Originally Posted by sadlypositive
I am a 59 year old lesbian and was diagnosed in February, 09 with HSV 2 after an initial outbreak. My partner of nearly 2 years tested negative. I have no idea where I caught the virus since it can lay dormant for a very long time before an initial outbreak. My partner has pulled back totally from me saying she doesn't want to contract the disease and I also want her to remain in her negative state. We had a wonderfully fulfilling physical relationship until my diagnosis and now she will not even kiss me. I am on a daily therapy of Acyclovir and have been since diagnosis.
I am experiencing so many emotions all leading back to the fact that I am feeling like "damaged goods". My partner's reaction to me has quadrupled my feelings of self loathing. I know this is not my fault, but I feel like crawling in a hole and hiding from the world.
I would appreciate hearing from anyone who has conquered these types of feelings and any words of encouragement I could offer my partner to let her know that herpes is not the end of the world. Help....please!
The Herpes virus can lay dormant for years and years some people have gone 25yrs without an OB or signs/symptoms. This reason alone is why they say an estimated 90% of infected people have no idea.
How was your partner tested? Some blood test are more reliable then others.. for instance the IGM is not good .. you can not use those results but if it were an IgG test the results are accurate unless its a new infection at which time it may take up to 4 months for the body to build up antibodies.
You should NEVER feel like damaged goods..but unfortunately it tends to come with HSV at first... and it doesn't help when you are going through this "alone". I understand about your partner not wanting to kiss you or be intimate with you.. My boyfriend is acting the same way, its been almost 3 months.
My advice would be to read the Herpes handbook (http://www.******.html) and tell you partner to take a look at it as well. Let her have some time to think about it and just try to educate yourself in the meantime in case she does have questions after reading.
It can be very shocking to the uninfected partner... so they may need time to take it all in.. and honestly if she really loves you she will stay with you and help you through this.
Make her aware that if you have it genitally she can not get it by kissing you or vice versa (depending on where you have it). I can tell you that it will get better.. you have to be strong for you, in the end thats all you have (and us on the board of course
). Also stats say 1 in 4 women have it..and its not that big of a deal... this virus is such a common undiagnosed virus.
About 50 to 80 percent of American adults have oral herpes, which is commonly called cold sores or fever blisters (see but this doesn't have the stigma for some reason that genital has..although this can cause genital)
If you have anymore questions please feel free to post.. there are wonderful people on this board willing to offer advice