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woodrat 08-18-2012 12:19 PM

why didnt I get herpes
 
My girlfriend of over 4 years just an outbreak, a really bad one, and was diagnosed with genital herpes. I have been tested and don't have it. She says she hasn't been with anyone other than me these 4 years. How can that be? Most of what I've read says an initial outbreak generally occurs within 2 weeks of exposure...yes it says generally, but how could I not have it even if she is telling the truth shes had it for 4 years. Help Please

angeleyz81 08-18-2012 04:00 PM

Re: why didnt I get herpes
 
Hi,
It is very possible that you do not have it. Everyone that is in a relationship with a person that has the virus is not guaranteed to get it. Also, the transmission rate from female to male is low. I was with my ex-husband for 4 years never used condoms and he never got, my ex-boyfriend never got it and my current one either. I remember speaking to someone that had the virus and she and her husband had been together for over 20yrs and he still never had gotten it from her.

Also, not everyone has text book symptoms or outbreaks. Sometimes people push an outbreak aside as a yeast infection or jock itch. Not to mention an estimated 80% of people that have genital herpes do not even know they have it.. so when they say "generally" it seems as though it applies to less than most.

So please trust your girlfriend if you had never had a reason to believe she cheated do not start now since she must have gotten this before your relationship.

Just a quick question do you know which test you had?

Hope this helped :)

If you have time there is a thread at the top of this board called "Happy Couples" there are many relationships on that thread where one person has it and the other does not.

woodrat 08-18-2012 11:34 PM

Re: why didnt I get herpes
 
[QUOTE=angeleyz81;5042023]Hi,
It is very possible that you do not have it. Everyone that is in a relationship with a person that has the virus is not guaranteed to get it. Also, the transmission rate from female to male is low. I was with my ex-husband for 4 years never used condoms and he never got, my ex-boyfriend never got it and my current one either. I remember speaking to someone that had the virus and she and her husband had been together for over 20yrs and he still never had gotten it from her.

Also, not everyone has text book symptoms or outbreaks. Sometimes people push an outbreak aside as a yeast infection or jock itch. Not to mention an estimated 80% of people that have genital herpes do not even know they have it.. so when they say "generally" it seems as though it applies to less than most.

So please trust your girlfriend if you had never had a reason to believe she cheated do not start now since she must have gotten this before your relationship.

Just a quick question do you know which test you had?

Hope this helped :)

I had the blood test for. antibodies-es/ If you have time there is a thread at the top of this board called "Happy Couples" there are many relationships on that thread where one person has it and the other does not.[/QUOTE]
yea, she got her first major outbreak after 4 years and now what I've read, is moving me to distrust her. How can I not when the comments from DRs and OBG-Yn says the same. Generally, Mostly. Usually have their first major outbreak within 2 weeks.....Is it possible? This question will probably end or extend our relationship. I want it to continue, but 4 years and I'm negative.Help Please, I love her...

angeleyz81 08-18-2012 11:43 PM

Re: why didnt I get herpes
 
Not everyone has a text book outbreak, my first one was mild compared to my 2nd. If I didn't know better I would have thought my 2nd outbreak was my initial outbreak. Also if someone has had the virus but never had an outbreak, the first one they get will feel really bad because it is not something they are used to.

Just because doctors say usually, mostly ..yadda yadda yadda this is something that they are taught in school but I am speaking from experience as are others on the board.

It really is no different then me telling you every time you get in your car you could get into an accident because there are many of them everyday, this doesn't mean that you will get into an accident within the next few days or ever. (Sorry only thing I can think of right now).

Out of curiosity has your girlfriend been under a lot of stress lately, have a cold, changed medications?

woodrat 08-18-2012 11:44 PM

Re: why didnt I get herpes
 
Edit is I love her, if she had genital herpes all this time, 4 years, how could I not have it. With the shedding and no other outbreaks, how could I possibly not contract it?

angeleyz81 08-18-2012 11:50 PM

Re: why didnt I get herpes
 
Your immune system must be strong and not only that your chances of getting it out of a year based on sex 2 times a week if she has type 2 with no condoms is 4% and with condoms is 2% and that is based on a year so your chances per time is way less then 1%. If she has type 1 then the transmission and outbreaks are far less then that of type 2

woodrat 08-18-2012 11:55 PM

Re: why didnt I get herpes
 
I love her and she finished 2 years of school online while working a 40 hour job. No time for us. On the other hand she just told me about 2 or 3 weeks before that she is just not into sex like before. I spent 2 years hoping is was no time for me. And about 2 weeks before she said she just didn't have the desire for sex, she told me she had herpes....Now, what would you think. After 2 years of the best sex I've ever had, anything and everything, to just missionary sex. And she cut off my oral sex, then her oral sex, then everything below her waist, mouth to mouth. I feel like a failure...

angeleyz81 08-19-2012 12:02 AM

Re: why didnt I get herpes
 
[QUOTE=woodrat;5042167]I love her and she finished 2 years of school online while working a 40 hour job. No time for us. On the other hand she just told me about 2 or 3 weeks before that she is just not into sex like before. I spent 2 years hoping is was no time for me. And about 2 weeks before she said she just didn't have the desire for sex, she told me she had herpes....Now, what would you think. After 2 years of the best sex I've ever had, anything and everything, to just missionary sex. And she cut off my oral sex, then her oral sex, then everything below her waist, mouth to mouth. I feel like a failure...[/QUOTE]

I can not speak on why it would just die down like that but sometimes things like that happen, it is something that you should have spoken to her about and let her know your concern.

I am not sure if what she said two weeks ago was because she wasn't feeling right down below, I mean we can guess all we want but only she knows the answer.

From what you are saying if she had no time for you I don't see how she would have time for someone else but I was just speaking on the virus and how it is possible that you did not get it.

If you truly do love her and want to make it work you need to sit down and have a heart to heart with her. Things wont get fixed by ignoring them (not saying that is what is happening but if it is).

woodrat 08-19-2012 12:09 AM

Re: why didnt I get herpes
 
Help, Please I don't know what to do. Im 57 she is 49 almost. Can she have the type 2 virus for all those years we have been together, with no outbreak. And I just got tested for antibodies, and clear. She is my love and I would appreciated honest answers. Can it happen? 4 years, no problem then a sudden, seems like , first out break? Help I don't want to lose the one I love.

angeleyz81 08-19-2012 12:18 AM

Re: why didnt I get herpes
 
[QUOTE=woodrat;5042175]Help, Please I don't know what to do. Im 57 she is 49 almost. Can she have the type 2 virus for all those years we have been together, with no outbreak. And I just got tested for antibodies, and clear. She is my love and I would appreciated honest answers. Can it happen? 4 years, no problem then a sudden, seems like , first out break? Help I don't want to lose the one I love.[/QUOTE]

I think you have to stop doubting her and the trust. It IS possible for her to have it all them years and just now have an outbreak. Like I mentioned earlier my ex-husband never got it from me and we were together 4 yrs. I am not sure if she is going through menopause yet but if she is that could have triggered the outbreak. Also, may I ask what you would describe as a "initial outbreak"? I would hate for you to make what could be the biggest mistake by leaving her when in honesty you should be her support right now. If you didn't think she stepped out before don't let this be the start.

Many people that even come to this board are in shock because they go in for STD testing and all of a sudden they test positive for the virus and had no idea they had it. The virus is not very cut and dry as many would think or expect.

woodrat 08-19-2012 12:22 AM

Re: why didnt I get herpes
 
Initial outbreak after 4 years. I'm tested, blood test for antibodies, and clear. How is this possible, better question, is this possible, no protection, all sex, oral, vaginal, anal, 4 years. Her out break 2 weeks ago. no sex for about 6 weeks. Did she have it for four years or just recently contracted it cause we haven't had sex for 6 weeks.

angeleyz81 08-19-2012 12:29 AM

Re: why didnt I get herpes
 
[QUOTE=woodrat;5042178]Initial outbreak after 4 years. I'm tested, blood test for antibodies, and clear. How is this possible, better question, is this possible, no protection, all sex, oral, vaginal, anal, 4 years. Her out break 2 weeks ago. no sex for about 6 weeks. Did she have it for four years or just recently contracted it cause we haven't had sex for 6 weeks.[/QUOTE]

Yes, it is still possible for you to NOT have it and her have it before you two started your relationship. I understand your in shock and your head is going a million miles a minute but don't let it get the best of you. Like I had mentioned about my situation the same thing with him not getting it. Also I have had this for 12 yrs and only had two outbreaks once in 2000 and one in 2009 .. so you wont always get them right away. It is possible she may have had outbreaks before but thought they were yeast infections.

Jessielou 08-19-2012 12:35 AM

Re: why didnt I get herpes
 
Hi it sounds like you don't trust your girlfriend the facilitatoor on this board is really knowledgeable she has given you evcellent personal information regarding her own experience for which I am truly grateful for " Thanks Angellina".
If your girlfriend is being honest with you she must be very upset herself regarding this whole situation and would benefit at this difficult time from your support,love and trust,
Stressful situations and relationships can bring on herpes symptoms, so please be mindful of this.......

Jessielou 08-19-2012 12:36 AM

Re: why didnt I get herpes
 
Hi it sounds like you don't trust your girlfriend the facilitatoor on this board is really knowledgeable she has given you evcellent personal information regarding her own experience for which I am truly grateful for " Thanks Angellina".
If your girlfriend is being honest with you she must be very upset herself regarding this whole situation and would benefit at this difficult time from your support,love and trust,
Stressful situations and relationships can bring on herpes symptoms, so please be mindful of this.......

candeemoredense 09-04-2012 02:33 PM

Re: why didnt I get herpes
 
I was just diagnosed with herpes 2, four days ago! My husband went to the doctors today to get tested. We've been together 6 years-no cheating and here I am. I will tell you that if he comes back negative, I obviously contracted it before we were together and never knew it. I am a nurse and I've done ALOT of reading from actual medical sites and the first outbreak sometimes mimics the flu. Achy, fever, joint pain... then it can go dormant for years. Herpes outbreaks are often mistaken for a pimple, a cut, or an irritation. It is very possible that your significant other has not cheated and had no idea she had herpes.


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