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Old 12-11-2012, 06:13 PM   #1
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HopefulT HB User
Dating and Rejection

This is the first time I've posted to this board. I contracted herpes 11 years ago from someone who knew they had it and didn't tell me. I have been celibate since then because of that and because I was dating really "quality" people. I know that is a really long time, but I don't need to be judged for it. Anyway, I finally started dating, again. I met someone I really liked and I thought they were so sweet and kind. I felt a real connection and compatibility with them. I trusted them and thought they were really into me, so I had the talk with him. He was the first person I have dated that I ever told. He said he would do some research, think about it and let me know what he decided. He texted me two days later and told me it might be fun short term, but couldn't see himself risking it long term, and broke up with me. I just want to know...how many rejections I'm going to have to go through before someone doesn't run from me like I'm a leper? I wish there were statistics on the percentage of rejections people dating with herpes receive from people without herpes. If 1 in 5 people have herpes, I guess that means that 4 out of 5 people will probably reject the person with herpes, so that's an 80% chance of rejection. I don't know how I can face dating again with those odds.

 
Old 12-12-2012, 02:39 AM   #2
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jeffrie904 HB User
Re: Dating and Rejection

Do not despair, continue to be hopeful, Hopeful!

Now for some hard data: not only is the additional benefit from Valtrex pretty small, the percentage of regular partners of herpes sufferers who remain uninfected WITHOUT suppressive drugs is much smaller than we are led to believe....it seems most do not get it from a responsible, regular partner who knew s/he was infected and took reasonable precautions to minimize the chance of transmission.

Main point is: yes, a partner will always have a chance of getting it, but it is possible they will not even WITHOUT barrier protection and just avoiding sex for days when an outbreak is virulent.

Last edited by jeffrie904; 01-10-2013 at 08:19 PM.

 
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Old 12-12-2012, 02:49 AM   #3
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jeffrie904 HB User
Re: Dating and Rejection

One quick note--don't want to give the wrong impression about Valtrex, it is a wonder drug for beating back the virus; new research suggests taking it for several days (in slightly larger than one or two pills daily doses, but you need to check with a doctor on this) each time any hint of an outbreak is stirring may actually over time beat the virus into submission. They aren't saying 'cure' yet, but some studies have shown outbreaks and flares can be completely controlled and the virus eventually eliminated. This would be of course the best news yet, hopefully research will continue. Best wishes for good health!

Last edited by jeffrie904; 01-10-2013 at 08:21 PM.

 
Old 12-16-2012, 01:45 PM   #4
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HopefulT HB User
Re: Dating and Rejection

Thanks for replying to my post I'm glad I found this message board, so I have some support from other people going through the same thing. Its not something you can just be open about with other people/friends since they attach a stigma to it, and think it's a punchline to a joke. I can't tell you how many times I've been with friends where they make offhand herpes jokes that they think are funny, and I have to control my eye rolling, because they don't know I have it. They can't know how insensitive they're being.

Anyway. It's good to see that there's hope out there for dating. It makes me feel less hopeless. The idea of taking valtrex everyday was talked about with that guy I was dating that broke up with me. I told him I talked to my doctor about it before I started dating anyone. My doctor said that since I wasn't suffering from outbreaks on a regular basis, and was only getting and average of 2-3 outbreaks a year, that it would be harsh on my body to take a daily antiviral. She prescribed me one that I could take as needed--only if I felt an outbreak coming on. I would take these for ~5 days. I don't know how I feel putting my body through daily antiviral medication for someone if I'm in a relationship, and if it doesn't really decrease the rate of transmission that much if you're already abstaining from sexual contact during outbreaks. I've heard that taking daily medication (not sure about antivirals specifically, but medicine in general) messes with your liver, but I'm not an expert and I don't know the exact effects/harm daily antivirals have on your body.

My outbreaks are like one or two blisters every six months. Every year and a half I'll get an outbreak on my upper lip/chin which is only triggered if I'm really stressed. My outbreaks have gotten a lot less severe in number of recurrences and number of blisters per outbreak over the years. The first few years were the worst/most painful.

The guy I was dating texted me to meet him talk after he considered the situation for two days. He broke up with me in person, so he wasn't a rat. That's what makes it harder, because I don't hate him! haha.. It's been a little over two months since the break-up and It's hurting less. I kept hoping he would realize how much he missed me, and that I was worth the risk and that he would come back to me, but he hasn't. He's been able to stay away from me for two months so my absence must not really affect him. I guess he's doing fine on his own, so he must've never really cared that much about me or had any depth of feelings for me to begin with. That is what is making it easier for me to move on.

Last edited by Administrator; 01-10-2013 at 09:14 PM.

 
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