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Old 06-15-2006, 08:33 AM   #1
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Charliex HB User
Unhappy Help? Not quite sure how to take this

Hi

Me and my partner went for the HIV test a week ago and got our results yesterday. We went in together, the doc read mine out fine and she said I was neg. Straight away I assumed my partner would also be neg. It came out that he was positive. We were both so upset and shocked. We thought we would both be fine. We have been together for a 1yr now and I was confused how I was neg. I am being monitored now every 3 months just incase.
It changes so much in our relationship. Is it possible for us to have children now? I mean we wont be able to ever have sex again with out a condom. Can it be possible that i could get pregnant? I will be so scared to sleep with him just incase i get it, but i love him so much.
My Boyfriend is taking this really hard and Im trying to be so strong and support him but I keep breaking down. Is there anyone else in my situation out there?
What does the future hold for my boyfriend? and also me?
Im just really confused at the moment and wasn't expecting this at all. I would really appeciate it if someone could try give me answers

Charlie x

 
Old 06-15-2006, 10:20 AM   #2
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safari0121 HB User
Re: Help? Not quite sure how to take this

hi charlie,

sorry to hear about your bf results. me and my partner are in a similar situation to you.
we have been together for 8yrs and i found out in jan that i am + and he is -. my partner is going through the same as you he said he can't have full intercourse (even protected) with me again because he is soo scared of getting HIV, but i love him and respect his dissision.
there is no reason why you can't have children later on in life i myself have two which when i was preg i didn't know i was +, both children fine.
the first few months i found it hell with so many emotions going through my head and my partner found it even worse than me and he still does.
keep coming to this board as it has some useful info and everyone is very nice.
there is also alot of help out their try talking to the Terrance Higgins Trust they are supportive for the partner that is HIV-.

take care

 
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Old 06-15-2006, 02:30 PM   #3
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vianna HB User
Re: Help? Not quite sure how to take this

can i ask you a personal question...
did you guys ever have oral sex...i mean you giving it to him? and you guys had unprotected sex...??? well i mean you are very lucky...im just asking those questions cause of my post
i am sorry to hear about that
as far as having a child...as long as you are healthy its fine...but i wouldnt go and infect myself on purpose to have a child

 
Old 06-15-2006, 03:58 PM   #4
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aids toll HB User
Re: Help? Not quite sure how to take this

Ok, Now you listen and this goes to everyone.

No healty person should have sex with someone who is infected. I hope one day we could cure AIDS.

out of curiousity how did he get it, and how did you not get it. I mean you two were with each other for 1 year.

Is he bi? How did he get it?

Now you do not be an idiot what ever you do. You will not or anyone else here would sleep even protected with someone who is infected.


 
Old 06-15-2006, 04:17 PM   #5
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vianna HB User
Re: Help? Not quite sure how to take this

actually aids toll there are lots of ppl here who are in healthy relationships with ppl who are not of their status....for instance they have hiv and their partner does not
they practice safe sex and have no problems
im not saying i could do it but if you are in love...you cant really say what you would do

 
Old 06-15-2006, 05:11 PM   #6
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Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,034
last1 HB User
Re: Help? Not quite sure how to take this

WEll, I just had to add my two cents to this conversation. As most of you are aware, my wife and I were married (this is the second marriage for both of us) for seven years before we found out I was positive and she is negative. Obviously, having not been aware of my status prior to that fateful July, 1994, we did not (nor did we think we needed to) practise safe-sex. However, and obviously, whenever we've had intercourse, it has been with a condom. And, yes, I always never distracted by my status and always incredibly and distractibly vigilant.

Does it change your life? Yes, for always.
ARe there good things that can come from this? Absolutely. I found truly what 'unconditional love' is all about. My wife is beautiful (both physically and spiritually). She is a professional and can easily have a career without me. But we have been together for 19 yrs and I don't see anything changing. I take my meds and we live a wonderful life. Also, I have found a struggling courage within me that I never though I would be able to muster.

What does you future hold? Whatever you want it to. Don't be defined by the disease. Remember, no disease is more important than the person who has it.

love to you both, chris

Last edited by last1; 06-15-2006 at 05:13 PM. Reason: wording

 
Old 06-16-2006, 02:15 AM   #7
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Charliex HB User
Re: Help? Not quite sure how to take this

Thanks everyone for replying, really good help.

And yes me and my bf have had oral and unprotected sex and luckerly I was neg. Although I have had some symptoms, I have to take a test every 3 months and fingers crossed im ok. I want to be able to have sex with him but im scared.... who wouldn't be? but i do really love him and I hope we can make this work.
Its all very strange how we decided to go for a test. His brother called him up drunk one day saying you better get tested because a girl who he was with apprantly died of AIDS. We werent sure if it was a rumour. This girl unfortunalty died about 5 yrs ago to my knowledge. We went and got tested and this happened. So he could have had it for 5 yrs and not known or it might have just been a rumour and he could of got it from someone else.
My life just keeps going down. My bf drinks alot and is on the verge of been a full blown alcoholic. He tried to give up before but now this he's drinking more and more. I hate it cos he gets aggressive towards everyone and I hav eto deal with it. My mum hates him and has reacted in such a bad way to the results she has said me or him? i said thats not fair as i need both of you but she doesnt see it that way. She wants me out the house. I dont know what to do? The drinking gets too much for me to handle and now these results and havent a clue what to do. I love him but i dont want to be a mug if you see what i mean. If i walk out he will think its cos the HIV?? I dont want to...... what do you think? Drinking with HIV, can it effect it? It must do with the meds?
Sorry this is getting so long, just had a really bad morning and very confused??
Plz write replies
Thanks
Charlie x

 
Old 06-16-2006, 05:30 AM   #8
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sheren HB User
Re: Help? Not quite sure how to take this

Hiya, fair play to you, you are being very brave.
Look tell your boyfriend he needs to calm down on the drink and look after himself.
Look, i'm not sure of my status at the moment, but about 2 months ago i had Unpro sex for 1min and gave this woman Oral for about 2 mins, look I was drunk. I'm married with 4 kids, I broke down and told my wife what happened 4 weeks ago. Its been very hard at this moment, but Iím just keeping my fingers crossed I've not caught nothing from this women.

I've been to a STD Clinic and my results have come back negative for other STD's (NO HIV TEST TAKEN), i think I'm getting symptoms like pains under my arm pits, I had a headache for 1 week, i felt tried for 3 weeks, pains near my groin area, pains behind my knee, my elbows hurt. I've spoken to a few helplines and they are tell me its all in my head, thatís what the doctor said the me when I went to the STD Clinic.

I'm an Alcoholic and i go to AA, what happened above was the first time I've drank in 3 years and look what happens, I've never cheated on my wife, I've been married for 8 years...

My wife is trying to put it behind us, but man Iím on countdown until I go for the test, I'm still in 2 minds about going for a test..

After your results, has your BF been given support by local council..?
Also what symptoms are you getting.?

Take care chat soon..

 
Old 06-17-2006, 03:47 AM   #9
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Charliex HB User
Re: Help? Not quite sure how to take this

Hi Robin
Thanks for the reply. Im sorry to hear what has happened with you and your wife. Im sure things will work out over time if you want it. Drink is horrible, it makes people act in suh a way they wouldnt when they are sober.
My bf is getting support, we are going back to the hospital tuesday to talk to a lady that knows more about it and then see what point its at. Its all so scary though.
My mum has just thrown me out of my house, so im now living with my bf and trying to get my own place for the time being. It feels like its getting bad to worse and i really dont know how to take it. Fels like im loosing everyone around me.
Im probaly just paranoid but i had flu like symptoms bout 2 months ago for quite a while. I just get worried. Just have to be strong for me and him. Its hrad trust me cos I have my moments where i just break down, also the situation with my mum really doesnt help.
Coming on here and getting replies really helps as I know at least some one is listening to what I have to say.
Im sure Robin things will get better but I would go have a test just to be on the safe side cos if you did you could pass it on to your wife. sorry dont mean to scare you just saying get tested, I would.

Speak soon

Charlie

 
Old 06-19-2006, 01:09 PM   #10
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sheren HB User
Re: Help? Not quite sure how to take this

Good Luck for tomorrow, hope all goes well.
sorry to hear about your mum kicking u out, but u really need to decide what u wanna do..perhaps u need a break all away from the worries...oh well good luck...I've been off the Gym for 6 weeks and went back last week, i feel so good all my pains have gone no headaches, but i'm still on countdown for taking my test....

 
Old 06-19-2006, 01:51 PM   #11
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jodikm HB User
Re: Help? Not quite sure how to take this

I'm in the opposite situation, I've been with my boyfriend for over 3 yrs, and we went by his results until I got sick, and was tested positive. I am terrified to have sex with him because I dont want him to get this horrible disease.

 
Old 06-19-2006, 01:52 PM   #12
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jodikm HB User
Re: Help? Not quite sure how to take this

I'm in the opposite situation, I've been with my boyfriend for over 3 yrs, and we went by his results until I got sick, and was tested positive. I am terrified to have sex with him because I dont want him to get this horrible disease.

 
Old 06-19-2006, 01:52 PM   #13
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jodikm HB User
Re: Help? Not quite sure how to take this

Quote:
Originally Posted by Charliex
Hi

Me and my partner went for the HIV test a week ago and got our results yesterday. We went in together, the doc read mine out fine and she said I was neg. Straight away I assumed my partner would also be neg. It came out that he was positive. We were both so upset and shocked. We thought we would both be fine. We have been together for a 1yr now and I was confused how I was neg. I am being monitored now every 3 months just incase.
It changes so much in our relationship. Is it possible for us to have children now? I mean we wont be able to ever have sex again with out a condom. Can it be possible that i could get pregnant? I will be so scared to sleep with him just incase i get it, but i love him so much.
My Boyfriend is taking this really hard and Im trying to be so strong and support him but I keep breaking down. Is there anyone else in my situation out there?
What does the future hold for my boyfriend? and also me?
Im just really confused at the moment and wasn't expecting this at all. I would really appeciate it if someone could try give me answers

Charlie x
I'm in the opposite situation, I've been with my boyfriend for over 3 yrs, and we went by his results until I got sick, and was tested positive. I am terrified to have sex with him because I dont want him to get this horrible disease.

 
Old 06-21-2006, 01:16 PM   #14
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sheren HB User
Re: Help? Not quite sure how to take this

Charliex hows it going, how was the hospital visit on Tuesday..??

 
Old 06-22-2006, 01:46 AM   #15
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Posts: 47
Charliex HB User
Re: Help? Not quite sure how to take this

Robin, it went ok. Learnt alot more about it and understand it abit more. They gave us some books to read up on so that should be helpful. They are going to test me every month now to see if im ok and for my bf they took more blood tuesday and testing it to see how bad it is at the moment. Its all so scary but Im just trying to be strong. Just feels like evrything has happened so quick. My mum kicking me out, this HIV, arguing with my bf constantly, him drinking too much aaarrrrr i could go on but dont want to bore you. Im sure over time things will work out I HOPE!! Hows things with you anyway?

 
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