Re: Hsv 1 genitally
I understand your predicament completely. First of all, a lot of people have herpes although many don't know it's what they have. Most of those people will never tell anyone they have it and just hope they don't spread it. Sad state of affairs, but it might not be all their fault. My own doctor told me I didn't need to tell anyone and to just abstain when having an episode. I was diagnosed in 1977; caught from a guy I had dated exclusively for several months. I was so shocked and hurt that he didn't tell me, but I was determined that he couldn't have known! Well, I explained it to him, he denied it, said it came from me (it had not) and dumped me right then and there. Later I learned that he told mutual acquaintances that I had herpes and was trying to blame him. Hard lesson learned. Much later, I discovered that he was a serial infector and had given herpes to several women I knew.
It's been a little longer than optimal for you to come clean and tell your lady friend the truth but I applaud you with all my heart for doing the right thing. After a date, take her to a quiet spot, maybe your home, but not hers. Sit her down and tell her your honest feelings for her and your hopes for the relationship. Tell her you have to confide a personal issue to her. Tell her your former girlfriend gave you herpes. Let her know how you got it so she can hopefully see that you were exclusive with the girl, but the girl may not have been.
Give her a few minutes to ask any questions she needs to ask, and to comment however she needs to comment. Don't ask her to tell you what she thinks about your relationship. She needs time to process this information. Give her some time, a day or two. Then call her and ask to see her as you normally would.
You should have your answer then, one way or the other, without causing a big scene about it or making her feel pressured. If she opts out, don't be mad at her.
If she does opt out, perhaps you could consider a personal ad - very confidential - disclosing that you have herpes and would like to find that special one who can live with the situation. I did that and have been very happy in an exclusive relationship now for nearly 15 years.
It may take you some time to get it down right, but plan to always be honest about it. And don't feel bad about yourself at all. Again, many many people have it, so chances are you know several others with it who just don't talk about it.
It isn't the end of the world, I promise.
death is for the living. it tells us that life is short; there is no time for meanness or cruelty.
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Last edited by Lollypat; 10-06-2012 at 01:29 PM.