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Old 03-19-2013, 11:45 AM   #1
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DawnIsBreaking HB User
I need help dealing with this emotionally

I'm newly diagnosed with HSV2 and am as devastated emotionally as I am with the physical permanence of this condition. I feel so betrayed by my boyfriend of 8 years who never disclosed he had it nor did he take precautions at all to keep me from getting it.
Only once I was diagnosed and I confronted him, did he admit he has had herpes for 30 years since college. He claims he thought he couldn't infect anyone as long as he abstained during outbreaks. He is sticking to this innocent act and I am finding it hard to believe he didn't know you can give it to someone at anytime not just during an OB.
He also claims he never gave it to anyone in the 30 yrs. since he got it and that he is just as shocked as I am that I got it. He's apologized many times and maintains this innocent demeanor and I am wondering if I can trust him ever again.
Can anyone tell me how to deal with the pain of this emotional betrayal?

 
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Old 03-20-2013, 11:03 PM   #2
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Lady La La HB User
Re: I need help dealing with this emotionally

That is tough, and you have every reason to feel how you feel. Your bf should have told you and I don't buy that he wasn't well informed as there are Valtrex commericals on TV about how you can pass it when there is no signs or symptoms (although this IS very unlike to occur, but does). What I do think is that he made a mistake.... maybe fear or you rejecting him?
Now, you must deal with the aftermath of this situation. What I can tell you is that although it may not feel like it, it will be ok. 1/4 women have it and 1/5 men have it. When you don't have an outbreak there is about a 4% chance of passing it on. If you are taking suppressive medication there is about a 1% chance of passing it on. On average people get about 4 outbreaks a year, but there are also those people who have no signs or symptoms or mildly get them. I would say become well informed. Understand it. And most of all make sure you have a good support system. With time, it will just be a small part of your life.
I guess as far as your BF goes, I think you should think of the relationship as a whole. How has he been to you? Does he treat you well? Were you happy? If the answers are more positive then negative then I would say take that into consideration. I hope this helped and good luck.

 
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Old 06-17-2013, 06:05 AM   #3
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lillyxoxox HB User
Re: I need help dealing with this emotionally

Hi,
I too was diagnosed with Genital Herpes over a year and a half ago and I can understand the pain both emotionally and physically that you are going through right now, the element of betrayal does in fact make it even worse, however we have all been betrayed though one way or another anyway.

What you feel and are feeling right now is exactly what your boyfriend was feeling when you and him first met. I find it hard to understand that you were unable to notice any sight of illness on his behalf in the eight years you have been together however that is irrelevant. He should have told you, and made you aware of this a long time ago, however he probably felt he couldn't down to the fact he didn't want to be rejected by you, which should make you feel better.

DON'T focus on the bad within this situation. You and your boyfriend have been together for eight years, that alone displays how much you two are in love, but after the recent incident you can only either depart or make up and sort this out. From one point you can sit there and say your life is bad, you don't know what to do ect, or you can man up and look at the good side of a bad situation. Yes, I know it's painful, the most painful thing I have ever gone through in my life, but pain is inevitable, suffering is an OPTION. Pain will always be there, but you choose whether or not you suffer, no body else. Now that you have gone through what your boyfriend has, you are able to understand how much it had impacted him, this could open up a new level for the two of you and you are now on the same ground both with the ability to understand each other. You are now able to understand what he had gone through previously, in the same way that he knows full well what you feel right now and is therefore the best person to support you and talk to you about your emotions. Another positive is there is no barrier. Prior to becoming infected he knew that there was a chance, regardless of what he has said of transmission. Nobody becomes infected and doesn't spend hours, days, weeks reading up on their illness, but atleast now there are no barriers, you can be as intimate as you like without the worry of transmission between the two of you. Another point to be made is you love eachother and love conquers all. When you are diagnosed with GH and you are single things feel alot worse because you feel so alone, and like no one will ever accept you, but to know that you are lucky to be with someone who will love you and will let you love them is special. You are very valuable to your boyfriend, remember that. And also remember to look at the positives rather than the negatives. I used to think no one would ever accept me for me but they have. I have had a number of boyfriends who didn't care because they loved me and were willing to risk their health in order to be with me, which made me feel so special and at ease. YOU are NOT herpes. Herpes is NOT you, it is a skin condition, it's not who you are and it doesn't define you. It is the "cold sore" infection, that is all. It wont kill you, it wont make you seriously ill, and it wont make you infertile or ruin your life. You have the option, don't let this situation affect your future, because you are letting it affect you, no one else is, and you will regret it. Just live your life as you were prior to infection, take your meds and vitamins and remember there is nothing bad about what you have. You are a unique individual who gets a cold sore now and again, so what? Just like people have fungus in their nails, and fillings in their teeth, or periods? There is nothing bad or disgusting about this situation, you may have a cold sore just like someone had a cough, you can spread a cough just like you can spread a cold sore? Take this opportunity to make your relationship stronger... don't let it break you down.

Last edited by lillyxoxox; 06-17-2013 at 06:10 AM.

 
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Old 06-18-2013, 10:09 AM   #4
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Zitaram HB User
Re: I need help dealing with this emotionally

Well, maybe he really believed that if his herpes was not active, that he couldn't transmit i, giving him the benefit of the doubt.

 
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Old 06-18-2013, 08:05 PM   #5
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Eve88 HB User
Re: I need help dealing with this emotionally

If he cannot admit that he should have told you initially, and realise what he has done is wrong, then he doesn't deserve you!! It's the principle of it- he endangered your health and felt there was nothing wrong with that!

I think he probably just didn't want to deal with it, maybe he was in denial about it...(I know the stigma can be hard - I have had hsv2 for years) but he should at least now realise how his selfish and irresponsible actions have impacted you, and show his remorse for his dishonesty!

The fact he didn't mention it at all, means he must of known on some level that it is/can be contagious, and the fact he wasn't honest in general is really wrong.

So I think he needs to wake up and at least apologise and help you through this! Otherwise move on, you deserve better- all couples are built on honesty, trust and a genuine care for one another, this act displays a disregard for all of these values.


Quote:
Originally Posted by DawnIsBreaking View Post
I'm newly diagnosed with HSV2 and am as devastated emotionally as I am with the physical permanence of this condition. I feel so betrayed by my boyfriend of 8 years who never disclosed he had it nor did he take precautions at all to keep me from getting it.
Only once I was diagnosed and I confronted him, did he admit he has had herpes for 30 years since college. He claims he thought he couldn't infect anyone as long as he abstained during outbreaks. He is sticking to this innocent act and I am finding it hard to believe he didn't know you can give it to someone at anytime not just during an OB.
He also claims he never gave it to anyone in the 30 yrs. since he got it and that he is just as shocked as I am that I got it. He's apologized many times and maintains this innocent demeanor and I am wondering if I can trust him ever again.
Can anyone tell me how to deal with the pain of this emotional betrayal?

 
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Old 06-19-2013, 02:11 PM   #6
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vara742 HB User
Re: I need help dealing with this emotionally

Lillyxoxo, your post is truly inspirational! It helped me sooo much! I literally received my call from the doc yesterday 6/18/13 with results of my panel. Everything was negative except HSV2. I was, and still am in shock. The picture you painted, that this is only a skin condition and life goes on - it's not going to make in infertile, nor take my life, was truly helpful! Thank you!

Last edited by Administrator; 06-20-2013 at 09:13 AM.

 
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Old 08-09-2013, 06:58 PM   #7
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Naturegal HB User
Re: I need help dealing with this emotionally

I'm so very sorry to hear that you got GH from your BF...It's not an easy virus to deal with... I got it from my husband over 10 yrs ago. I knew he had it because he told me before we were married, but about 10 yrs after we were married I got it. I won't say it's been easy, but we are still together 22+ yrs now, and I love him dearly. I wish we both didn't have this, but we do... and we deal with it together. Now for my suggestion. I had read about zinc gluconate and the studies someone had done on it...so I bought the powder mixed it with water as suggested, and sprayed it on 3-4 times a day. It worked ok, but not totally. The study wasn't sure how zinc oxide would work, but I found one that was 40% zinc oxide B's Butt Paste, (not sure I'm allowed to give the full name) it's for diaper rash, and I thought what the heck...you know... I really think it is working, I put it on the area that I have OB's and I haven't had an OB since. It's only been a couple of months, but I was getting symtoms almost daily and ob's once a month...Now, If I feel a symtom, itchy, tingling etc. I just make sure I keep putting it on and it has gone away almost instantly. I'm now putting it on daily as maintenance, and I have to say for the first time in 4-5 yrs I'm not getting the constant symtoms and no ob in two months...it may not seem like a long time, but for me it's been a miracle...OK peeps what do you have to loose but about 6 bucks for a 2oz tube. Please try it, I would love to hear that others are finding success with the maximum strength 40% zinc oxide.
God Bless!!

 
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Old 08-09-2013, 07:44 PM   #8
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Naturegal HB User
Re: I need help dealing with this emotionally

As far as your boyfriend of eight yrs, I agree with Lillyxoxo I really think he should have told you and I'll add... tried to protect you anyway he could from this virus, but He obviously was afraid to tell you... I can understand you having a hard time trusting him, but use the oportunity to tell him you want no more secrets, and you need him to be honest, and forthright going forward.. This virus effects everyone different, for some it's just a little inconvenience for others it's an everyday struggle.
I wish you the very best, and a blessed life.

 
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Old 08-11-2013, 04:57 PM   #9
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Location: London area
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Jessielou HB UserJessielou HB User
Re: I need help dealing with this emotionally

Lily .... thank you for your inspiring MSG...I am single and have only slept with one man once in four years (last year)...I want to date again I have several admirers but keep them at arms legnth as I have no idea what, when to say about my herpes...any tips please !!! Lily ?

 
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Old 08-11-2013, 05:02 PM   #10
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Jessielou HB UserJessielou HB User
Re: I need help dealing with this emotionally

Hey thanks for your MSG... Do you mind me asking what area you get outbreaks? And please can you tell me name of cream...really want to try it...

 
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Old 08-13-2013, 08:25 PM   #11
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Naturegal HB User
Re: I need help dealing with this emotionally

The name of the paste is Boudreaux's Butt Paste, Maximum Strength 40% zinc, it's for diaper rash, but I like that it's 40% zinc. I've read that there have been studies on Zinc and GH and how it kills the virus. Anyway, I thought what the heck, I'll give it a go...I kind of put it all over on the outside, including my butt area. I use to get a small blister at the top area about an inch above where you pee. I think I got it from my husband by just snuggling in the middle of the night because where it first came out seemed like it was not from intercourse..If someone has a breakout and there skin at the blister sight touches you, well that's all you need....this is where it came out for about 8-10 yrs...Then I must have spread this thing to my butt because a year or so ago I started getting a small blister here and there around my anus, ugh...the problem is everything touches down there, so one month it would be on one side and then the next month it would switch to the other side..very frustrating. But since I've been applying the butt paste, I haven't had a breakout. I may feel something coming on, but if I apply it a few times that day, instead of twice, morning and night, the feeling has been going away almost instintly. Please give it a try it can't hurt, heck they put it on babies butts, so it can't be too harmful...Hope this helps.
Good Luck and let me know how you make out.
Blessings!

 
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