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Old 07-12-2011, 08:06 PM   #1
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Unhappy I am DISGUSTING :(

Okay. So my story is pathetic and disgusting. I hate myself for it. But I need help and to talk to people because I am driving myself crazy with emotions... Okay, so I got genital HSV-1 from my ex's other girlfriend. YUPP. here is the gross story. I was in love with this man that was dating me AND another girl. Don't ask me why I let him, just cuz I was in love with him and didn't want to lose him. His fantasy was to have a 3some with me and this other girl.... and one day I gave in she had oral HSV-1. next thing you know I have an outbreak... he is the only person I slept with in the past year (and I've been tested with him) so I know I got it from her... or him I guess. Was it cuz of her shedding? I don't really understand, cuz she didn't give me oral or anything. Just genital to genital contact. EW. I hate myself. So anyway, now, this douche bag is done with me and wants to be with this other girl... So here I am. Left with my heart broken and genital herpes. I seriously want to die. I have never felt so betrayed in my life. I did EVERYTHING for this man... and now my entire life is changed. I feel so disgusting and messed up. I just found out 2 weeks ago. I haven't gone a single day without thinking about it.. and every time I do, I think of him. I just want to forget him. How do you quit thinking about the person who gave you herpes? I hate him. For more reasons than just the herpes, but how could he just leave me after knowing what I have and that he gave it to me... now I am just rambling. well. I had to get this gross secret out...

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Old 07-12-2011, 09:52 PM   #2
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Re: I am DISGUSTING :(

Hi,
You must have gotten it from him if you know for sure you did not have it prior. In order to get it from her she would have had to perform oral on you.

Its understandable to feel the way you are right now since you recently found out. To be honest would you really still want to be with him, he doesn't seem like someone that really cares about you to begin with.

This virus is really just a pesky skin condition in the grand scheme of things and HSV1 genitally tends to have less outbreaks and shedding then HSV2 so that is a good thing.

Just try to educate yourself on the virus and take it day by day and just know that it does not define you as a person at all you are still the same person. When it comes time to date again just know many people out there are accepting of the virus and you can continue to live a happy healthy normal life.
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Old 07-13-2011, 08:20 AM   #3
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Re: I am DISGUSTING :(

Awe thank you! I just try to help as I know how it is to not have someone to talk to sometimes. How are you feeling today? I have answered your questions below


Quote:
Originally Posted by eh4ar View Post
I have a couple questions that you may be able to help me with. So, they both had been tested before for STD's including herpes and they have come back negative.Are you sure they were both tested for Herpes, this is normally not part of the stanard STD panel but should be asked for the girl has oral h1. is that why it didn't show up??If she has Oral HSV1 this should have shown up on the blood test if she has had it longer then 4 months also, if he got a blood test done and has genital h1 would it show up in a blood test for sure??Yes but it can take up to 4 months or sometimes a little longer to be detected in the blood and also depends on the type of test used. The IgM should NOT be used as its unreliable the IgG herpes type specific blood test is the one that should be used. I am just curious. I haven't talked to him since then, but he said he was gonna get tested and I am just wondering. And here is a HUGE question.... since you brought up dating. I am TERRIFIED of dating now here is my huge issue... can I have sex without telling that person till I am ready?Honestly in my opinion it is not right as everybody should have the choice on whether or not they want to take the risk Is it okay if I start dating someone and we use condoms and then I tell them later?It is best to disclose the information before becoming intimate with the other person this will not only show that you care about them but shows that you are brave because it takes courage to disclose such personal information. Also condoms do not protect 100% against this virus because its transmitted from skin to skin contact and the whole boxer short area is not covered.
As hard as it all sounds in regards to telling a new partner it really isn't that bad. That is why its best to learn about the virus so when the time comes you are able to answer questions someone may have. Also, when telling someone else never make it sound like the worst thing in the world because its not and how you covey it is how it is conceived.

For me I found the positive in this.. at least it will normally weed out men just looking for a one night stand and also allows you to get to know someone more and build upon that first ya know. How long you take to talk to the person is up to you but I would suggest doing it before hand so the person doesn't feel betrayed.
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Last edited by angeleyz81; 07-13-2011 at 08:24 AM.

 
Old 07-13-2011, 07:15 PM   #4
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Re: I am DISGUSTING :(

wow thanks so much! you have helped me out like you can't imagine. and you are so knowledgable! I am starting to write down tons of information to have so I can present the facts to anyone I have to. I am doing okay today.. kinda weird, I saw that girl today at the gym (my ex's girlfriend). so that kinda got me down for a bit. I just hate her lol. But mostly I am just nervous about ever finding a boy. I like this guy I work with. But he is my age (22)... do you really think someone that young would be able to understand and be accepting? I'm just scared that they would tell everyone if we broke up or something. I have major trust issues. and what if they next guy I date isn't "the one" and I date a few people before finding "the one" then all those guys will know my secret... that scares me a lot

 
Old 07-13-2011, 08:57 PM   #5
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Re: I am DISGUSTING :(

Hi,
I am glad I can help. Yes I believe that people your age will be accepting of it, especially if it is someone that wants a relationship and not out to play games.

I understand what you mean about one person telling another but by you choosing who you tell you should be comfortable with them enough to trust that they wont say anything if you 2 break up I don't believe every person is malicious.

It will work out though
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Old 07-14-2011, 03:18 PM   #6
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Re: I am DISGUSTING :(

Quote:
Originally Posted by eh4ar View Post
wow thanks so much! you have helped me out like you can't imagine. and you are so knowledgable! I am starting to write down tons of information to have so I can present the facts to anyone I have to. I am doing okay today.. kinda weird, I saw that girl today at the gym (my ex's girlfriend). so that kinda got me down for a bit. I just hate her lol. But mostly I am just nervous about ever finding a boy. I like this guy I work with. But he is my age (22)... do you really think someone that young would be able to understand and be accepting? I'm just scared that they would tell everyone if we broke up or something. I have major trust issues. and what if they next guy I date isn't "the one" and I date a few people before finding "the one" then all those guys will know my secret... that scares me a lot
hey i wondered if i could talk to you about this post, im in the same boat and would love to talk to you about it for re-assurance. i feel exactly the same. feel like ill never be happy, and be on my own forever now

 
Old 07-14-2011, 04:23 PM   #7
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Re: I am DISGUSTING :(

No, please dont feel that way. I know it is a normal feeling as we have all been there but once you start to accept it and educate yourself on it. When the time does come to tell someone you will be prepared , sure nervous but prepared for questions.

Many people that don't know about the virus will be willing to read up on it after you telling them some will look at you for some answers but a lot of people know this is not life threatening and they will be willing to take the risk. Sure there are some people that wont want to take the risk but that is fine it just means it was not meant to be and someone else is out there.

Keep your head up it does get better
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Old 07-15-2011, 04:31 PM   #8
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Re: I am DISGUSTING :(

Hi,
Yes people really are accepting.. I was with my exhusband a month before I told him and he needed a day or two but then he didn't care.. we were together for 4 yrs. Do me a favor if you ever have time, there is a thread at the top of this message board called "Happy Couples" it is a great read of stories where people found love after herpes.

Honestly it will take time to forget him but you have to put yourself first and not let him get the best of you. I had gotten herpes from being raped and as hard as that was I eventually forgave but before I was able to do that I was not letting that monster get the best of me and I knew I was still special and that even with herpes I was still the same person. Once I started thinking about me.. eventually everything else fades away there are times I had forgotten I even had herpes just because its not that big of a deal ya know.
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Old 07-15-2011, 05:04 PM   #9
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Re: I am DISGUSTING :(

I am sorry to hear about how you got herpes that's awful. It's so inspiring to me to see that you are so happy with your life and don't let if affect you in a major way.. How long did it take you to be okay with yourself and not be sad about it? Just wondering. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks since I found out my culture test was positive.. I still haven't accepted it.

and I will go check out the "Happy Couples" thread right now!! Thanks for telling me! I really need to hear encouraging happy stories lol.

 
Old 07-15-2011, 06:52 PM   #10
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Re: I am DISGUSTING :(

It took a few months to grasp onto the herpes issue. If I had read up on it and everything soon after finding out I feel that I would have been more at ease with it sooner I guess I was just in shock of it all and then the whole "why me" complex. It also helps if you have someone close that you can talk to. You know keeping things in is normally asking for trouble lol.

Yes please do read the happy couples thread Also if you have anymore questions feel free to reach out
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Old 07-16-2011, 12:47 PM   #11
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Re: I am DISGUSTING :(

I have been reading the happy couples thread and I love it! it's so encouraging!!! It makes me feel like everything is gonna be just fine..


One more thing I am really wondering is do you have any tips at all to where H isn't constantly on your mind? I am trying so hard to be happy again.. I used to love life and smile constantly and now, H is all I think about and it really limits my happiness. I don't like it.. I don't want to "forget" that I have it, I just don't want it to be all that I think of. Or have every happy thought somehow come back to the fact that I have H and so my life is change. I am more accepting of it, but I don't want it to be the only thing on my mind or affect my mood... if that makes sense.

 
Old 07-16-2011, 04:58 PM   #12
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Re: I am DISGUSTING :(

I am so happy that thread helped!

As for it not being on your mind all the time.. well just try to keep yourself busy just doing things you love and surrounding yourself with friends and family to keep you active so that you don't have time to think.

When I have a lot of down time I still think about things lol but that is part of being human In time though you will see you will start to think of it less and there will be times you don't even think of it at all to the point where you will forget you have it ...I mean not really "forget forget" but just that you don't think about it.. and outbreaks aren't occurring and you have nothing to remind you of it ya know.

But I am glad you are feeling better!
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Old 07-16-2011, 05:20 PM   #13
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Re: I am DISGUSTING :(

thank you so much! you are so incredibly helpful and kind!!!

 
Old 07-16-2011, 06:46 PM   #14
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Re: I am DISGUSTING :(

No problem Just glad I was able to help out.
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Old 07-18-2011, 04:34 PM   #15
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Re: I am DISGUSTING :(

I am very sorry this has happened to you. I was just diagnosed today myself and it was great to hear encouraging words.
I think the important thing to remember is that even if you weren't in the specific sexual position you were in, if he was sleeping with her, you probably would have still gotten it from him had he instead tried to hide her from you, because likely he has it too. So don't beat yourself up for your experimentation.
I think to me the most frustrating thing is not knowing how or when I got it, and maybe knowing about his and her disrespect for your body and being able to blame them instead of yourself for being immature about it will help bring you closure.
I came to this site looking for a way to cope and I think I made the right choice when I see people being so supporting as they are to you! And I sincerely hope things get easier for us ALL! :-)
But don't feel or call yourself disgusting or less of a person because of this. You don't deserve it and this isn't your fault!

 
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