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Old 07-29-2012, 03:36 PM   #1
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I'm dating a girl who had a single outbreak 13 years ago, is it safe to have sex?

Hi,

I'm not sure which type she had but I believe it is HSV-2. She had a single outbreak almost 13 years ago, and ever since she had no symptoms at all, and she is not taking any medication either ever since. She said that she got it through vertical transmission.

We have not started to have sex yet, but I'm really concerned and worried. Is she still contagious? Is there a test to rule out her being contagious? What is the safest way to have a safe sex? She says that her ex of a long term relationship did not contract the virus and she never got any symptoms even since that out break.

Is there a test to do and know how things are? How do we have safe sex? Honestly, I'm freaking out and don't know what to do. A couple of years ago, I got an awful case of chickenpox and I was bedridden and had fever all the time, and the memory of that is freaking me out -and that was just chickenpox. I'm sorry if I appear insensitive, I'm just speaking my mind but means no offense to anyone.

What do you advise me to do? The relationship is still at the early stages and she just told me about the herpes yesterday and I did not know how to react!

Thanks in advance!

 
Old 07-30-2012, 10:52 AM   #2
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Re: I'm dating a girl who had a single outbreak 13 years ago, is it safe to have sex?

Help anyone? I'm clueless. Is there a real safe way to do it? We are avoiding the subject and I don't want to hurt her in any way!

 
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Old 07-30-2012, 05:53 PM   #3
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Re: I'm dating a girl who had a single outbreak 13 years ago, is it safe to have sex?

Hello,
The best thing you can do is be honest with her. She respected you enough to let you know about her HSV so if you are scared of getting it then I suggest you both go your separate ways or just remain friends and no sex.

I say this because even though she has no signs or symptoms and hasn't had an outbreak and her previous partner did not get it doesn't mean there is no risk. There is always a risk when it comes to this virus even when using a condom, this is because the condom does not cover the whole boxer short area and the virus is transmitted from skin to skin contact.

Using a condom will lessen the risk but there is always a risk because we never know when we are "shedding".

Just as an FYI, an estimated 80% of people that have genital herpes do not even know they have it.
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Old 07-31-2012, 03:03 PM   #4
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Re: I'm dating a girl who had a single outbreak 13 years ago, is it safe to have sex?

Thanks "angeleyz81" for your reply.

Like I said we have not started having sex yet and actually we were going to start on a vacation we were planning after one month as we are apart due to both of our work, and after that we will go back to different places.

Now, she said she wants this vacation and wants to have sex during this vacation even if after that nothing would work out or the relationship would be taken to the next level or something.

The point is I don't want to hurt her and I do wish to make her happy and give her what she wants but yet I'm afraid. Is there something we can do to make things very safe? Beside using condom, for example taking Valaciclovir for a certain amount of time prior to our vacation, would it make any difference during this week? Anything else to be done? I would feel very guilty if I turned her down like that while there is a chance to make things safe during that week.

Thanks again for your help and sorry for maybe silly questions I have.

 
Old 07-31-2012, 03:06 PM   #5
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Re: I'm dating a girl who had a single outbreak 13 years ago, is it safe to have sex?

Sorry the message were posted twice and did not know how to delete the duplicated post.

Last edited by Mush82; 07-31-2012 at 03:08 PM. Reason: Duplicate

 
Old 07-31-2012, 03:45 PM   #6
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Re: I'm dating a girl who had a single outbreak 13 years ago, is it safe to have sex?

Hello,
No worries, no silly questions. If she takes the medication that will lessen the risk as well as using condoms. The other thing you can do is to wear your boxers and the condom so there is no skin to skin contact that would be the best method, but at the same time I am not sure if it will make her feel funny. This is something you both can talk about when the time comes.
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Old 08-02-2012, 09:06 AM   #7
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Re: I'm dating a girl who had a single outbreak 13 years ago, is it safe to have sex?

angeleyz81

Thanks again!

Another question -sorry!

Would it help if I take valacyclovir as well? How long does she need to take it before the vacation? Should I start at the same time?

Thanks again! Much obliged!

 
Old 08-02-2012, 10:24 AM   #8
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Re: I'm dating a girl who had a single outbreak 13 years ago, is it safe to have sex?

No worries There hasn't been any proof that an unaffected person taking the medication has any effect on them getting the virus, if it worked that way it would be great. I just suggest that you keep your immune system up , maybe a bit of vitamin c. As for her I would suggest at least 3 days before and during so that the medication has time to be in her system.
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Old 08-02-2012, 12:22 PM   #9
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Re: I'm dating a girl who had a single outbreak 13 years ago, is it safe to have sex?

Thanks a lot!

 
Old 08-02-2012, 12:29 PM   #10
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Re: I'm dating a girl who had a single outbreak 13 years ago, is it safe to have sex?

Anytime
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Old 08-15-2012, 11:12 AM   #11
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Re: I'm dating a girl who had a single outbreak 13 years ago, is it safe to have sex?

Just thought I'd add some information and share personal experience in response to your post. Let my preface by saying that I am not a doctor or in the medical profession. However, I have a similar experience and may be able to add some insight.

First, let me say that the fact that this girl was upfront with you regarding her condition says a lot. Believe me, not having symptoms for that long might encourage some people, wrongly, to not disclose any information. In return, I think the best thing to do is to be honest with her about your concerns. If you're not, and you do decide to become intimate, resentment on your part because of these concerns will become noticeable and cause her more guilt about her condition, something she doesn't need to feel after being so honest with you.

Second, as far as the risk is concerned, you should take some comfort in knowing that she has not had symptoms for such a long period of time. It means that she is less likely to spread the virus through viral shedding - which does occur through skin to skin contact - than someone who has regular symptoms or outbreaks. In addition, wearing a condom lowers the risk even further. As for the daily medication which does continue to lower the risk of spreading, I've been told by my doctor that the combination of three things; showing no symptoms, wearing a condom, and taking the daily medication reduces the risk to an extremely minimal chance that she is capable of spreading it and can be compared to the risk that a woman would have of getting pregnant while taking daily birth control.

To add some personal experience, I was diagnosed with hsv-2 about a year and a half ago. Similarly, I have shown no symptoms and have been taking the daily Valtrex ever since my diagnosis. I have been in a relationship since the time of my diagnoses, and have been sexually active. My boyfriend, like you, does not have the virus even after a year of being intimate, often times without a condom. Again, I am not a doctor or in the medical profession, but I hope that this information helps in your decision making process. Again, it's completely up to you and you should not feel bad about your decisions either way. As long as you are honest.

 
Old 08-15-2012, 11:13 AM   #12
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Re: I'm dating a girl who had a single outbreak 13 years ago, is it safe to have sex?

Just thought I'd add some information and share personal experience in response to your post. Let my preface by saying that I am not a doctor or in the medical profession. However, I have a similar experience and may be able to add some insight.

First, let me say that the fact that this girl was upfront with you regarding her condition says a lot. Believe me, not having symptoms for that long might encourage some people, wrongly, to not disclose any information. In return, I think the best thing to do is to be honest with her about your concerns. If you're not, and you do decide to become intimate, resentment on your part because of these concerns will become noticeable and cause her more guilt about her condition, something she doesn't need to feel after being so honest with you.

Second, as far as the risk is concerned, you should take some comfort in knowing that she has not had symptoms for such a long period of time. It means that she is less likely to spread the virus through viral shedding - which does occur through skin to skin contact - than someone who has regular symptoms or outbreaks. In addition, wearing a condom lowers the risk even further. As for the daily medication which does continue to lower the risk of spreading, I've been told by my doctor that the combination of three things; showing no symptoms, wearing a condom, and taking the daily medication reduces the risk to an extremely minimal chance that she is capable of spreading it and can be compared to the risk that a woman would have of getting pregnant while taking daily birth control.

To add some personal experience, I was diagnosed with hsv-2 about a year and a half ago. Similarly, I have shown no symptoms and have been taking the daily Valtrex ever since my diagnosis. I have been in a relationship since the time of my diagnoses, and have been sexually active. My boyfriend, like you, does not have the virus even after a year of being intimate, often times without a condom. Again, I am not a doctor or in the medical profession, but I hope that this information helps in your decision making process. Again, it's completely up to you and you should not feel bad about your decisions either way. As long as you are honest.

 
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