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Old 09-21-2012, 06:30 PM   #1
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Should I relocate to a big city?

Hello Everyone!

Have a question that I haven't seen addressed in any recent posts and wondered if anyone else has been through the same thing...
Suspicions were confirmed last year when I had the proper test that, yes, I do have hsv-1 and hsv-2...joined a popular dating site for folks like us that have this in common...very nice people on there, but due to my living in a small city and low- population state, haven't made many connections. Am wondering if it makes sense to "up my odds", so to speak, and move to a big city? Right now, my family lives nearby, I love this area, and my work is going o.k...but I'm very lonely and have been for awhile. Am in my mid-40's, so, you know, thinking about the "time" thing...any thoughts on this? Your input will be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

 
Old 09-26-2012, 07:11 PM   #2
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Re: Should I relocate to a big city?

May I ask if you are "limiting" yourself to only others that have the virus? If yes, there is no need to do that, you could find someone that doesn't have it that will accept you, this is your choice though. I also wonder there has to be many people out there that have the virus that are not on a website, so it is like you have to gamble a little

I wouldn't move just to find "the one", I would definitely keep my options open though and not put restrictions on myself since this is just a pesky skin condition
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Old 09-27-2012, 07:16 AM   #3
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Re: Should I relocate to a big city?

Hi Angeleyz81!

Thank you so much for your response. Yes, for now, I am limiting myself to a dating site for those who share the condition. I know it would be better to not do that, but I guess after a deep heartbreak this summer of losing someone after I told them about the virus, I decided that at least this way, I could avoid having the "talk", and thereby dodge some heartache. It was my first time to have the "talk" since finding out that I was positive...so maybe that's why it was so traumatic...losing him sent me into a depression ( I have been dealing with that for years, anyway, before this happened), and thankfully I was seeing a therapist at the time, but it was all still really painful.
Have you had any experience with this before, or any advice on how I can "steel" myself against being hurt real bad if I do get rejected again because of the virus? How do I know if I'm telling my date soon enough, or too soon, too? Living in a small city, I worry about my condition being "gossiped" about, also. I know there are way worse things in life than this condition, and maybe I haven't given the "general" dating field enough of a chance...
I also see and read sometimes how folks find someone special, and alot of times the people they find do not have the virus, but somehow it just doesn't seem real that it could happen to me...I'm older (mid-40's) and have been single for a long time.
Thank you for reading this, and any input or advice you feel led to share will be greatly appreciated! Have a wonderful day!

 
Old 09-27-2012, 06:03 PM   #4
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Re: Should I relocate to a big city?

Hey there
I can understand how hurt you would feel after being rejected but as time goes on hopefully you will not let that hinder you. The way I look at it is , herpes is my kid or my "baggage" if you will, so if someone does not accept it I am ok with that because they aren't the right one for me anyhow. If I would have just kept thinking of it as a virus, that I am dirty, all the negative things we think about initially and not the other way around I may have driven myself batty and stayed in a cave.

When it comes to telling a potential partner the best time is when you are comfortable. Some people tell the person right off the bat, but I would wait until you had a feeling that there is potential there for a relationship. A thing to keep in mind is when telling someone you can't make it sound like the worst thing in the world, how you convey it is how it is conceived.

There is also a thread at the top of the board entitled "Happy Couples" it is a good read if you have time on people that are in relationships with others that do not have herpes.
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