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Old 07-26-2011, 09:03 PM   #1
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I'm in love and need advice

I am 33 years and my boyfriend of seven years just tested positive. I love him very much and he loves me, but my family is dead set against me being with him. I admit that we have had our share of spats, but overall, he has been there for me. We made plans to get married and have children, and the only thing that I have been told is to move on with my life. I have been told that if I stay with him, I could loose my job, people in the community will talk, and my family will never except him or my life with him. We want to be together and go forward, but this stress that I am under is driving me insane. Please help!!!!!!

 
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Old 07-27-2011, 03:39 AM   #2
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Re: I'm in love and need advice

Dear May2011, I say follow your heart or you will live the rest of your life with what ifs. Your job cannot fire you because of your marriage/relationship with someone who is postive because wouldn't that be considered discrimination, really based on the fact that you may infect them somehow? Communities will always gossip of one issue or another. As for your family, if they "disown" you they might come around especially after you have their grandchildren. You do have a heavy load and alot to think about. If he is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with and is a good caring man - stay with him and have a wonderful life together!

 
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Old 07-27-2011, 06:18 AM   #3
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Re: I'm in love and need advice

I have been struggling so hard with trying to make everyone happy, that is, everyone except for me. Thank you so much for your addvice. I felt the same but the family pressure can be overwhelming. I'm so glad that I am able to find support from someone who can understand where I'm coming from.

 
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Old 08-03-2011, 05:16 PM   #4
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Re: I'm in love and need advice

worry about your own happiness first,
if you don't, you will end up living a life filled with regrets.
it is very admirable that you stay with him no matter what
and do not let anyone drag you down because of it.
good luck

 
Old 08-04-2011, 06:17 AM   #5
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Re: I'm in love and need advice

Smiteler said how it is very well. Great advice!

 
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Old 08-29-2011, 10:40 PM   #6
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Re: I'm in love and need advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by May2011 View Post
I am 33 years and my boyfriend of seven years just tested positive. I love him very much and he loves me, but my family is dead set against me being with him. I admit that we have had our share of spats, but overall, he has been there for me. We made plans to get married and have children, and the only thing that I have been told is to move on with my life. I have been told that if I stay with him, I could loose my job, people in the community will talk, and my family will never except him or my life with him. We want to be together and go forward, but this stress that I am under is driving me insane. Please help!!!!!!
Oh my gosh. this is my very first time on here and didnt know what to do. so i started hitting things that somehow lead me to you. If you wouldnt have put " I'm in love and need advice." I wouldnt have opened this. But I too am madly in-love and in need of someone to talk too. and share with. maybe even become good friends.I am 41 years old. I met Bryan last year. within like three days it was apparent that we clicked. We became best friends rapidly. After about amonth he told me he had HIV. After about another month we couldnt deny our true feelings for each other. so we went on search for statistics and risks. about a month later it was official we were going to be together. and that this meant forever. we have been together ever since and plan on being married. the problem is we were in a county program together. there were no rules saying you couldnt date another participant. but they violated him in june and he is sitting in jail looking at four years in prison. for "engaging in risky behaviour with another participant" thats what their reason is. I am in the process of filing civil discrimination law suit. they are doing eberything they can to throw me out of the program now too. they dont want us together. so if you want please write me back.thankyou for what you wrote. I hope all works out for you. One thing I have learned in the last few years is life is too precious it can be gone in a blink of they eye. Other people including my family dont live rent free in my head anymore. I have to be Happy with who I am and what I believe in. My God didnt say love thy neighbor but not if hes sick. or crippled, or fat, etc. I believe in my relationship with Bryan. Its the best I have ever had. I wouldnt trade him for the world. so im fighting for whats right. They cant keep us apart forever. But you have to do whats right for you. Its a hard decision to make.

 
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Old 11-24-2011, 12:29 AM   #7
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Re: I'm in love and need advice

Wow. I'm beyond glad I found this board (and this thread).

I'm 32 and my fiance of over 6 years tested positive in April 2009. He didn't exactly announce it to me. I found out pretty abruptly when I went to use our computer and he was in our bedroom. I needed to check my email so I went to open a window but instead was met with 5 different internet tabs open talking about HIV this and HIV that. I started trembling and walked into the bedroom very slowly. I asked him if there was something he wanted to tell me. He asked why, and I said 'because I saw some things on the computer that really scared me'. He sighed, sat down and took my hands in his... and slowly told me he was HIV positive. For a moment, silence. Bewilderment. Sadness. Tears. Confusion. Anger. Resentment. Then, the strong sense of worry knowing I might be at risk. I told him through tears that I would stay with him, and I meant it. I went to the clinic the next day and got tested. I'm happy to say I tested negative. I know that my risk doesn't go away as long as I'm with him, but when one's heart is invested for a long time and you have many years together, the heart doesn't know anything else. I'm in love with him, but I'm watching him deteriorate and it breaks me down day by day. He is not taking his meds due to severe reactions (he was prescribed Truvada), he hasn't had a checkup in months and he's had frequent bouts with pneumonia being in and out of the hospital all of last year. He was naturally thin before he tested positive, and with his 30lb+ weight loss last year he has become very frail. I've learned to hold back tears really well and take care of what needs to be taken care of. But when I'm ready, I let all my emotions out. Only a handful of people know his status. I haven't told my parents or his father because I know it will quite literally kill them. Keeping this close to the chest has been very difficult.

The way he talks sometimes is like he doesn't want to fight and that scares me. I can't want his life more than he does. He has to want to live and do things for himself, and I can't do that for him. I'm not supposed to anyhow. Still, I try to keep him as lifted and encouraged as possible. It's a struggle and a process but somehow we get through each day stronger and stronger.

May2011, all I can suggest to you is make sure your boyfriend knows where you stand. Be honest, even if it's brutal. He will appreciate you being straight up with him. If you need to have a good cry, do what you have to. You might have to reassure him of your intentions more than once. This is a tough time for him right now, and he will need to hear that you're in his corner.... REPEATEDLY.

Right now, insecurity for my fiance is at an all-time high. What helps him get through each day is this. What we have together. And what helps me get through each day is knowing that I'm not alone. What a blessing this board has meant to me in this very short period of time.

Thank you for allowing me to share my story.

Last edited by houseofstone; 11-24-2011 at 11:53 AM.

 
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Old 12-29-2011, 10:55 PM   #8
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Re: I'm in love and need advice

It has truly been a blessing to be able to talk to others going through the same thing that I am going through. My fiance has been doing well. He has been taking care of himself and isand counts and loads are excellent. I have been receiving so much term oil from my family that it has been stressing me out. When he asked me to marry him, I was happy yet sad. Happy that I get to spend my life with a man who truly loves me, yet sad that I can't share it with my family. As a result, I have received threatening letters and phone calls and I was attacked and assaulted coming into my house last week. I know things have to get better.

 
Old 01-08-2012, 03:40 PM   #9
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Re: I'm in love and need advice

if u marry this man, how do u plan to have children ? do u plan on unprotected sex ? i know you love him but i would move on...honey the rish is not worth it at all..i agree with ur family..

 
Old 01-08-2012, 04:58 PM   #10
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Re: I'm in love and need advice

I have talked with his doctor and we can have children with the guidance of a doctor. My family want to control what I do. This goes beyond the virus.

 
Old 01-13-2012, 08:33 PM   #11
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Re: I'm in love and need advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by gottaquit51 View Post
i know you love him but i would move on...honey the rish is not worth it at all..i agree with ur family..
that is a very ignorant and closed minded thing to say!
is that how you feel about all people with hiv?
not worth it?
sort of just like how this poor womens family has been treating her!

i'm hoping you do not know this fact
but a positive person can live a very normal
life and do anything (even have kids!) and not infect thier partner
if the proper precautions are taken.

may2011
only listen to yourself
follow your gut
only you know what makes you happy
and what you really want.
do not let anyone get in your way!!!
good luck

 
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