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Old 10-22-2009, 01:18 PM   #1
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Exclamation BF of 2 years recently diagnosed with HSV2

Hi everyone, I could really use some advice right now from people who know what they are talking about. I am 19 years old have been in a relationship for over 2 years with an amazing guy. I love him so much and hoped to marry him in the future. A few weeks ago he went for a check up and they took a blood test simply because he was sexually active. They called him on Monday and told him he had HSV2, I was a virgin when we started dating (I was 16) and he had slept with 2 girls previously. I got tested and everything came back negative. Now I don't know what to do with myself or my relationship. I've been having panic attacks because I'm so worried about this I almost cannot function. I'm scared of loosing him, but I'm also scared of contracting the disease, as the rates are pretty high, especially if we get married and stay together. He is getting retested just to be sure of everything, but I've never been so petrified in my entire life. I know that people live healthy, happy lives with this disease, but I'm scared to take the risk, as we are very young and there is a possibility it may not work out. Any advice would be great.

 
Old 10-22-2009, 04:47 PM   #2
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Re: BF of 2 years recently diagnosed with HSV2

in 1999, i was dating a girl and i contracted genital herpes. as far as we knew, neither of us had herpes. we didn't end up being together. i am 29 years old now, i have an amazing fiance, and a handsome 16 month old boy. but through the years before getting together with my now fiance, i told girls that i was going to date about my situation. i have seen their reactions both positive and negative (not too many ngative), and i have felt understanding in most cases. so i know the females perspective/reactions when it comes to being sexually active with a person with herpes.

so i guess, as hard it is going to be, is that you have to make some decisions. your b/f may never deal with his herpes. it may be a non-issue. but he may have to deal with it often. even when not displaying signs of an outbreak it is still possible to pass herpes on to a partner. do reading and lots of it. understand what the "disease" is. i think, and this is just my opinion, you have to be prepared with the possibility that you may contract herpes. but you may never contract herpes if you two are careful.

you both need to be honest with each other. if you love him enough to marry him, this should not be an issue. because you will be together anyways. but if you think there is a possibility that you will not end up together, then maybe you should re-evaluate where you are at in the relationship and where it is going.

i would refrain from any sex until you understand what him having herpes all entails. but be honest with him and tell him that you need time to digest all this info. remember he is not disgusting or gross. herpes is simply a skin infliction that a person has to deal with once in awhile. and the thing is too, more people than you realize have herpes.

 
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Old 10-22-2009, 06:00 PM   #3
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Re: BF of 2 years recently diagnosed with HSV2

Quote:
Originally Posted by allyp View Post
Hi everyone, I could really use some advice right now from people who know what they are talking about. I am 19 years old have been in a relationship for over 2 years with an amazing guy. I love him so much and hoped to marry him in the future. A few weeks ago he went for a check up and they took a blood test simply because he was sexually active. They called him on Monday and told him he had HSV2, I was a virgin when we started dating (I was 16) and he had slept with 2 girls previously. I got tested and everything came back negative. Now I don't know what to do with myself or my relationship. I've been having panic attacks because I'm so worried about this I almost cannot function. I'm scared of loosing him, but I'm also scared of contracting the disease, as the rates are pretty high, especially if we get married and stay together. He is getting retested just to be sure of everything, but I've never been so petrified in my entire life. I know that people live healthy, happy lives with this disease, but I'm scared to take the risk, as we are very young and there is a possibility it may not work out. Any advice would be great.
Hi,
When you had gotten tested did you specifically ask for a herpes test? Many or should I say most doctors do not test for herpes unless they are asked.
See this is what kills me.. you would think knowing would be better then not ( I am in this situation now) .... sometimes knowing messes things up when it shouldnt. If you can see yourself spending your life with him, it honestly is not a big deal. If you leave him chances are the next man may have it and not know... its a 1 in 5 chance. Would you really pass up on possibly the man of your life over a pesky skin condition? It kinda makes you think a little what if it were a more serious problem.. would you walk away?

Its great that you took the first step to come here.. I suggest that you read up on it, I don't think throwing your relationship away over this is a good idea and if you do.. it kinda make you think why are you in the relationship to begin with if you walk out on him when he needs you.. ya know?

I wish you the best

Please see transmissions rates below
Here are the Female to Male transmission rates

If you have 100 couples where the female has HSV 2 but not the male (these figures are over a year) the odds of female to male transmission are if you do nothing other than avoid sex during an outbreak 4 men out of a 100 will get herpes in a year or 4% (96% chance of not getting it) If you do go on a suppressive therapy then it drops to 2 men out of a 100 in a year or 2% (98% chance of not getting it) and if you use suppressive and a condom the chances are 1 man out of a 100 will get herpes in one year or 1% (99% chance of not getting it).

Male to Female Transmission Rate

If you have 100 couples where the male has HSV 2 but not the female (these figures are over a year) the odds of male to female transmission are if you do nothing (other than avoid sex when there is an outbreak) 8-10 females out of a 100 will get herpes in a year or 8-10% (90 -92 % chance of not getting it) If you do go on a suppressive therapy then it drops to 4-5 females out of a 100 in a year or 4-5% (95-96% chance of not getting it) and if you use suppressive therapy and a condom the chances are 2-3 females out of a 100 will get herpes in one year or 2-3% (97-98% chance of not getting it).

The valtrex and transmission study stats are based on having sex 2 times/week.
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Old 10-22-2009, 06:38 PM   #4
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Re: BF of 2 years recently diagnosed with HSV2

I was in the same situation. im 20 and have been with my boyfriend for 1 and a half years. i was diagnosed with herpes simplex 2 which i had got from him. im still with him, nothing in the relationship changed, i understood that it was obviously something he had before i was with him and he was unaware of it. he has never had a outbreak and i get them all the time. the only ultimate low is the outbreaks, they mess with your hormones and make u feel like crap, but there is antibiotics and if your healthy and keep your immune system well the outbreaks are less often and not as severe.

there could have been a slight chance that the test results came back wrong, hence the retesting. but it is possible to have a relationship with someone with herpes.

to be honest if you love him, stay with him. this really shouldnt break up a perfectly good relationship. unless of course he has been unfaithful and contracted it that way.

hope this helps.

 
Old 10-22-2009, 08:25 PM   #5
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Re: BF of 2 years recently diagnosed with HSV2

Thank you all for your advice, I really do appreciate it soo much. I did specifically ask for the herpes test. As far as the rest goes, Its not that I would be walking away from him in a time that he needs me, I want this to work just as much as he does, its more that I don't know how I will feel when we have sex, or after. I'm very worried I will feel panicked or want to get a blood test or something every time we have sex. I'm going to the doctor to further understand the risks, as I'm still very concerned. Just wondering, how many outbreaks is a lot, and if I do contract hsv 2, how does having an outbreak feel? Please don't sugar coat anything, if i'm going to make a decision I would like to have all that facts, thank you all so much.

Last edited by allyp; 10-22-2009 at 08:26 PM.

 
Old 10-22-2009, 10:32 PM   #6
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Re: BF of 2 years recently diagnosed with HSV2

Quote:
Originally Posted by allyp View Post
Thank you all for your advice, I really do appreciate it soo much. I did specifically ask for the herpes test. As far as the rest goes, Its not that I would be walking away from him in a time that he needs me, I want this to work just as much as he does, its more that I don't know how I will feel when we have sex, or after. I'm very worried I will feel panicked or want to get a blood test or something every time we have sex. I'm going to the doctor to further understand the risks, as I'm still very concerned. Just wondering, how many outbreaks is a lot, and if I do contract hsv 2, how does having an outbreak feel? Please don't sugar coat anything, if i'm going to make a decision I would like to have all that facts, thank you all so much.
Everyones outbreaks are different, they can be really quite uncomfortable and painful, but with antibiotics you will have relief in a couple of days. usually the first outbreak of herpes is the worst. then they say as time goes on you get lesser outbreaks a year, ive had it for a year and only had 3 outbreaks. which i consider pretty good compared to other people considering im quite unhealthy and have a low immune system.

i guess you cant really describe an outbreak as everyones are different.
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Old 10-24-2009, 11:10 PM   #7
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Re: BF of 2 years recently diagnosed with HSV2

allyp,
I seen your post on another thread, what kind of blood test did your boyfriend have? If he had the IgM, that test is worthless and should not be ran. If he had the IgG, find out what the numeric values are, or if he didn't have the IgG herpes type specific done I suggest that he get it done and go based of the them results. It may be a good idea for you to also look into which test you had done
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Old 10-24-2009, 11:29 PM   #8
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Re: BF of 2 years recently diagnosed with HSV2

Quote:
Originally Posted by allyp View Post
Hi everyone, I could really use some advice right now from people who know what they are talking about. I am 19 years old have been in a relationship for over 2 years with an amazing guy. I love him so much and hoped to marry him in the future. A few weeks ago he went for a check up and they took a blood test simply because he was sexually active. They called him on Monday and told him he had HSV2, I was a virgin when we started dating (I was 16) and he had slept with 2 girls previously. I got tested and everything came back negative. Now I don't know what to do with myself or my relationship. I've been having panic attacks because I'm so worried about this I almost cannot function. I'm scared of loosing him, but I'm also scared of contracting the disease, as the rates are pretty high, especially if we get married and stay together. He is getting retested just to be sure of everything, but I've never been so petrified in my entire life. I know that people live healthy, happy lives with this disease, but I'm scared to take the risk, as we are very young and there is a possibility it may not work out. Any advice would be great.
Surprisingly, a lot of sexually active adults have genital herpes - reported to be about 25%, but is probably much higher... its inconvenient / embarassing but not a huge medical problem for most, although some suffer severe attacks. There are newer more sensitive blood tests that can confirm the dx, (can't recall the name but you can find it on the net)Out break is usually just a small pimple that hurts - mild cases often are un noticed, thinking its an ingrown hair. Lasts about 3-7 days. You can take some medication to make the outbreaks short and mild (acyclovir). Get tested and use prophalactic to be safe. Don't freak .

 
Old 10-24-2009, 11:53 PM   #9
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Re: BF of 2 years recently diagnosed with HSV2

I havent been able to get a look at my actual results yet, i just know what the doctor told me. His infection is from before me, I am absolutely positive that he has not been with anyone but me in over 2 1/2 years. Does this increase the risk in error? Wouldn't he have a higher positive if it was an ongoing infection? Thanks for the help, I can't tell you how great this board has been.

 
Old 10-25-2009, 12:03 AM   #10
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Re: BF of 2 years recently diagnosed with HSV2

Quote:
Originally Posted by allyp View Post
I havent been able to get a look at my actual results yet, i just know what the doctor told me. His infection is from before me, I am absolutely positive that he has not been with anyone but me in over 2 1/2 years. Does this increase the risk in error? Wouldn't he have a higher positive if it was an ongoing infection? Thanks for the help, I can't tell you how great this board has been.
Yes his numbers should be higher.. for example mine are HSV2 >5 I have had it for 9 almost 10 yrs That is why I am thinking his test may be false.

I am glad it helps... thats what we are here for
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Old 10-25-2009, 12:18 AM   #11
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Re: BF of 2 years recently diagnosed with HSV2

He also has never had an outbreak since he has gotten it. Could the low numbers be because the virus is dormant? or would the numbers be the same in active and dormant cases? I agree, after 3 years the number should be higher.

 
Old 10-25-2009, 12:26 AM   #12
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Re: BF of 2 years recently diagnosed with HSV2

Quote:
Originally Posted by allyp View Post
He also has never had an outbreak since he has gotten it. Could the low numbers be because the virus is dormant? or would the numbers be the same in active and dormant cases? I agree, after 3 years the number should be higher.
Nah, the numbers should be higher regardless if it is dormant or not. This is such a tricky virus
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Old 10-25-2009, 01:11 AM   #13
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Re: BF of 2 years recently diagnosed with HSV2

Thank you so much. I've learned more in the past week than I think I ever have about anything. One more question for you, if he does have it, what is the risk of me contracting it using valtrex daily, as well as condoms? He has not had an outbreak yet.

 
Old 10-25-2009, 01:15 AM   #14
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Re: BF of 2 years recently diagnosed with HSV2

Quote:
Originally Posted by allyp View Post
Thank you so much. I've learned more in the past week than I think I ever have about anything. One more question for you, if he does have it, what is the risk of me contracting it using valtrex daily, as well as condoms? He has not had an outbreak yet.
No problem,
If he uses both then the risk of transmission would be 2-3% a year not a time...which means a 97-98% chance of not getting it

Also if you 2 weren't using condoms, the risk without the condom and just using valtrex then its a 4-5% chance of getting it, which would still be lower then what you were at before you found out which was 8-10%.



Male to Female Transmission Rate

If you have 100 couples where the male has HSV 2 but not the female (these figures are over a year) the odds of male to female transmission are if you do nothing (other than avoid sex when there is an outbreak) 8-10 females out of a 100 will get herpes in a year or 8-10% (90 -92 % chance of not getting it) If you do go on a suppressive therapy then it drops to 4-5 females out of a 100 in a year or 4-5% (95-96% chance of not getting it) and if you use suppressive therapy and a condom the chances are 2-3 females out of a 100 will get herpes in one year or 2-3% (97-98% chance of not getting it).

The valtrex and transmission study stats are based on having sex 2 times/week.
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Last edited by angeleyz81; 10-25-2009 at 01:20 AM.

 
Old 10-25-2009, 08:18 AM   #15
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Re: BF of 2 years recently diagnosed with HSV2

I also keep reading about this vaccine called Herpevac. Is that anywhere near coming out?

 
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