In 2006 I got genital warts from someone who knew they had it, but made a decision not to tell me. This person was someone I had been dating for 8 months. We are no longer together, though we dated for three years. To this day, he sleeps with women who have no idea what they are being exposed to. My one wish, though, was that he would have gave ME the choice, rather than not tell me and taking that choice away.
After I found out I had it, I was really upset. But when we broke up, I thought, "Who is going to accept this, and be okay with it?" I thought for sure that I was going to be single for the rest of my life, and I became so upset and angry that I started telling those women myself, even though some of them had already slept with him.
Although you may want to be in denial, or afraid of what someone is going to say to you about the herpes, your actions can have great consequences. I have told every single person who had the possibility that we would sleep together since I got this STD, what I had, answered their questions, and dealt with a variety of reactions.
One reaction was they didn't care, as long as a condom was used. Another didn't want anything to do with me, and the man I am with now understands, asks questions, researched it himself, and completely accepts me the way I am. I haven't had any flare ups since I had to have them burned off (THANKFULLY), and the man I have been dating now for three years hasn't had any occurrences.
Because you didn't tell him, you may have changed his life permanently. Hopefully he doesn't contract the herpes virus. As far as you go, you are not the only person who has herpes, and there is probably a lot of information available to you now. There are probably hundreds of thousands of people with STD's, please allow people you come into contact with to be able to make that decision for themselves.
Thanks for your reply, That one girl. It hurts but is necessary. I do appreciate your honesty and candour.
I am really pleased that you have found someone who loves and accepts you for who you are. I am surprised that you stayed with the first one for so long after he had told you - may I ask how you think you were able to move on with him after learning of his deception?
It is truly sickening that he has since continued to spread himself about with no regard for anyone else. I will never, ever keep this from anyone again.
Edited - as above. Thank you, That One Girl!
Last edited by Scarlett27; 05-29-2013 at 01:51 PM.
I have just recently been diagnosed with H as well, and i was scared at first. and kind of still am. My girlfriend and i knew each other for 3 years before we started dating. and granted its been 2 months (we actually just made it offficial a couple days ago)But after i found out I told her right away. ive been educating myself and her. She has been supportive and caring through the whole thing and to date, nothing had changed between us apart from intamacy while im having an outbreak. im taking Valtrex (2 a day as per my doc) and its helping. what makes it more difficult is im also in the military, so i have to learn to work with this through a stressful environment. having someone like her makes a difference, and for me, knowing she would stay with me even though i have H nearly brought me to tears. and after reading everything on these MBs reading about all the happy couples who have been living with it without passing it on to their partners. it gives me hope and shows me that me and my lady arent uncommon. its just about who you fine to care about you. its hard at first but it gets easier. the few people ive told dont treat me any differently than how they did before, and i was afraid that i was going to be ostracized for it. Just stay positive! You arent alone!
You said: I am really pleased that you have found someone who loves and accepts you for who you are. I am surprised that you stayed with the first one for so long after he had told you - may I ask how you think you were able to move on with him after learning of his deception?
The answer to this is that we had already been dating for about 8 months when I found out I had contracted it from him. At that point, we were serious, and (thought) we loved each other, and he kept telling me he didn't know he had it. I ended up finding cream for an ex of his at his house, and looked it up online. Turns out, it was for genital warts. He had to have known she had this!! He never actually told me he had it, I found out myself when I had "bumps" on my genitals. I found his ex's cream, later.
I figured in my mind, I got it from him, I will have it for the rest of my life, I may as well stay with him and make things work.
Things will work out for you. Like both BlackDawn and I have told you, you're not alone. Just be honest, take things slow, and things will be alright.
The best thing you could do for yourself and your lady is to educate yourself about "H", and you're already doing that. I remember crying myself to sleep, thinking no one was going to want me, and that I'm "broken". Your lady is a special one. I hope everything works out for both of you!!
I'm glad to hear you're doing better than you were. I think that is a great idea to go to your doctor to get an official diagnosis. Beforehand, you should write down any questions you have for the doctor so you won't forget them. Keep your head up! I'm a strong believer in everything happens for a reason. Maybe this "H" is going to weed out the bad guys you meet, or make you a stronger person.
Girl, that is straight up <bull>. Maybe you could have told him in a better way, but honestly. He was just trying to place all the blame on you for his bad behavior. You are lucky this guy is gone, he sounds like an awful jerk, I don't care how many good qualities he had. There are lots of people out there who seem really nice and great up front, but are secretly terrible.
And I just want to say - there are great guys out there who will not care that much that you have herpes. And there are lots of great guys out there who even HAVE herpes, in fact, a huge percentage of them, especially in a slightly older age bracket.
I will tell you the story of how I got herpes. I had been dating a guy for a month or so. At some point we'd had a slightly drunken conversation about STDs. I told him how a few years ago I'd had a positive pap smear, which probably means that at some point I'd had HPV. Since then I'd had all negative pap smears, and so probably didn't have HPV anymore. He told me about how he had oral herpes, but never really got cold sores. We probably should have talked about this stuff more sober, but we did not. The fact that he had oral herpes didn't bother me - I really liked him a lot, and was halfway educated about what herpes really was, so I knew that it wasn't really a big deal. We knew not to kiss or have oral sex while he was having a cold sore, and so we didn't. But that doesn't protect against everything.
Because a few weeks later I started getting VERY uncomfortable down there. Went to the doctor, a few days later got the result that I had tested positive for HSV1, genitally. And you know what? It sucked, but whatever. Stuff happens. I told my guy about what had happened, he felt awful, but I cared about him and wanted to be with him, and figured I'd get through it. And now we are still together and in love almost a year later.
You can find someone who will be kind and understanding to you about this. They are out there. You deserve love.
Last edited by Administrator; 05-10-2013 at 06:17 PM.
It has (already) been 32 days and things still feel up in the air. I am beating myself up less and went away for awhile to give myself a mental and physical break.
I have seen my doctor, and seemed to educate her more than she could me. I asked about the test, which was news to her, and she thinks it is unavailable in the UK. She is looking into that and a few other points I raised, and will be getting in touch when she has answers. I am the first patient she has had who asked for - and received - a prescription for suppressive Aciclovir; she didn't know that was even an option.
I am working hard to stay positive all around.
Apologies for deleting my original posts above, but I felt increasingly uncomfortable sharing so much of myself with the world at large.
Last edited by Scarlett27; 05-29-2013 at 02:03 PM.