i'm paranoid of passing HSV1 to my toddler... Please help!! Need advice and support!
Hi, I've had cold sores on and off since college but just diagnosed for sure last year.
A little history: I assumed I got it from my mom who's always had it since young, but our outbreaks are quite rare (once every 2-3 years, sometimes longer) we never thought of it as anything, especially since my mom told me it was probably an allergy and you only got it if you lacked sleep for a few days straight. I found out about HSV 1 by accident online and felt the symptoms were eerily the same like what we had, so last year we both got tested and got tested positive for HSV1 and negative for HSV2.
The thing is I have a 4 year-old son who before I found out about all this I loved to smother kisses on. I never kissed him during an OB before out of reflex and logical thinking since there were blisters on your mouth. But I've been reading about asymptomatic shedding and it freaked me out.
Does it mean I can never kiss my son again, even when there are no signs of outbreaks? This really breaks my heart. And the irony is I've had it for 10 years maybe and out of ignorance never even thought of anything, and now whenever I'm with my son, it's really making me paranoid. And reading about toddlers who have it is no help at all, if anything it makes me even more paranoid since you can't control toddlers to keep their hands off the sores and in a big risk of passing it on to the other parts of their body.
I sometimes wish I never found out about any of this and kept being ignorant, but I realized that this is a good thing, it would be so much more devastating if I found out about this after I passed it on to my son. It's just that it's extremely difficult to keep this in perspective and I really don't know how to make sure my son is safe from me. He's been asking for kisses lately as he probably senses that I haven't been kissing him as much and it really makes me cry and yet I'm so scared to even put my face anywhere near him.
I now also worry about passing it to my husband, he enjoys me giving him oral sex. I've told him about my HSV 1 and he seems to accept it just fine, but it seems that he thinks it's only contagious during outbreaks, and I'm afraid to tell him about asymptomatic shedding in fear of ruining our sex life. We've been married for 6 years and he was tested negative. But again, with all the asymptomatic shedding, I'm becoming paranoid as well with him. Overall since I found out about all this I haven't been in peace, every itch on my face or anywhere else for that matter sent me to extreme paranoia. I keep telling myself that I've had it for 10 years and never pass it on to anyone, including exes, but now that I know everything about this desease, it's killing me.
I'm sorry for the long post, but this site is the best I've found so far since it seems a lot of of the posters are experienced, supportive and really educate themselves on this illness. I really really need advice, especially the one related to kissing children. Any parents with HSV1 with small children, please share your story with me. Any advice and support is greatly appreciated! Thank you.