 1 man out of a 100 will get herpes in one year or 1%.
The valtrex and transmission study stats are based on having sex 2 times/week.