I recently found out that my long term boyfriend has Herpes, most likely from me performing oral on him while I had a cold sore. I feel devastated that I could cause him pain/ suffering for years and years to come. He says they never hurt, only itch and he never feels sick; so I shouldn't worry about that.
How can I get over this feeling that it's my fault?
Also, I am unsure if I could have transmitted it on my genitals or not. We've only had unprotected sex three times as I was only put on birth control two months ago and after he started getting bumps (about a month ago) we used protection every time. He went to the doctor yesterday and they took a blood test but the doctor said it was most likely herpes, and gave him a prescription. I think I am going to get tested when I go to get my next birth control shot.
I love my boyfriend more than anything, but I am terrified of what the long term effects of this disease will be. Any advice, or words of encouragement?
Last edited by Dawn2394; 08-15-2012 at 12:11 PM.
The Following User Says Thank You to Dawn2394 For This Useful Post: Jessielou (08-18-2012)
To ease things there are no health problems with this, just something that will be with him for the rest of his life. In all actuality it is just a pesky skin condition.
If you are the one that gave it to him the chances of you getting it genitally would be slim because your body already has the antibodies to the virus. I know that you can't help but feel upset but if he is not making a big deal out of it you shouldn't either.
Just take things one day at a time and try not think of the virus, as nothing has changed but this pesky thing being thrown into the mix.
*Please remember you can still transmit (even when no signs)& catch herpes even while using a condom since it is transmitted from skin to skin contact or from sore secretions not inanimate objects*
The Following User Says Thank You to angeleyz81 For This Useful Post: Dawn2394 (08-15-2012)
Also, I have heard there is a difference between contracting herpes from someone's cold sore during oral sex (my situation) and contracting it from someone with the virus on their genitals. Can anyone offer insight on this?
Sorry to hear about this. The first thing is, you both should be tested. Not only for Herpes, but for the type. There are two types hsv-1 and hsv-2. Both can be spread but most often cold sores fall into the hsv-1 category. Generally, hsv-1 cases cause less frequent outbreaks than hsv-2. To find out which type, he should have a test done when he is having an outbreak. This can be done by having one of the sores swabbed and is the most accurate way of testing for the type. If he is not having an outbreak, the next best thing is to have the Herpes select blood test, which will test the blood and determine to a pretty high accuracy rate, the type of herpes that is present. Keep in mind that you need to wait for at least 3 months after he had his first symptoms. The longer you wait, the more accurate the blood test. As you are currently not having genital outbreaks, the blood test is what you should have done to determine what you have. Keep in mind that since he now has what looks like herpes on his genitals, he can spread the virus to your genital area even when he is not having symptoms or outbreaks, and even if he is wearing a condom. Herpes is tricky and can be spread even by skin to skin contact - any skin near the groin area, even if it is not where he has had outbreaks in the past, can spread the virus. Not always, but when he is "shedding" the virus which most often occurs a few days before, obviously during, and a few days after a current outbreak. Keep in mind I am not a doctor or in the medical profession so the best person to talk to about this is your doctor. I also believe that if you are over 18 your medical records are private, even to your parents. But again, this is another question to ask your doctor. Believe me, any conversation you have with your doctor is private. I guarantee that he or she would rather have this conversation with you than risk you going on false information. I'm sure your parents, no matter how strict, would prefer this as well. So don't be afraid to ask! Hope this helps.