My husband was recently diagnosed with high cholesterol and some mild heart problems. His doctor ran a full battery of tests, prescribed medication, and gave specific recommendations for changes in diet and exercise.
Everything but the diet and exercise component is going well. DH takes his medication regularly, but exercises sporadically. I can't put him on the treadmill and press "start," but I've really tried to shop and cook in the recommended way. DH still prefers the "regular" food that the kids eat (we have 7 young children), and the kids complain when I try to cut out their favorites so DH won't have temptation around. Never mind the fast-food stops when he's on the road or the junk at office luncheons. I've offered to pack him healthy lunches, which he's declined (too much trouble, hassle lugging it around, can just come home for lunch - maybe, etc.) Same with breakfast (not enough time, not hungry in the morning, don't need it).
I'd greatly appreciate advice on what you or family members have found to be helpful and supportive in encouraging compliance with dietary restrictions. I seriously don't want to be put in the position of being the "food police" and don't want to turn into a nag, but I also don't want to be a young widow or too-soon caretaker of someone who didn't care to make healthy choices for himself. These are things I've discussed with him a number of times, and ultimately it's his decision, I know, but I'm incredibly frustrated. I'd like to hear from anyone who has found a way to be supportive without being turned into the bad guy in the kitchen. In December he had a heart scare, which should have been enough of a wake-up call; what does it take for a person to take this stuff seriously?
Thank you very, very much for any direction you can give me. As you can probably tell, I'm more than a little aggrevated by this. I've seen this same thing play out between other of my family members, and it's a game I really don't care to play.
My husband was recently diagnosed with high cholesterol and some mild heart problems. His doctor ran a full battery of tests, prescribed medication, and gave specific recommendations for changes in diet and exercise.
Everything but the diet and exercise component is going well. DH takes his medication regularly, but exercises sporadically. I can't put him on the treadmill and press "start," but I've really tried to shop and cook in the recommended way. DH still prefers the "regular" food that the kids eat (we have 7 young children), and the kids complain when I try to cut out their favorites so DH won't have temptation around. Never mind the fast-food stops when he's on the road or the junk at office luncheons. I've offered to pack him healthy lunches, which he's declined (too much trouble, hassle lugging it around, can just come home for lunch - maybe, etc.) Same with breakfast (not enough time, not hungry in the morning, don't need it).
I'd greatly appreciate advice on what you or family members have found to be helpful and supportive in encouraging compliance with dietary restrictions. I seriously don't want to be put in the position of being the "food police" and don't want to turn into a nag, but I also don't want to be a young widow or too-soon caretaker of someone who didn't care to make healthy choices for himself. These are things I've discussed with him a number of times, and ultimately it's his decision, I know, but I'm incredibly frustrated. I'd like to hear from anyone who has found a way to be supportive without being turned into the bad guy in the kitchen. In December he had a heart scare, which should have been enough of a wake-up call; what does it take for a person to take this stuff seriously?
Thank you very, very much for any direction you can give me. As you can probably tell, I'm more than a little aggrevated by this. I've seen this same thing play out between other of my family members, and it's a game I really don't care to play.
It sure sounds like U are doing everything possible to get him to eat properly, but guess he isn't willing to help himself. I feel for you and understand your frustration, but, like they say, U can't help anyone who doesn't want to help themselves. Hopefully he will get it thru his head he needs to do something to keep himself healthy. Sounds to me like he feels taking meds. is going to cure everything and let him off the hook. JMHO
Have U talked with his dr.? At one time my hubby was being a lil stubborn about his diet and I knew he was sneaking stuff into his diet that he shouldn't, and like U, felt like a nag. I finally told him.."fine, eat as you please, just don't expect me to be your keeper if anything happens because U won't try"! After that he started doing alot better, plus at his next drs. appt. I took the day off from work and went too, and told the dr. he wasn't exactly being a very "good boy". Dr. had a chat with him and explained he didn't have to completely stop all the things he liked, just had to cut back, and after that, things went fine. Guess some folks need a lil shove.
Good luck, and best wishes.......
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When you come to the end of your rope..tie a knot and hang on!
If there are 9 of you eating in the household, the only way to get one compliant with a healthy diet is to get the other 8 compliant also. A two, three or 4 diet household CANNOT work...and the work TRYING to make it work is Herculean.
So it looks like either the 9 of you eat a heart healthy diet or none of you do.
You can't make someone do what you want. Hard as you may try, you just can't (not, and remain their friend instead of their keeper). And you'll drive yourself crazy if you try. The onus is on you (if you are the chief shopper & cook of your household) to prepare healthy meals, but the onus is on HIM when he eats elsewhere. I agree with the poster that said either you all have to eat healthy or none of you do. I agree to a point. However, to be successful he has to also learn how to eat in the real world and the real world does as they darn please and the real world eats junk food sometimes. That doesn't mean he has to.
Maybe if you send him out to buy some extra life insurance (just in case)...
Thanks for the replies so far. JJ, I did go with him to his first visit with the cardiologist and was able to ask the doctor some questions; I had hoped that it would not only be informative for me, but that it would also show DH that I was willing to go into this with him and be supportive in whatever way necessary. I've also bought him a home blood pressure monitor, done research on the internet, bought the American Heart Association cookbook, and have generally pursued anything that might be helpful. I've even gone on the plan myself, because it's healthy for anyone. I thought about going to his follow-up visit at the start of this month, but didn't because I sometimes get the feeling that he thinks I'm trying to be his nanny, and I don't want to create resentment. I guess that's my real problem - knowing how much of what I'm doing is actually helpful within limits, without trying to act like his mom.
Lenin and Tobias, you've made my point for me - THANK YOU! When he first got his orders, I did make the argument that I wasn't going to run the kitchen like a restaurant, where everyone can order something different. Also, his food plan *is* good for the kids, too, and I could stand to lose a few post-pregnancy pounds (the youngest is almost 3 months old). What happens is that the best intentions go astray, and over time everyone has slid back into old habits, with me being the voice of dissention. Add to it that occasionally DH will do some surprise grocery shopping on the way home, with a few treats "for the kids" (and how much of it doesn't make it to the kids?)
However, your input does encourage me to make more of the argument that we *all* need to get onto the same plan. As for kids' treats, they still get stuff at school, at their friends' houses, and occasionally if I'm out running errands with one or more of them, I'll stop and get something for them (not for me) that they can finish on the spot without dragging it into the house. I appreciate knowing that I'm not totally the bad guy in this; thanks again.
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