please let me vent! i need to say something
hi everybody im so new to all this. i found out i have hsv about 2 weeks ago. it really felt like i died. im 22 & i have 2 beautiful daughters that really look up to me. i feel like a piece of ****! i feel dirty, embarrassed. ashamed, regretful & hurt just to name a few. idk exactly where i got it from because i had sex with 1) an on & off again boyfriend that i've been dating for 3mos. well we were pretty much just having sex but we still acted like bf/gf & 2) this guy i met at a party while me & guy1 weren't together. guy2 & i had sex once with a condom & i gave him oral twice. me & guy1 never used condoms. anyway after having sex with guy2 i got sick as ****! flu like symptoms, sore throat & kinda itchy down there. same thing happened after having sex with guy1, sore throat, itchy & painful vagina after sex. before having sex with these guys i already was diagnosed with mono but i took all my meds & everything was fine. i also shaved a few days b4 having sex with them too & you'll see why i added that part. i started discharging like crazy which i hardly ever do, i started itching and burning when i pee & walk. initially i thought i cut myself from shaving but then i noticed bumps. i said **** this im going 2 the hospital. i had a gut feeling i had herpes for some reasons. i was hoping it was just a uti or an infected cut from shaving, **** idk i was just hoping it wasnt what i thought. during the pap test the dr looked @ the bumps & its like he already knew but he still took samples. after that he confirmed what i thought, i have hvs. all i did was cry. i knew i just ****** up my life. on top of that i had bv. i had an gyn appt the next day & my dr was so disappointed. she gave me prescriptions for everything & some pamplets. my mind is still ****** up from this but i try so hard 2 be optimistic but im in so much pain..literally! ok the ob lasted about a week then next thing you know the tingling and itching started coming back (i've been reading sooo much about hsv & asking tons of questions). i knew i was getting another ob, its crazy because i just got rid of the last one like 1 damn day b4 but i guess since it was time for my period it flared back up. 15 days since the news & my emotions & outlook on people & life has changed drastically! im all about improving my health (trying desperately to stop smoking cigarettes) im more hard on guys because i dont want anybody to fall for me or get close. i definitely do encourage my friends to wear condoms & be more aware. i havent told my friends but 2 family member do know. its the beginning of an end for me but im gonna get through this & possiblely be better than i was before. sad this was the wake up call i had to get but it is was it is. my good girl days are over & my bad girl days are over. im figuring out what i want & who i am. i can go on & on but im gonna stop here..thank you so much for letting me get this off my chest.