long thread, lots of questions
Iím sort of not sure where to start here. I am waaaaay out of my element and comfort zone but I want to get information, support, whatever. I want to thank anybody in advance for any info and help you offer. iím 32 and spent nearly all of my adult life in war, doing high risk security details, and voluntarily spending long periods of time overseas. iíve generally had difficulty expressing emotion and feelings but admittedly havenít cared about anybody enough to work on it. I also overthink EVERYTHING, itís my nature, it kept me alive when I was in some very bad situations. I can be placed in the highest stress situation and react without a hitch, however Iím so nervous writing this my hands are shaking.
I began dating a girl around a month ago. I know it hasnít been long but she is perfect Ė beautiful, smart, funny. after a date last week I thought to myself that I think I am falling in love with her. a few nights ago while we were hanging out she said she needed to talk to me about something and without any hesitation told me she had herpes and things were obviously progressing towards sex and I should know. i was completely floored, my heart stopped and I didnít know what to say. she told me she understood if I wanted to end things and told me how it happened, she looked nervous but relieved and sheíd obviously prepared for it. I listened and thought about it. I felt sorry for her, but I was also honestly was a little angry and I donít really know why. I think it was selfishness that I found somebody I may want to spend the rest of my life with and we will have to deal with this, Iím not sure. I didnít know a lot about it and asked a few questions. I told her how much I liked her and that I needed some time as far as sex went but that if she felt the same way about me as I did about her I would stay, and I did. my first thought when I had time to collect myself was how can I deal with this? we spent the next several days together and we did sexual things but did not have sex. on the last night I decided I was ready Ė I learned a bit about it, and with my feelings for her it wasnít questionable. however when we got to it I couldnít do it. I wanted to, really, but it wasnít happening. I apologized and we talked about it some more which I think helped, I think she knew I wasnít really ready.
one of my questions are has anybody had this type of issue that can lend advice? I do not want to contract the virus and I think in the back of my mind I may be scared or nervous. how can I get past this? will it happen on its own or are there things i/we could do? I feel there is a certain lack of intimacy with condoms and that is a concern to me as well as oral sex. I found this site and read through a large portion of Ďhappy coupleí and will continue to read. I also saw people saying they read books with their partner that helped things. any recommendations on books/literature? i have a lot of questions and sheís been great with it, as awkward as it is she has made me more comfortable talking about it. I have no issues supporting her, when she has symtoms Iíll be there for her, I am comfortable in that aspect. but right now the sex issue is something that I need to figure out. thanks for reading this and thanks again for any help you can offer.