relationship and herpes - Herpes Message Board

howardjones · 05-20-2009, 08:54 AM

I have herpes but my boyfriend does not. Is it possible that we can still be together with out a drastic change emotionally and physically? i have HSV 1 &2

angeleyz81 · 05-20-2009, 10:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by howardjones

I have herpes but my boyfriend does not. Is it possible that we can still be together with out a drastic change emotionally and physically? i have HSV 1 &2

There are people out there that will accept you and this pesky skin condition. If he is not aware yet.. he may be taken back and need some time to read up and think about things. (This is where it can take an emotional toll).. then physically.. I am going to assume that you haven't had sex yet.. this could put a hold on that until he gets comfortable and reads up. Or if you have had sex.. he may want to take futher precautions such as using condoms all the time or even you going on Valtrex could be a good idea.

If he can't handle this.. then he is not the one for you. Hopefully he will see you for who you are and not what you have. This does not define you as a person.. and it is just a pesky skin condition.

Please see the transmission rates below.
Here are the Female to Male transmission rates

If you have 100 couples where the female has HSV 2 but not the male (these figures are over a year) the odds of female to male transmission are if you do nothing other than avoid sex during an outbreak 4 men out of a 100 will get herpes in a year or 4% If you do go on a suppressive therapy then it drops to 2 men out of a 100 in a year or 2% and if you use suppressive and a condom the chances are 1 man out of a 100 will get herpes in one year or 1%.

The valtrex and transmission study stats are based on having sex 2 times/week.

howardjones · 05-20-2009, 10:22 AM

We have had sex and he knew that it was a possiblity that I had it but there were still times that we did not use protection. he took the test 2 weeks before me and his doctor still havent called him. but i took the test just 4 days ago and i received a call yesterday. He say he still wants to be with me but he does not know how to deal with it. or how do we move forward? i didnt expect him to be shocked or confused about this because we talked about the possibilities of me having it. and he said if you do or dont im not going anywhere. but that has changed overnight.

angeleyz81 · 05-20-2009, 11:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by howardjones

We have had sex and he knew that it was a possiblity that I had it but there were still times that we did not use protection. he took the test 2 weeks before me and his doctor still havent called him. but i took the test just 4 days ago and i received a call yesterday. He say he still wants to be with me but he does not know how to deal with it. or how do we move forward? i didnt expect him to be shocked or confused about this because we talked about the possibilities of me having it. and he said if you do or dont im not going anywhere. but that has changed overnight.

It is definitely different knowing then not knowing. As far as dealing with it.. I would just let him know the facts. Tell him the transmission rate is low, and that you are still the same person. You could give him sometime to research on his own if need be. Unfortunately in some cases people do change their minds, especially if they are the ones that do not have it ( I am still trying to deal with my boyfriend and this whole thing as I am the one that has it and he doesnt).

I would let him know that you two can still live normal lives.. and you could take further precaution by maybe going on suppressive therapy.

By the way.. how were you both tested? Some blood test are better then others. The IgG is accurate as the IGM is horrible and not worth anything.

If you want to talk.. I am here as well as many other great people.

Also if you would like to send me an email we can talk that way as well

howardjones · 05-21-2009, 12:00 PM

we both had blood test done. along with all other std test. everything came back negative but that. this is very hard because no one wants anything especially if you are one to take care of yourself but get caught up with the wrong person. im 29 and only had 4 boyfriends and that is including my current one. this sucks because he is a great guy and we both believe that we are each other soulmate. but now because of something so small but big is getting in the way of it all. I told him everything you indicated that i should inform him about. and i also stated that i rather have this then AIDS that i wouldnt expect him to stay around for. but this does not make your life a ticking time bomb like other things. i cried my eyes out all yesterday but today iam better. God knows all things and I am going to deal with this one way or another.