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Old 07-08-2009, 06:31 AM   #1
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Not Shocked Anymore Now Just Mad/Angry

I am so mad and angry. I have herpes and I have known for about a month now. My husband and I have separtated due to his lies and deception and now the herpes thang. We have only been married 8 now 9 months we didn't even make it a year. September 27, 2009 would have made 1 year since we been married. I just can't take it his lies about his finanial situation which we were in marriage counseling for and him text messaging another female nasty text messages that I saw with my own eyes...we were in marriage counseling after only being married a few months we did the pre-marital counseling for 3 months and everyone knows you are surpose to be honest that what premarital counseling is for but not him he lied his whole way through married me and after being married 5 months we had to enter marrage counseling due to the lies and deception it was like one thing after the other ...then the icing on the cake is the herpes ...which i know i got from him cause I was not with anyone else and had a major surgery in Jan of this year which i was tested for all std's before they could to my Hystorectomey so..all this stuff I have been going through we are now separtated and have been for a month. he has turned my life upside down as well as my son's life you just don't get married just to get married and then still want to see other females but I guess some people do they want to marry you then want to do there own thing too...I am sorry for going on and on I am just so Mad and Angry but not going to change the fact that I have herpes. I have been taking my meds because i have been stressed been trying not to be but very hard because I know stress can cause a out break...I haven't broken out down there yet thank God for that !!! I have broken out in other places though like a rash type thang. My husband was surpose to go to doctor and get checked out he had me thinking for the last 2 weeks that he had test results then I find out that the place he went to for testing does not do herpes testing. I was floored that he would even lead me to believe he had gotten tested then I think why should I be he has lied about everything else.So as of right now he has not even gone to get tested It is like he doesn't even care. because If i was in his shoes and he was in mine I would be freaking out and wanting to go get tested. found out after we was married he lied about when he actually went for his last std testing he told me before we was married he was current then after i find out I have herpes he tells me He has not been checked out in 8-9 years...I was so mad and shocked...but it doesn't change the fact that I have this HSV2 herpes....I am mad and angry I guess i will be for a while any advice out there.

 
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Old 07-08-2009, 06:57 AM   #2
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Re: Not Shocked Anymore Now Just Mad/Angry

I am so happy that you found all this out before more children and anymore with him because he would not teach them right from wrong . I am sure that you are a nice person with morals and values, thinking this man would change, but now you know. You can get through this and be happy, so I wish you the best of luck and there are plenty of nice men out there who will accept the Herpes.I also wouldn't worry about the testing of him for Herpes. I believe you already know that it was from him. Please leave and never look back unless you want many miserable years ahead

Last edited by kilgore52; 07-08-2009 at 07:04 AM.

 
Old 07-08-2009, 08:24 AM   #3
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coping63 HB User
Re: Not Shocked Anymore Now Just Mad/Angry

Hey Chick...You will go through a whole bunch of emotions and having to deal with all the other CRAP on top of it isn't going to help. having herpes is in itself an emotional rollercoaster ride to say the least and then the way you got it and the Hurt of finding out someone you loved and trusted was the one you caught it from is devastating. You are working on so many feelings , what he did, having this virus, him not taking responsibility for his part of it.. You have to work through it, YES, it is hard and believe me you will have your days, where you are going to CRY, SCREAM, hate him, but you have to get better, focus on you, the hell with him... I am here is you need me..

 
Old 07-09-2009, 01:03 PM   #4
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Re: Not Shocked Anymore Now Just Mad/Angry

I am glad I found out early too doesn't make the pain easier to deal with but I am glad that I know just the type of person he really is I wish I would of seen the real him before I said I do but I can't go back and change anything know and it won't change the fact that I have herpes and he lied and was decietful all of the above. Thank you for your encouragement I cry get mad get angry ...then I just get mad as hell...then I go through the motions all over again everyday but i guess it will get better. I wake up every morning get my son ready for summer camp and myself ready for work and I tell myself I am not going to think about him or anything today I am going to focus on me then I get to work at my desk and I barely can see through my tears to get my work done but I guess as more time goes by my heart will heal and I can accept the fact that I have herpes and that he gave it to me my own husband. I really appreciate the encouragement cause I seem to need that more and more each day until I get through this. Any encouraging words are alway appreciated.

 
Old 07-09-2009, 09:32 PM   #5
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Re: Not Shocked Anymore Now Just Mad/Angry

Hi Broken, I will continue on this post to encourage you through this. I do feel that this will get easier. Remember life goes by fast, your son will be grown before you know it and you must enjoy life and not dwell on this.The important thing is your son and how you raise him in this messy divorce you will need to go through. Stay strong. Your Herpes is minor and will lesson with time You will feel normal again and it won't be the first thing on your mind everyday. Straighten up and wipe the tears, hug your son and talk to him about morals manners and how to treat people and girls. Mold him into the man you want his future wife to admire.YOU are his GOOD role model and you don't want to waste precious time being sad and quiet around him. He won't understand. Please I suggest not badmouthing dad to him and show him dignity and strength.

Last edited by kilgore52; 07-09-2009 at 09:34 PM.

 
Old 07-10-2009, 05:29 AM   #6
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Broken35 HB User
Re: Not Shocked Anymore Now Just Mad/Angry

I understand. You know the good thing about it is my son is not his real son. When we meet he had a son that was a year younger than my son that is now 10 years old so when we married he came into the relationship with a son and I had a son too. So my son I had when I was 25 years of age so I guess one positive thing is my soon to be ex husband and I don't have any children together. He was never married before and neither had I so this was a first marriage for both of us. But I understand what you mean by not wasting time. I try to be strong in front of my son since this has happened and sometimes it is just unbareable and I can't front for long so he has seen me cry a few times or be really sad and he really doesn't know how to comfort me and I don't exspect for him to be able to he is only 10 years old you know so he is smart he knows that this man that claim to love his mom can into our lives brought his son along my son and his son were like brothers and now he knows he doesn't see his little brother anymore because of what happened and I had to tell my husband to leave because of all the stress i was under and like i said the herpes was the straw that broke the camels back along with everything else i told you about and it was making me sick physically which lead me to the doctor because of swelling in legs and feet then finding out my blood pressure was high then blood test leading to the development of I am now positive for HSV2 herpes...so with everything it has been alot for me and for my son of course my son doesn't know about everything in deal I would never tell him that because he would not understand at this age. But thank you for encouraging me I need it !!! I will be getting my son in counseling at some point so this doesn't screw him up ..And I will have to go too because I have been off my rocker here lately if you know what I mean. So I am trying and If I have to go talk to counselor because the hurt goes so deep then I will and then I can make sure my son is ok mentally..because I know I have not been but i put on these fronts for as long as I can then I think I might be getting stronger then I cry in the shower and when he is sleeping...it is weird but i guess it is normal like you said it is a process...I just want to know when this process get better..thank you so much and look foward to many more encouraging message i look forward to it because i need it i really do i am just being honest with myself I am mad I am hurt I am angry. But I know it will get better I can see it right now but I tell myself it will then I read encouraging emails and it gives me a boost.

Last edited by Broken35; 07-10-2009 at 05:32 AM.

 
Old 07-10-2009, 06:43 AM   #7
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Re: Not Shocked Anymore Now Just Mad/Angry

This is a lot for you right now Broken and yes, this is a normal process to go through. Many women have been right where you are and have been shocked and hurt too. The good news is that you are willing to move forward with counseling and not dwelling in all this. A great move on your part and a good mother also. Divorce is horrible but, the lying and cheating are much worse. He is a player looking for varity and is not satisfied with one woman so he needs to move on and stop hurting you. The pain gets worse if you stay and better with time if you leave. He can't be with one girl now and is not ready for a commitment to anyone. Let him go down the road and experience his sorrow when he finds out how empty his life is without someone to really be a partner and adore him. This all catches up sooner or later. He has this in his blood so, he needs to suffer from his choices. You will get through this and find happiness. There are plenty of GOOD men out there and many who have been treated bad too and want true happiness like you.

 
Old 07-15-2009, 02:30 PM   #8
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Re: Not Shocked Anymore Now Just Mad/Angry

I have been trying to deal with this one day at a time. Thanks again for the encouragement. I had started to make small baby steps to dealing and moving past the pain which is going to take time it is a process. Sunday morning I wake up could not sleep saturday night so did alot of cleaning to get my mind off of what is going on so I wake up sunday morning and I have a text message on my cell phone. It is from my Husband to another female saying Good morning and said the girls name TT and he also said he enjoyed spending time with her saturday night and he wanted to see her again and was asking her if they could get together that Day. I was ****** off ...beyond what i can explain in this message that i am typing ....My heart hurt some much it was terrible I wanted to hurt him really bad I called him and confronted him he could not say anything because this is his second time he has tried to text another female and the message came to my phone....I have figured it out when he is excited about something he makes alot of mistakes...he tried to say he went out with is cousins and some of his cousins friends and tried to make it sound like it was nothing...but I told him I know what that text said and I am not stupid and fowarded the text he sent to my phone back to his phone and words do not lie the proof is in the writing it is what he wrote. So i feel like this set me back alot a whole lot. It is like I got angry and mad and emotional all over again even though i already felt that way anyways it just made it worse...we have been separtated for 36 days and you are out already doing your thang...which I have no doubt in my mind now that he cheated during our 9 month marriage we just got married it has not even been a year. He sent a text to my phone by mistake was surpose to be to another female back in April and we were in marriage counseling discussing all his lies and disceitfulness and nasty text that he sent to this girl and he tried to play it off like he was just joking around i did not believe that for one second but I had no proof until I got herpes and him lying about going to the doctor after i found out i had herpes he was surpose to go get checked out then he lied said he did but found out he didn't. Seems like if your wife has herpes and tells her husband he would be running to his nearest doctor and treat this like a serious situation. But he still has not gone to this day. he says he will I told him Unless I go with you see the doctor put the needle in you arm and be there for you results I can't believe nothing that comes out of his mouth he lies soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much dang try telling the truth for once in your life this was not the person I knew him to be before I said I do because if I had at least a little clue this is how he is after knowing him for so long 9 years before saying i do...i would have ran in the other direction...So i told him I don't want to talk to him I don't want him to text me and to just leave me alone. but sometimes on some things as far as money we have to text and or talk but right now i want to hurt him for real like just stop it has to stop at some point you would think. I am just so mad and angry right now. I am trying to pick up the pieces of my life that he came in and turned upside down and carry on but dang we are separtated and he is still being exsposed...i am glad i know it is just so much to handle.

 
Old 07-15-2009, 03:49 PM   #9
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kilgore52 HB User
Re: Not Shocked Anymore Now Just Mad/Angry

WOW, I feel sorry for all the other girls that he is passing this on to. You may ask him to tell the new girl or you will since you have both the women's numbers. What a loser he is. Why did he want to marry at all?

 
Old 07-25-2009, 10:06 PM   #10
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hopefull855 HB User
Re: Not Shocked Anymore Now Just Mad/Angry

Hi Broken, I'm sorry for all of your troubles. You're better off without him. Right now, you should just concentrate on dealing with this whole herpes thing. I know how you feel, I went to a clinic to get tested...tested positive for HSV2. I went to my regular doctor today to get a second test. I ate before I took my blood test so I'm praying to God that caused a false positive. I have been so depressed the past few days....waiting for the results...and then hearing the words "you're positive". I've been lying in bed all day googling anything I can find on herpes. Anyway, just hang in there.

 
Old 07-27-2009, 10:01 AM   #11
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Broken35 HB User
Re: Not Shocked Anymore Now Just Mad/Angry

I have been trying to hang in there. I called some of the girls numbers that I found out about it did me no good because it just made me even more mad over and over and over again. I talked to one but the others just would avoid me...and i am the wifie trying to find out what happened and in the meantime maybe even warn them about what has happened but I don't know what is wrong with people these days....it is like they just would rather lay down with trash than to make it work with a Good woman. I hurt every day too. I understand completely how you feel...you said you just lied in bed just hurt and upset ...yep been there too...i am still full of alot of negitive emotion...I even had to get myself in therapy can you believe that!!!!....but at least I can admit when I have a problem because I wanted to hurt and or kill my husband soon to be ex husband for doing this to me...so they say the first step is to admit you have a problem...and my problem is rage...and anger and hurt and all of thee above...but i am trying everyday to crawl alittle then maybe eventually i will be able to get to my knees then be able to stand but IT IS ALL A PROCESS.....I AM NOT TRYING TO FOOL MYSELF LIKE IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME THE HURT MY HUSBAND HAS CAUSED AND RUINING MY LIFE JUST COMING IN TURNING MY WHOLE LIFE UPSIDE DOWN AFTER JUST BEING MARRIED 8 MONTHS DIDN'T EVEN MAKE IT TO A YEAR....BUT I PRAY EVERYDAY I WILL GET BETTER...AND I WILL PRAY THAT YOU GET BETTER AND EVERYONE ELSE OUT THERE THAT CAN FEEL MY PAIN.

 
Old 07-27-2009, 10:41 AM   #12
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coping63 HB User
Re: Not Shocked Anymore Now Just Mad/Angry

Hi chick... Like you said this is a process and you are doing what you need to do to get there.. I agree with Kilgore, these women need to be informed, but the issues is "it might be a waste of time on your part because they are going to see you as the X- and think you are spreading vicious rumors.. You did what you could now you have to let everyone else take responsibuilty for their own lives and the consquences of their own actions...I know this is so hard for you, the fact that he betrayed you and YOU thought you knew him and he is totally a different person then the person he set him self up to be..( Screwed up) but you paid the price unforunatly and he is a poor excuse for a MAN let alone a Human being... You need to focus and just leave it alone, stay away from him, don;t have anything to do with him, all this will do is cause you more pain and you don't need to subject yourself to the going's on in his life.. Karma Chick..what goes around comes around... I am so sorry you are still having such a hard time finding closure and moving forward, First step let it go, the damage is already done and you are a better person then that and you need to stop letting it Control YOU... Take Care and do what you need to do to get back to LIFE... You need me you know how to get in touch... feel better and remember you have others counting on you.. You will be walking before you know it!!!!!

 
Old 07-27-2009, 04:36 PM   #13
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Re: Not Shocked Anymore Now Just Mad/Angry

Hi Broken, Thanks for your prayers...I will pray for you as well. I think you're doing a good thing by trying to warn these women, and a the same time I know you would like to know how you got it. That's what's driving me crazy. For the past 4 1/2 to 5 years, I have only been with two men. So, if my ex-husband tested negative, then I most likely got it from the guy I dated after him. My ex-husband gets his results tomorrow. He's confident that he doesn't have it. If I did get it from him, I'm praying to God that I didn't give it to the other guy. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Now, if I got it from the other guy, I honestly don't think he knows he has it. Before we started dating we both went and got tested for STDs,

What I'm ****** about is the fact that my doctor has never tested me for Herpes. She said they don't test unless you specifically ask for it because some of the insurance companies won't pay for it. I am so ******. When I say I want to be tested for everything, I MEAN EVERYTHING. If they had tested me every years it would be easier for me to figure out how I got it.

I'm pretty sure that I'll probably have to go to therapy too, so don't feel bad about that. I'll probably end up joining a support group. It's going to take time for you to get past your rage and your pain. I think that this site will help to make it easier for you because we all are going through the same thing. I know I'm glad that I found the site. I think that's why I feel better today.

 
Old 07-28-2009, 07:33 AM   #14
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Re: Not Shocked Anymore Now Just Mad/Angry

I understand completely every negitive emotion that you are feeling. Just be glad you are not married. I just got married back September 27, 2008 and I has been one lie after the other about other things then June 8th, 2009 I am told by my doctor I have herpes. So of course I am looking at my husband like "how the hell did i get herpes" cause I had just had a major surgery done back in Jan of this year a hystorectomy and the OBGYN's are all up and though you so i don't understand for the life of me why he would do this. So at least I know one of two things happened. Before we were married i asked him when was the last time he went for STD testing For everything and he told me he was current and had just had check up on everything. Then when we get married and alot of lies and deception start to appear on his part I pop up with herpes I ask him again when was the last time you REALLY WENT TO GET YOURSELF checked out and he said 8 YEARS AGO. of course I was floored. Then when I found out I had herpes just by going in to see my Doctor because I was so stressed out from everything in the marriage I was having high blood pressure issuses i had them test me for STD testing while I was there and it came back that i was positive for HSV2 herpes. I was shocked out of my mind and then when i asked my husband his response was not of a normal spouse where they are shocked and are trying and wanting to run to there nearest doctor to get checked out. I had to tell him to go and when he went he went to a public health department...he had me thinking he had got tested for herpes and everything...then i go back two weeks later to sit down and talk with my doctor about my results because a part of me still did not want to believe it he asked me what my spouse was doing for treatment I told him he went to public health department to get his test....and my doctor told me "THE PUBLIC HEALTH DEPARTMENT DOESN'T DO HERPES TESTING BECAUSE IT IS TOO EXSPENSIVE. THE ONLY TESTING THEY DO IS FOR CLYMIDIA/GONA/SYIFULUS...(I KNOW I SPELLED THAT ALL WRONG) ANYWAYS...i called my husband and said there again you are lying about getting a herpes test done..seem like you would want to know and this would concern you exspecially since you gave it to me...so with him avoiding telling the truth about going to get tested and avoiding the whole thing it lets me know that before we were married HE KNEW HE HAD IT ALREADY AND DIDN'T TELL ME OR HE WENT OUT HERE AND CHEATED WITH SOMEONE AND BROUGHT IT BACK TO ME...SO EITHER WAY I LOOK AT IT BOTH SITUATIONS ARE REALLY SCREWED UP THEN TO GET THE PHONE BILL AND WE BEEN SEPARTATED FOR 48 DAYS AND I SEE YOU CALLING THESE NUMBERS AT 1AM 2AM IN THE MORNING AND TALKING FOR LONG PERIODS OF TIME AND TEXT MESSAGING BACK AND FORTH...SO I CALLED THE NUMBERS AND LIKE I SAID A FEW GIRLS AVOIDED ME BUT I DID TALK TO ONE THAT CONFIRMED IN SOME TYPE OF WAY THEY WERE HAVING A RELATIONSHIP and even in her conversation she would say one thing that would not go with the other info she was talking about...it was like she was holding back but she said she was very upset with him..and i asked her why are you ****** at my husband it you are not interested in him and if you all have not slept together...then she would go on and says well he was asking me questions about my current relationship i am in with my boyfriend and stuff like that and i asked her don't you think that is inapropriate conversation...my husband also coaches football and she said well he calls to see if my son is going to play on is team this year..and i asked her my husband calls you a 1am and 2am and yall text all day long talking about your son playing on his football team that is to start in August YEAH RIGHT!!!!!! SO I AM TRYING TO MOVE FOWARD IT IS LIKE EVERYTIME I TRY TO SOMETHING NEW COMES UP AND I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT...well like i said i am crawling trying to stand...and it is so hard to not wonder what he is doing because i do still love him if i didn't i would not have married him i wish i could just turn it off like a light switch you know.and not care. but i know it is going to take time to heal and that is what i am trying to do with therapy and all i had my first session july 17th and i go this friday july 31st so hopefully this will help me get my life back on track and of course with prayer. and at least i can admit that i have alot of anger and rage and emotion running through me that is why i am getting help because it is several times i wanted to hurt him....because i want him to hurt like he has hurt me....we did not even make it a year. that is terrible ...if men don't want to be married just don't get married and continue to see who you want don't involve other innocent people into there mess. I need all the support i can get.

 
Old 07-28-2009, 07:44 AM   #15
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Re: Not Shocked Anymore Now Just Mad/Angry

I don't know why he even married me at all...it a man want to do what they want...and go out and ***** or what ever don't involve other peoples lives you know.

 
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