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Old 03-31-2006, 08:20 PM   #1
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chris_eco HB User
I did something stupid...

Hi-

LIke others here, I'm really concerned. I don't know, but I'm concerned that I may have been exposed to the virus last night. I can't do much of anything, because I'm somewhat paralyzed with fear right now.

I'm really embarassed and ashamed of what I did, but here's the story:

I've always considered myself straight, but I was curious what it would be like to be with another guy, and I had that opportunity last night. Unfortunately, I took it.

There was oral, which seems to be low risk based on my reading. Unfortunately, there was anal sex as well (me being on the receiving end). As if that wasn't bad enough, it was unprotected. It was just brief, maybe a couple minutes at most, and he didn't ejaculate inside of me. Apparently, that seems to still be a very high risk based on my reading. I don't know this person well at all.

I don't know how it happened. He kept asking, and I said I wasn't comfortable at first, but after asking a few times, I said ok. I don't know why. Anyway, it was so brief because I suddenly came to my senses and said to myself, "what am I doing?"

I expressed my concerns when we were done. He said he was clean, but apparently the last time he was tested was two years ago. That's not very recent, and I don't trust his answers based on how he downplayed my concerns. I asked if he would get tested, but he said, "you wan to subject me to that?" That doesn't make me feel any better.

Anyway, I don't know what I'm looking for here. I had to tell someone though, and I can't tell anyone I really know. I guess I would be hoping someone would say I need to get tested, but I'm probably a little over concerned. But based on my reading, I feel like I should be terrified.

Like I said, I'm kind of paralyzed with fear right now. I couldn't sleep last night. I can't concentrate. I can't eat. I have no idea how to cope with not knowing until I can get tested.

Also, does anyone know anything about post-exposure therapy? I can only find some basic information on it, and I'm not sure if I can go to any doctor to ask about that, or what to do.

Anyway, please don't judge me. I've done enough of that myself.

 
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Old 04-01-2006, 12:56 PM   #2
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vettene HB User
Re: I did something stupid...

What you need to do is find out one way or the other and then once you now then you can react

There is no point beating yourself up about how you got it because you can't change the past. Thinking about who you got it from or when and how will just eat you up and consume you. Its the same as when you are rude to someone and you wish you weren't. You cant do anything about the past just think about the future.

As a bottom and you haven't been ****ed before you could have had some tearing which also increases the risk if you don't know his status.

Go and have the test and then deal with it. If you know you have it soon after contracting it its better in the long run as you can be in control if it rather than the other way around

This is just my opinion the same as anything else is just opinion you have to make the decisions and live your life please don't stress yourself out about this one encounter

Send me a private message if you want

 
Old 04-01-2006, 04:27 PM   #3
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last1 HB User
Re: I did something stupid...

Dear CHris: When I saw your post this morning, it took me all day to come up with the right response. And 'devil in amber' said it best. You will never rest until you knwo for sure...get tested. chris

 
Old 04-01-2006, 05:10 PM   #4
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wiredqs HB User
Re: I did something stupid...

...and until you get tested be careful out there! After all,you know how miserable you are, don't make anyone else worry.

 
Old 04-01-2006, 05:57 PM   #5
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chris_eco HB User
Re: I did something stupid...

Thanks for your responses.

I've calmed down a little, but I've still never been so terrified. But you're right; I won't be able to rest until I'm tested. Waiting three months to get tested is just such a long time to feel this way. I wish I could just get tested now, because I really don't know how I'm going to make it that long feeling this way.

In the morning, I might stop at an emergency room and ask if I can be prescribed post-exposure therapy, which may help prevent infection. I don't know if they'll prescribe it, but it can't hurt to ask at least for a few days worth until I can see someone specializing in it. The drugs seem rough...but it's better than the alternative.

 
Old 04-01-2006, 07:05 PM   #6
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Re: I did something stupid...

Chris, Devil in Amber did say it best, Dont beat yourself up about the past. just be careful in the future and get tested in three months.

Ron

 
Old 04-01-2006, 07:25 PM   #7
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Lexi4529 HB User
Re: I did something stupid...

Aw, hon...
The odds are in your favor.
Chances are, you'll find out you're negative, and learn from this experience, and never, ever make this mistake again.
I'm sure most Americans have, at one time or another, felt the terror you're experiencing now.
I believe there is a fairly accurate test that can determine whether you are HIV positive much sooner than three months; I think you might even be able to be tested the day after exposure with reasonable accuracy (edit: I know for sure there is a test you can take 30 days after exposure).
I'd recommend calling your doctor and asking about this.
There's no sense living with this terror and uncertainty for months; you'll give yourself an ulcer or a heart attack.
Call your doctor.
Good luck. I believe in my heart you're probably okay, simply because the odds are heavily on your side.
If you were HIV positive from a single encounter, that would be terrible luck indeed.
I bet you'll be posting again soon, like many others on this board, to tell us you're okay after all (and wiser for the experience).
Be brave.

Last edited by Lexi4529; 04-01-2006 at 07:27 PM.

 
Old 04-02-2006, 11:14 AM   #8
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Re: I did something stupid...

Thankyou for your support everyone.

I did some checking online, and apparently there are tests that look for the virus a few days after exposure. However, based on my reading, they can give false positives...so I'm not sure how I feel about it. I might just get tested monthly.

Based on my reading, one site placed the odds at .1% to .3%. Another site said 1 in 150 when their status is not known. The odds must be in my favor, but obviously anything higher than 0% is too much of a risk. I really need to stop reading about it; I'm driving myself crazy.

I can't seem to help but be hard on myself. I know everyone says not to beat myself up over this, but I'm just filled with regret. The first time he asked, I said I wasn't comfortable with that. Why didn't I just keep saying that? I didn't even want to say okay, so why did I cave when he asked again? Why would I do something so stupid and put myself at risk? It's going to take a long time for me to accept what I did.

I would give anything to be able to go back in time. There isn't anything that is worth this fear.

Last edited by chris_eco; 04-02-2006 at 11:32 AM.

 
Old 04-02-2006, 12:39 PM   #9
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Re: I did something stupid...

Quote:
Originally Posted by chris_eco
The first time he asked, I said I wasn't comfortable with that. Why didn't I just keep saying that? I didn't even want to say okay, so why did I cave when he asked again? Why would I do something so stupid and put myself at risk?
Oh you human being, you! You are human and you made a mistake. It's that simple. Everyone does. Stop beating yourself up over this...I mean it!

What's done is done so you are not doing anything for yourself with these thoughts. You haven't done anything that is beneath what we've all done.

Quote:
Originally Posted by chris_eco
I would give anything to be able to go back in time. There isn't anything that is worth this fear.
I know how you feel. Just use it as a lesson for the future. You can make this up to yourself by taking away a valuable lesson.

 
Old 04-02-2006, 07:51 PM   #10
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chris_eco HB User
Re: I did something stupid...

Quote:
Originally Posted by SPECTACULAR
I know how you feel. Just use it as a lesson for the future. You can make this up to yourself by taking away a valuable lesson.
Oh, I learned a lesson. I just hope I didn't learn it too late.

Anyway, I had a question maybe someone here can help me with. I guess I just want confirmation. In my situation, if this other person was HIV+, that doesn't necessarily mean I would become infected, right?

I have this person's e-mail address and I'm thinking about contacting them to ask him to be tested. However, I suspect they won't, and if they do, I'm afraid of the answer. If it's positive, I'll freak out. If it's negative, I won't necessarily believe him, and I don't know how many partners he would have had in the past few months anyway. So I'm not sure it will do any good. And I'm not even comfortable contacting this person again.

 
Old 04-02-2006, 07:56 PM   #11
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Re: I did something stupid...

Nope, it is not guaranteed that you will get HIV because you have sex with an HIV positive person.

 
Old 04-26-2006, 08:29 PM   #12
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Patrick82 HB User
Re: I did something stupid...

Hey man, I had the same exact high risk encounter that you did in mid Febrauary. I was very very worried and very emotional because of what happened, on top of that I am in a very loving relationship with another guy, so I felt super guilty. I tested with the rapid oraquick advanced at 6 weeks and 8 weeks, with negative results, this brought my stress level down greatly. I know I have to take one more test in about a month but from everyone I talk to they say that an 8 week test is pretty much accurate and it would be very unusual for me to test positive at 3 months. I know what your going thru man and feel free to private me anytime if you want to talk.

Patrick

 
Old 04-29-2006, 09:17 PM   #13
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chris_eco HB User
Re: I did something stupid...

It has now been a month since I made this huge mistake. Over the past couple weeks, I've really calmed down...there wasn't much of a choice.

I've had some things that concern me though. Mainly, 3-4 days after the potential exposure, I started waking up with a scratchy throat that went away after I would eat/drink something. Then, earlier this past week, I had a really minor sore throat for a day or two. I don't know if that's a symptom of not; I'm trying not to allow myself to spend much time looking up symptoms.

Anyway, I'll probably go get tested this week just for some assurance, even if it isn't 100%...if I can work up the courage to do it. I've calmed down, but I'm still terrified.

 
Old 04-30-2006, 07:19 PM   #14
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john the bomb HB User
Lightbulb Re: I did something stupid...

1.Get yourself tested.
2.You may not have it.
3.Even if you are HIV+ it DOES NOT mean you will die tomorrow.It also doesnot mean you will get AIDS tomorrow.In fact,EVEN IF POSITIVE YOU MAY NEVER GET AIDS.
4.It is a chronic,manageable disease.Meds do help.
5.IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!Do not beat yourself up.You are a good person who made a mistake.No one will hate you.God will not punish you.

 
Old 04-30-2006, 08:23 PM   #15
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chris_eco HB User
Re: I did something stupid...

Thanks for the response John.

I will get tested. I'm just trying to figure out when, and I'm scared to do it. I can't wait the three months, but I'm deciding on whether or not I should hold out a couple more weeks. I was fine waiting a little longer until the last few days.

It's come back to being the first thing on my mind at every moment this weekend, unfortunately. I know everyone's going to say symptoms don't mean anything, but the scratchy throat I've had off and on for the past month, and the sore throat I had on Friday and part of Saturday has me concerned, even though it wasn't severe at all. Then today, I woke up with a dry cough that has been persistent all day. Then there are muscle aches, particularly in my back. Then again, that just came up today after I was at a playoff basketball game and was sitting for a very long time, so that could very well be unrelated.

 
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