MSH

My results were ready last night as my family was over for Thanksgiving. No one knew that I was waiting for the results. As a precursor, after giving oral sex to a woman and having minimal unprotected intercourse, three days later I developed THRUSH and a fever of 102.7 degrees, which lasted about a week. I had a canker sore in my mouth the next day, which I wondred if it was open during oral sex. The woman I was with had a long sexual history and used a lot of drugs (which I found out about later).

5 months passed and I took the test. Of course, I went on the internet and found that unless you were on antibiotics or smoking (which I was not), thrush was a sign of HIV. Although I read thrush came down the road, I did read that some symptoms of HIV can come hours and days after the initial exposure, and although rare, 12% of the people get thrush as an early sign. I took the test last Monday, and let me tell you, for the last 4 days, all I thought of was HIV, I dreamed about it, could not work, sleep, listen to the radio because I could not enjoy it, watch anything happy or listen to people being happy or lauging around me. I would look at people in public and think, "how lucky they are that they do not have HIV, but I know I do." I could not eat and lost almost 10 pounds. I called the AIDS hotline 4 times with questions and no matter what they said, I was sure I was doomed. I read every single HIV post in this chatboard. I looked around last night at Thanksgiving and almost cried as I thought how blessed I was to have all these wonderful people around me, and I blew it just for a one night stand. Well, I finally got up the nerve to call my doctor, he was working that night, and I had told him I may call him for my results. He said that he would give them to me rather than have me come in. So I got up the nerve, called-in and was NEGATIVE!! Could not believe it. A weight was lifted and all I wanted to do was thank God.

What finally made me test and get the results was thinking (1) if I am HIV positive, there are medications out there that could certainly at least extend my life for a long period of time if I caught it early enough, but if I waited too long, then there would be little that could be done; (2) if I was negative, then I will be born again without the overwhelming anxiety. The third option, not getting tested, or not checking the results, would only lead to continuous anxiety and wondering if every time I was tired or had a cold it was b/c of HIV, which was no way to live, or worse, possibly having HIV but not doing anything about it for myself, and in turn, my loved ones. I thought that was just too selfish and the worse possible option.

I went through hell like everone else has in testing and waiting for the results. Please take the words of advice of everyone in this board (although you will go through the stress still which is understandable): the chances you have HIV are very slim, you cannot tell by symptoms (look at me), it is a very hard virus to catch and the benefits of taking a test and getting the results, far outweigh not getting tested at all. May God bless all of you.