LIke others here, I'm really concerned. I don't know, but I'm concerned that I may have been exposed to the virus last night. I can't do much of anything, because I'm somewhat paralyzed with fear right now.
I'm really embarassed and ashamed of what I did, but here's the story:
I've always considered myself straight, but I was curious what it would be like to be with another guy, and I had that opportunity last night. Unfortunately, I took it.
There was oral, which seems to be low risk based on my reading. Unfortunately, there was anal sex as well (me being on the receiving end). As if that wasn't bad enough, it was unprotected. It was just brief, maybe a couple minutes at most, and he didn't ejaculate inside of me. Apparently, that seems to still be a very high risk based on my reading. I don't know this person well at all.
I don't know how it happened. He kept asking, and I said I wasn't comfortable at first, but after asking a few times, I said ok. I don't know why. Anyway, it was so brief because I suddenly came to my senses and said to myself, "what am I doing?"
I expressed my concerns when we were done. He said he was clean, but apparently the last time he was tested was two years ago. That's not very recent, and I don't trust his answers based on how he downplayed my concerns. I asked if he would get tested, but he said, "you wan to subject me to that?" That doesn't make me feel any better.
Anyway, I don't know what I'm looking for here. I had to tell someone though, and I can't tell anyone I really know. I guess I would be hoping someone would say I need to get tested, but I'm probably a little over concerned. But based on my reading, I feel like I should be terrified.
Like I said, I'm kind of paralyzed with fear right now. I couldn't sleep last night. I can't concentrate. I can't eat. I have no idea how to cope with not knowing until I can get tested.
Also, does anyone know anything about post-exposure therapy? I can only find some basic information on it, and I'm not sure if I can go to any doctor to ask about that, or what to do.
Anyway, please don't judge me. I've done enough of that myself.
What you need to do is find out one way or the other and then once you now then you can react
There is no point beating yourself up about how you got it because you can't change the past. Thinking about who you got it from or when and how will just eat you up and consume you. Its the same as when you are rude to someone and you wish you weren't. You cant do anything about the past just think about the future.
As a bottom and you haven't been ****ed before you could have had some tearing which also increases the risk if you don't know his status.
Go and have the test and then deal with it. If you know you have it soon after contracting it its better in the long run as you can be in control if it rather than the other way around
This is just my opinion the same as anything else is just opinion you have to make the decisions and live your life please don't stress yourself out about this one encounter
Dear CHris: When I saw your post this morning, it took me all day to come up with the right response. And 'devil in amber' said it best. You will never rest until you knwo for sure...get tested. chris
I've calmed down a little, but I've still never been so terrified. But you're right; I won't be able to rest until I'm tested. Waiting three months to get tested is just such a long time to feel this way. I wish I could just get tested now, because I really don't know how I'm going to make it that long feeling this way.
In the morning, I might stop at an emergency room and ask if I can be prescribed post-exposure therapy, which may help prevent infection. I don't know if they'll prescribe it, but it can't hurt to ask at least for a few days worth until I can see someone specializing in it. The drugs seem rough...but it's better than the alternative.
Aw, hon...
The odds are in your favor.
Chances are, you'll find out you're negative, and learn from this experience, and never, ever make this mistake again.
I'm sure most Americans have, at one time or another, felt the terror you're experiencing now.
I believe there is a fairly accurate test that can determine whether you are HIV positive much sooner than three months; I think you might even be able to be tested the day after exposure with reasonable accuracy (edit: I know for sure there is a test you can take 30 days after exposure).
I'd recommend calling your doctor and asking about this.
There's no sense living with this terror and uncertainty for months; you'll give yourself an ulcer or a heart attack.
Call your doctor.
Good luck. I believe in my heart you're probably okay, simply because the odds are heavily on your side.
If you were HIV positive from a single encounter, that would be terrible luck indeed.
I bet you'll be posting again soon, like many others on this board, to tell us you're okay after all (and wiser for the experience).
Be brave.
I did some checking online, and apparently there are tests that look for the virus a few days after exposure. However, based on my reading, they can give false positives...so I'm not sure how I feel about it. I might just get tested monthly.
Based on my reading, one site placed the odds at .1% to .3%. Another site said 1 in 150 when their status is not known. The odds must be in my favor, but obviously anything higher than 0% is too much of a risk. I really need to stop reading about it; I'm driving myself crazy.
I can't seem to help but be hard on myself. I know everyone says not to beat myself up over this, but I'm just filled with regret. The first time he asked, I said I wasn't comfortable with that. Why didn't I just keep saying that? I didn't even want to say okay, so why did I cave when he asked again? Why would I do something so stupid and put myself at risk? It's going to take a long time for me to accept what I did.
I would give anything to be able to go back in time. There isn't anything that is worth this fear.
The first time he asked, I said I wasn't comfortable with that. Why didn't I just keep saying that? I didn't even want to say okay, so why did I cave when he asked again? Why would I do something so stupid and put myself at risk?
Oh you human being, you! You are human and you made a mistake. It's that simple. Everyone does. Stop beating yourself up over this...I mean it!
What's done is done so you are not doing anything for yourself with these thoughts. You haven't done anything that is beneath what we've all done.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chris_eco
I would give anything to be able to go back in time. There isn't anything that is worth this fear.
I know how you feel. Just use it as a lesson for the future. You can make this up to yourself by taking away a valuable lesson.
I know how you feel. Just use it as a lesson for the future. You can make this up to yourself by taking away a valuable lesson.
Oh, I learned a lesson. I just hope I didn't learn it too late.
Anyway, I had a question maybe someone here can help me with. I guess I just want confirmation. In my situation, if this other person was HIV+, that doesn't necessarily mean I would become infected, right?
I have this person's e-mail address and I'm thinking about contacting them to ask him to be tested. However, I suspect they won't, and if they do, I'm afraid of the answer. If it's positive, I'll freak out. If it's negative, I won't necessarily believe him, and I don't know how many partners he would have had in the past few months anyway. So I'm not sure it will do any good. And I'm not even comfortable contacting this person again.
Hey man, I had the same exact high risk encounter that you did in mid Febrauary. I was very very worried and very emotional because of what happened, on top of that I am in a very loving relationship with another guy, so I felt super guilty. I tested with the rapid oraquick advanced at 6 weeks and 8 weeks, with negative results, this brought my stress level down greatly. I know I have to take one more test in about a month but from everyone I talk to they say that an 8 week test is pretty much accurate and it would be very unusual for me to test positive at 3 months. I know what your going thru man and feel free to private me anytime if you want to talk.
It has now been a month since I made this huge mistake. Over the past couple weeks, I've really calmed down...there wasn't much of a choice.
I've had some things that concern me though. Mainly, 3-4 days after the potential exposure, I started waking up with a scratchy throat that went away after I would eat/drink something. Then, earlier this past week, I had a really minor sore throat for a day or two. I don't know if that's a symptom of not; I'm trying not to allow myself to spend much time looking up symptoms.
Anyway, I'll probably go get tested this week just for some assurance, even if it isn't 100%...if I can work up the courage to do it. I've calmed down, but I'm still terrified.
1.Get yourself tested.
2.You may not have it.
3.Even if you are HIV+ it DOES NOT mean you will die tomorrow.It also doesnot mean you will get AIDS tomorrow.In fact,EVEN IF POSITIVE YOU MAY NEVER GET AIDS.
4.It is a chronic,manageable disease.Meds do help.
5.IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!!Do not beat yourself up.You are a good person who made a mistake.No one will hate you.God will not punish you.
I will get tested. I'm just trying to figure out when, and I'm scared to do it. I can't wait the three months, but I'm deciding on whether or not I should hold out a couple more weeks. I was fine waiting a little longer until the last few days.
It's come back to being the first thing on my mind at every moment this weekend, unfortunately. I know everyone's going to say symptoms don't mean anything, but the scratchy throat I've had off and on for the past month, and the sore throat I had on Friday and part of Saturday has me concerned, even though it wasn't severe at all. Then today, I woke up with a dry cough that has been persistent all day. Then there are muscle aches, particularly in my back. Then again, that just came up today after I was at a playoff basketball game and was sitting for a very long time, so that could very well be unrelated.
Chill dude Chil...I don't know how late this email is to you, but, there is emergency procedures that you can obtain if available within 72 hours of exposure if you feel you may have been exposed and it is called PEP. Give it some thought if it is worrying you that badly. Like I said,not giving you a worry. I would also chill...these folks posting know what they are talking about.
Hi -
There is nothing that you can do to change the past, this is true. You can choose what you will do today and in the days to come.
What may have happened with that man was that you may have touched on a sensitive subject for him - I know it is a sensitive subject for anyone really - but what I am talking about is that I had this friend that would participate in risky activity a lot and when I questioned them as to if they were concerned about HIV and all this, they got rather defensive and tried to downplay it too. Months later they came to me and told me that I made them uncomfortable with my questions because it made them think about what they were doing. They ended up being tested and being fine, perhaps more careful in the future.
There are times in our lives when we get a wake up call and look back on all the things we've done or perhaps things we've recently done and we are shaken up about them. If we are one of the lucky ones, we come out unscathed with a new awareness ~
I pray that things go well with you and that you are guided to the right decision...
I might ramble a little in this one, but I need a place to vent and get things out.
I really do need to calm down, as everyone has suggested. Like I said, I was doing so well in terms of staying calm up until late last week. Now, it's just all I think about again. I just wish the three months were up.
I wish all these little, minor symptoms would go away too. The thing is, all these minor symptoms are things that are not uncommon to me, and in some cases, are so minor I think it might just be me magnifying anything I feel. Not to mention, I've been under a ton of stress at work and school as well.
I was doing some more reading, and I noticed that cankersores can be a symptom. Well, I get those all the time, but not recently up until I had one last week. Today, I developed a headache by the evening. But it was a late night at work, which tends to lead to a headache for me. There's still a minor cough, which depending on the source, may or may not be a symptom. And I think I feel muscle aches, but I'm not sure...other than in my back, which again, is not uncommon for me. Why did I ever start reading about symptoms? I wouldn't think anything of these little complaints if it weren't for this situation.
I'm terrified of the whole situation, but if I am fortunate enough to get through this without contracting HIV, this whole thing could be very beneficial for my outlook on life. I've always been the type to work hard now at the expense of not enjoying myself enough now, thinking I'll enjoy things later...which never comes, of course. This whole situation will change that.
I think my biggest concern, right now, isn't even what this would do to me. I think I'm more concerned about how my parents would react and what this would do to them, and the idea that I'd likely end up spending my life alone.
Of course, I realize I'm getting way ahead of myself here. But I guess that's just the natural tendency in these situations.
First of all stop reading !
Second LACK of or EVERY symptom in the book is no way to diagnose whether or not you do in FACT have hiv infection .
I honestly don't care how good or bad someone feels and for how long it goes on the simple fact is the only way to know for sure is to get a ( ELISA ) test at 13 weeks or to be even more specific 90 days for a clear answer .
If you go online symptom searching you will only scare the living hell out of you're self and the parranoid mind on the loose you will connect everything as a symptom .
I GUARANTEE YOU THAT YOU WILL GET EVERY SYMPTOM AS YOU READ !!!!!
So you're best bet is instead of web surfing through diagnosis beach to just come here for all the support you can get ( and we have lots to give ) and wait out the window period ........ Deal ?
......... Lost Spirit ...........
This might be a dumb question, but where can I go to get tested? I don't really have a regular doctor. Can I just go to an emergency care or acute care center? Or any general physician?
This is something I'm going to have a hard time even asking for.
You are human and you made a mistake. It's that simple. Everyone does. Stop beating yourself up over this...I mean it! 
