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Old 09-24-2012, 03:07 PM   #1
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Son's girlfriend told him she has herpes.

My 17 year old son's girlfriend just told him that when she was a few years younger, she contracted herpes. They have not engaged in anything other than kissing and fondling through their clothes up to this point. My son really cares for this girl but is very unsure of what to do now. He really wants to keep dating her but he is scared and extremely worried about contracting it from her. Does anyone have any advice on how I can help him figure out what to do? I have told him that he needs to find as much info as he can on herpes so he can make an informed decision. He is very upset and very confused. He cares very deeply for her but doesn't know if he can handle the risks involved if things go further sexually. Help please, my heart is breaking for both of them.

 
Old 09-24-2012, 05:32 PM   #2
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Re: Son's girlfriend told him she has herpes.

i think u should tell him to break it off... he could even pass it on to you if he gets the cold sores on mouth and drinks from cup and its not washed properly. its not a nice disease i think ur son needs to be careful, if he loves her he needs to be super careful not to catch it as it spreads easily.

 
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Old 09-26-2012, 06:44 PM   #3
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Re: Son's girlfriend told him she has herpes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nervousmom1948 View Post
My 17 year old son's girlfriend just told him that when she was a few years younger, she contracted herpes. They have not engaged in anything other than kissing and fondling through their clothes up to this point. My son really cares for this girl but is very unsure of what to do now. He really wants to keep dating her but he is scared and extremely worried about contracting it from her. Does anyone have any advice on how I can help him figure out what to do? I have told him that he needs to find as much info as he can on herpes so he can make an informed decision. He is very upset and very confused. He cares very deeply for her but doesn't know if he can handle the risks involved if things go further sexually. Help please, my heart is breaking for both of them.
Hello,
I am going to assume that she has it genitally since they are kissing. The risk of transmission is not high but it is still a risk that is there. The use of condoms as well as daily suppressive therapy can help cut down the risk of transmission.

I would never tell someone to walk away from a relationship if they think it could be something very serious. She obviously cares about him as well since she did let him know. You can let him know there is always going to be a risk there its not a guarantee he will get it ( my ex husband and I were together 4 yrs no condoms and he never got it from me). On the flip side, an estimated 80% of people that have genital herpes do not know they have it so if he leaves her who is to say the next person doesn't have it. I am just trying to show you both sides.

The bottom line though would be to ask him, Is he comfortable being with her on all levels knowing there is a risk of getting it? If he says no, then he should break it off. I say this because if one person is not comfortable with it the other person winds up being more hurt in the long run. With this virus there has to be a mutual agreement and understanding.

I wish him the best of luck!
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Old 09-26-2012, 10:31 PM   #4
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Re: Son's girlfriend told him she has herpes.

If he's careful, he can most likely avoid getting it, himself. Unfortunately, herpes is common, so he could contract it from another girl who isn't so honest.

 
Old 09-27-2012, 05:30 AM   #5
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Re: Son's girlfriend told him she has herpes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by angeleyz81 View Post
Hello,
I am going to assume that she has it genitally since they are kissing. The risk of transmission is not high but it is still a risk that is there. The use of condoms as well as daily suppressive therapy can help cut down the risk of transmission.

I would never tell someone to walk away from a relationship if they think it could be something very serious. She obviously cares about him as well since she did let him know. You can let him know there is always going to be a risk there its not a guarantee he will get it ( my ex husband and I were together 4 yrs no condoms and he never got it from me). On the flip side, an estimated 80% of people that have genital herpes do not know they have it so if he leaves her who is to say the next person doesn't have it. I am just trying to show you both sides.

The bottom line though would be to ask him, Is he comfortable being with her on all levels knowing there is a risk of getting it? If he says no, then he should break it off. I say this because if one person is not comfortable with it the other person winds up being more hurt in the long run. With this virus there has to be a mutual agreement and understanding.

I wish him the best of luck!
I have pretty much told him the same thing. He has decided to take things one day at a time so he can figure everything out in his head. They both have also decided to take things very slow sexually until they are both mature enough to handle this. In my eyes, this girl is a gem for being upfront and honest. The guy that gave it to her wasn't.
I've also explained that some people don't know they have herpes and pass it on to others unaware. The risk is there at all times no matter who he is with.
Thanks again. You've helped a great deal.

 
Old 10-17-2012, 08:24 AM   #6
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Re: Son's girlfriend told him she has herpes.

She can take medication daily to suppress the virus and they can use condoms and if she has an outbreak, they abstain from sex. I gave it to my partner, but we weren't using anything and I hadn't been diagnosed and actually had no clue I even had it. Herpes is not the big deal people make it out to be.

 
Old 11-16-2012, 05:50 AM   #7
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Re: Son's girlfriend told him she has herpes.

U have to look at it this way age was honest where many ppl are not or many ppl don't even know they have it... Secondly herpes especially cold sores are prevalent everywhere, ppl don't realize how much so because ppl are afraid to talk about it because if its stupid stigma!!! Herpes can happen to anyone it could happen to you!! Simple kiss from a family member, a friend a co worker can pass it along without knowing.. Oral sex can pass it along.. It is transferable even with a condom although they help somewhat

Antivirals help with reducing outbreaks and lesson some transmission and viral shedding... I know plenty of ppl who are in relationships who avoid sex before an outbreak prodrome a they get which tells them an outbreak is coming avoid during and 1 full week after the sores scabs redness itching has completely disappeared.. These ppl have had it 20 us years and never passed it to their partner even have unprotected sex and have children.. The risk will always be there hell the risk is there if ur with someone that doesn't even know they have it.. At least she was up front and honest and I commend her for that.. Most ppl have really no clue about the truth about herpes or the feed into the ignorance of society where ppl make fun and ridicule ppl with it.. It's not a joking matter never thought I would have it and I have had it 7 yrs now!!! Hence never passing it along.. Thank u GOD is it possible yes it is but at least I give my partner a choice which this girl has with ur son that says a lot about her character as well as trust !! Herpes does not change anything about her her looks her personality her greatness her integrity Her future plans in life ... All herpes is is a annoying skin condition that happens every so often, yes some ppl suffer but for the most part it's a skin issue it comes it goes PERIOD!! There are so much more things in life that ppl contend with that is far more an issue than herpes.. Trust me coming from a nurse I see things daily that I would keep just having herpes for..

good luck any questions feel free to ask... Real love and happiness shouldn't pertain to a skin condition !!

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Old 11-24-2012, 09:31 PM   #8
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Re: Son's girlfriend told him she has herpes.

What a kind and thoughtful mother you are. I was very touched reading your post.

 
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Old 11-27-2012, 02:27 PM   #9
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Re: Son's girlfriend told him she has herpes.

honestly, im young girl who contracted it from someone who didnt even know they had it if i knew it might of stopped me from going out with him. sadly our relationship ended a few days ago but life goes on . im about to start a new relationship with my first love again who i had lost my virginity too he knows about me having herpes and he wants to take it further and already told me he wants me for a long time as they doo.. he's very sweet . least this girl is being honest to him, but at the end of the day its only a skin condition. most people are hsv 1 which is coldsaws so if he gets them genetically he already has the herpes simplex virus. Your son needs to think is she the one.. etc. to let her possibly infect him. honestly im in that postion as this girl tell her to be taken acyclovir every day and using condoms this cuts the tranmissions of herpes by 50%

 
Old 11-28-2012, 11:39 AM   #10
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Re: Son's girlfriend told him she has herpes.

Chances of your son already having it are high. 70% of americans have this disease, me being one of them. There are risks as they get more intimate with one another he can contract them from her during the prodomal stage and while she is having an outbreak, but if they are careful and she has the meds to control her outbreaks they should be fine. I am happiliy married and my spouse still does not have herpes.

 
Old 11-29-2012, 10:12 PM   #11
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Re: Son's girlfriend told him she has herpes.

hello do not listen to that person who posted that first comment Ma'am as a person whom has it (which i do not like to talk about it but i know how hard it is to find someone) i would like to tell u it is not as bad as that FIRST comment made it out to be i have had it since i was 16 (i am now 26) i was with the guy that gave it to me for FIVE almost SIX years... He caught it by going out cheating on me and caught it from this girl then when she dumped him he couldn't get none from anybody so he faked called me to come over to talk about all the mess and he raped me when i got there and that is how i got it..... See alot of ways girls get it is bad some people can get it from touching a door knob and touching themselves... You can even get it from sitting on a toilet in a public restroom... nobody should judge anybody just cause they have a STD.... think is i give her props for telling him that means she cares for him enough to let him know... because the way i am i would not tell anybody or even have Sexual contact with them till i got to know them enough to tell them what i had.. But when i would they would run... Then i met my husband... i have had ONE child and working on another one now.. What i am trying to get is they can live life normally (like i do) they just have to becareful.... when they have sexual encounters he needs to ask her do u have sores, Do you feel itching, do u feel burning.... if she is itching that means shes having an out break and if she lies trust me all he has to do is look and he can see it its not hard to see the sores and trust me all he would have to do is watch how she walks watch the clothes she wears if she is having an out break she will probably walk bo legged or she will probably be wearing lose pants... REMINDER if she is having an out break and he comes in contact with those sores AND still wearing a condom he will still get it... same thing with the itching and burning he will still get it.... But if she stays stress free like i do i have not had a break out in almost 8 years..... Stress is what causes the break out.... if she gets pregnant shes considered high risk she needs to find a high risk OBGYN cause if she is having an outbreak while shes in labor she will need to have a C Section... If not she can have it normally.... tell your son and her good luck in their adventure and i hope my advise helped....

 
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