can't keep hiding these feelings - HIV Prevention Message Board

tmomma80 · 01-09-2007, 09:12 AM

Hello Everyone,
Just feeling a little blue today. Its been a while since I have posted. It's been 2years since my possible exposure. Well its starting a new year and I finally made my dr's apt. it is on Fri.... I have been suffering from fatigue, headaches, body aches in neck, back, arms, leggs and sometimes numbness in my feet and leggs. I can't help but to wonder if these are hiv symptoms that have surfaced because of my unhealthy habits that I have picked back up. But soon I will know for sure....and put an end to all of this worrying.

It has become a ritual of mine every day to feel behind my daughters ears and neck checking for swollen nodes and to have her open her mouth so I can look at her tongue and gums. This is crazy!!!!

I just wanted to get some things of my chest. Thanks.

tmomma80 · 01-10-2007, 09:47 AM

mstucker thanks for your reply. I'll recap a little on my story. About 2 1/2 years ago I slept with this guy who I found out is HIV+ (afterwards of course). We used protection. But the condoms that we used were very thin and cheap condoms from our local health dept. He had a whole bag of these in closet. I remember the night so well I tried kissing him but he held his mouth tight and I remember even feeling his toungue briefly. It felt really rough. It lasted only a couple of minutes but at the end it felt weird I don't know if the condom broke or not but he pulled out. The end. Well about 2 weeks later I got sick. It started with a headache that just kept getting worse, then fever and chills, fatigue, that lasted about 4 days. Shortly after that I had dierreha and a very painfull swollen node in my groin. It was then when I had a horrible nightmare that I had HIV.

The reason why I am so concerned about my daughter is that about 1mo. after the exposure, my daughter was 5 months at the time. I was caught up in the middle of a tussle between 2 friends and my fingernail tore off completely. I had it covered with a band-aid but it was bloody and filled with puss that seeped through the band-aid, one day while holding my daughter she had put her mouth on the finger before I realized what was going on she had sucked on my finger for a while. shortly after that (2weeks) she became sick, ***** through my over the top. I did have a test done at aprox. 3months it was neg. I am anemic so I don't know if that would affect the test results or not. But I am not the same person I was 2 years ago. I don't go out much anymore or talk to many of my friends. For 2 years I said I was neg. but in the back of my mind always wondered could I really be pos. It is hard for my to beleive that I was so close and that I escaped it.

Just recently I have had uprotected sex with 2 guys they both became sick afterwards with cold/flu symptoms. This triggered my alarm again. maybe just a coincidence. I hope so. Maybe this is all an evil trick the enemy is playing on me. But I will be taking another test soon and this time I will for sure put all of this to rest. Really that flu that I had was unlike anything that I had ever experienced before that is why it is hard for me to forget.

anyway wish me luck and your blessings....thanks so much for listening.

tmomma80 · 01-10-2007, 01:16 PM

[QUOTE=mstucker20]Hey I absolutely understand your concern. It just seems to me you and her would be more sick, than you say. I just think your mind is playing tricks on you.

And what if its not?
I'm sorry but do you have to be really sick to be hiv+?

tmomma80 · 01-10-2007, 02:10 PM

yeah I see what you are saying. She is about to be 3 now. Only thing is that she complains about her stomach hurting almost everyday, she has frequent bowel movements and diareaha, and always keeps a runny nose.

I myself have had a couple of issues including the ones in my original post. But I will be seen Fri not only for an HIV test but because I have been having frequent yeast infections and now I think that I have a UTI because it burns when I pee and there is blood when I wipe.

I just want to be healthy and feel healthy. I've been having a lot of complications right now and this HIV scare does not make it any better. Once I get my results back and if they are neg. I will be satisfied that at least I don't have to worry about that anymore.

I was just thinking.... If you contracted the herpes virus would you also come down with flu like symptoms as well?

motherlove · 01-10-2007, 04:51 PM

Tmomma 80, you took three months test it dosn't matter what kinda condoms it was you tested neg after 3 months. You did't give it to your baby. It's the last two guys unpertected that the CDC would call a risk. You can get rapid test come back in 20 mins. God Bless You. Keep us posting i'm praying for you.