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Old 08-17-2012, 10:20 PM   #1
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Newly Diagnosed...

I was recently diagnosed with HSV 2... and I am having a very difficult time dealing with it. I tested positive on July 19th, and it seems that I am having an outbreak every menstrual cycle...they have been extremely painful. I am in my late 40s and have always been very selective about my intimate relationships. The "man" (for lack of a better word) who passed this on to me did not inform me of his situation. We had dated 4 years ago, and recently got back together. He said all the right and wonderful things : ( We had the talk about sex and he tod me that he was recently tested for STIs and he said he was "clean" (horrible word!). Shortly after we were intimate... 3 days to be exact... I had my first ob. I had no idea what was going on... I was very frightened. Called my Dr. and she thought it was a serious Yeast infection with a serious UTI as well. Brought me in for testing, everything but HSV 2, because I didn't have a clue. I tested negative for everything. The pain persisted for another week, and my Dr. decided to test me for HSV... as soon as she saw me she knew. When I went to my, at the time boyfriend, he decided it was time to tell me that his previous girlfriend of 3 1/2 years had it. He said he didn't think that he had it ... he never had an ob. Tried to turn it back on me, but I hadn't been in an intimate relationshp in over 1 year. 3 days later he had a small ob that lasted for 2 days...and not painful at all (according to him). My ob lasted for 3 weeks. That is a little fishy right? Anyway, 3 weeks later he was gone... back to the woman that gave it to him to begin with... Now I am left with this.....and not coping well.... Any suggestions ... do the shamefull feeling go away, you know with the stigma that this STI carries....do people push away because they know so little about it....I don't feel like I can just talk to anyone about this.... I really am struggling with this. I am sad all the time. I am at the point that I won't even consider getting in to a relationship because I don't want to pass this on to someone else. I am so heartbroken.....

 
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Jessielou (08-18-2012)
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Old 08-18-2012, 12:49 AM   #2
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Re: Newly Diagnosed....

Hi oh I know how you feel read my post think it says "posted on wrong board herpes"
it will be two weeks tomorrow since my sexual encounter with "Dim Tim", and 8 days since I knew it was herpes although results aren't back yet still at lab growing!! I know I have it, all the symptoms even got it in the eye, I know it is very painful down below and you feel so weak.
I have lots of friends but only told one of them and my daughter & her best friend(who is like my 2nd daughter) and will not tell anyone else either they don't need to know.
Herpes is looked upon as a dirty infected disease caught by people who sleep around, unfortunately it is down to us and all the other hundred herpes suffered to try and change this.
Don't feel ashamed it's not your fault, you didn't know, be kind to yourself remember you are still you, I have changed soooo much in 9 days, herpes is just a disease trying to survive that's all. Look up diets etc to see what to eat and not eat.
Keep me posted .....sending you a hug

 
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Old 08-18-2012, 12:51 AM   #3
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Smile Re: Newly Diagnosed....

Hi oh I know how you feel read my post think it says "posted on wrong board herpes"
it will be two weeks tomorrow since my sexual encounter with "Dim Tim", and 8 days since I knew it was herpes although results aren't back yet still at lab growing!! I know I have it, all the symptoms even got it in the eye, I know it is very painful down below and you feel so weak.
I have lots of friends but only told one of them and my daughter & her best friend(who is like my 2nd daughter) and will not tell anyone else either they don't need to know..
Herpes is looked upon as a dirty infected disease caught by people who sleep around, unfortunately it is down to us and all the other hundred herpes suffered to try and change this.
Don't feel ashamed it's not your fault, you didn't know, be kind to yourself remember you are still you, I have changed soooo much in 9 days, herpes is just a disease trying to survive that's all. Look up diets etc to see what to eat and not eat.
Keep me posted .....sending you a hug

 
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Old 08-18-2012, 08:21 AM   #4
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Re: Newly Diagnosed....

I think shame and pain and fear are things everyone needs to learn to deal with in life, STD or not. These negative emotions tell us we are bad people - and you are not a bad person. There is still hope for happy and healthy relationships in your future: should you decide that is something important to you, please do not give up on it.

Yes life is different with an STD (as I expect it will be for me, I am waiting to be diagnosed but expect to have HSV2) but you are alive and this is the greatest gift in the universe. Sit with your pain, own it ad know that it is part of you that only you can change.

I hope this helps.

 
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Old 08-18-2012, 09:44 AM   #5
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Re: Newly Diagnosed...

I am so sorry you have to deal with this now. He was very wrong for not telling you and not to sound like I am on his side but man doctors for the routine STD panel will not test for herpes unless you ask them specifically which he more then likely did not and he shouldn't have tried to turn this onto you since his ex was the one that had it.

It does get better, all of the emotions that you are feeling now are normal we have all been there but I can PROMISE you that is does and will get better, look at me 12 yrs later and I joke about it lol. When it comes to dating for some hope you can read the "Happy Couples" thread at the top of the board it is a very pleasant threat that shows people out there are accepting of those of us with the virus.

Unfortunately the stigma is always going to be there because obviously if you do not have the virus why bother looking into it and lets jump on the bandwagon of stereotypes but NOT everyone is like that. It is crazy how people see a cold sore and it means nothing but it is a form of herpes that can lead to genital herpes via oral sex, and how about chicken pox it is a strand of a herpes virus after the outbreak is over it still stays in our bodies for life and a outbreak later on in life is called shingles..the strands of virus are very interesting to say the least. Not to mention an estimated 80% of people that have genital herpes do not even know they have it (sorry just blabbing). The best thing you can do is to educate yourself on the virus so that when you are ready to get out there and start dating if someone has questions you can help answer them.

Another thing to keep in mind is that this virus does not change you! You can not let it control you because if you do then you will be depressed you have to remember that you are still the same person nothing has changed other then this pesky skin condition.

Keep your head up, better days are ahead and hey, you have us here to talk to!
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Last edited by angeleyz81; 08-18-2012 at 09:46 AM.

 
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Old 08-18-2012, 10:08 AM   #6
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Re: Newly Diagnosed...

Hope your ok!!
Really feel for you especially being in late 40"s too, my daughter of 22 is in shock I haven't even snogged anyone for twp years.
Well it's been 14 days since I was infected and I am going out with a friend to watch a band tonight don't really feel up to it but forcing myself, I feel different, I feel more protective of myself and my body and my outfit is definitely not giving off any kind of sexy image, this friend thinks I have had a kidney/urine infection so won't have to mention herpes, I know as time goes on I will not think about it all the time, it is difficult not to at the moment with the pain, I started my menopause really early in life and have not had a period since I was 38 forgot how much they hurt
Take care always here to chat

 
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Old 08-18-2012, 10:10 AM   #7
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Re: Newly Diagnosed...

Hope your ok!!
Really feel for you especially being in late 40"s too, my daughter of 22 is in shock I haven't even snogged anyone for twp years.
Well it's been 14 days since I was infected and I am going out with a friend to watch a band tonight don't really feel up to it but forcing myself, I feel different, I feel more protective of myself and my body and my outfit is definitely not giving off any kind of sexy image, this friend thinks I have had a kidney/urine infection so won't have to mention herpes, I know as time goes on I will not think about it all the time, it is difficult not to at the moment with the pain, I started my menopause really early in life and have not had a period since I was 38 forgot how much they hurt
Take care always here to chat

 
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Old 09-01-2012, 04:50 PM   #8
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Smile Re: Newly Diagnosed...

I too am newly diagnosed. Found out Friday afternoon, at work. WOW! Feels like I've been hit with a baseball bat. So now what? Life goes on. I'm a nurse, and i know that herpes isn't the end of the world, it's more of an inconvenience. And yes, nurses get herpes too, apparently! But, I had a hard time telling my husband.
A week earlier I told him that I has a doctor friend of mine look at a small sore at the top of my butt crack. And yes, I believe that is a medical term. When I told him then, that she thought it was herpes, he looked at me differently. We both had been tested years ago, after we both experienced cheating spouses. we both agreed I needed to go to the doctors first thing the following week. I went Tuesday and talked to my doc. She's great, she listens. She asked a lot of questions and also believed I had herpes. Now what? She informed me that unless you specifically order a herpes panel, a routine STD screen doesn't include it...interesting. Test results should be back in 5 days. Wait. Wait. Wait.
I guess I wasn't ready Friday at work when I got the call. Regardless. I came home and told him. So what? Life goes on. He's going to get tested Tuesday. From the way he was acting and the things he was saying the week we were waiting for the results, I thought for sure my marriage of a little over a year was over. But I've been with this man for 6 years, and he never ceases to amaze me.
He had been educating himself about herpes via the internet. He went from being terrified and confused to confident and loving in one short week. "We've been through worse." So true.

 
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Old 09-03-2012, 10:52 PM   #9
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Re: Newly Diagnosed...

Hi how are YOU!!!!!! PLEASE message me if you need to chat we are around the same age too , look forward to hearing how your doing.
Big hug
Jenny

 
Old 09-15-2012, 11:38 AM   #10
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Re: Newly Diagnosed...

Still having a difficult time with all of this. I know it has only been a few months, but I still get pretty weepy about it. My obs have been frequent and very painful. I am sure that going through menopause, the irregularity of my cycles, and stress of all that life has to offer has not been helpful in this matter. I don't want to do anything, go anywhere, or be around people. It is just easier to stay in the comfort of my safe little home. At least I know nothing else can hurt me....and I am safe from any judgement.

I have been on supressive therapy, not sure that it is helping with as many obs that I have had. I have tried alternative medicine: acupuncture and herbs...inside and out. Not sure that is helping either. Can't find any sort of support group in my area. People around here just don't talk about this, I guess. Then the people that I think I would be able to talk to about, just don't understand. They suggest that I need to find a man that has this too, so we don't give it to anyone else. A man is the last thing I need right now! I guess they are just trying to help and that is the only way that they know how. I am not angry at them, or upset with them... I just feel so alone : (

I am generally a strong person, but I feel like this was just more than I could take. I am so not myself anymore... this too shall pass. Will it?

 
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