I have over the last few months read many of the posts on this sub forum and have gained a lot of knowledge and comfort from the words written here. I have never posted here but today I wish to put into words the journey I have been through over the last year. I do so because this year and in particular the last few months have been one of panic and shame. I will be honest in all of what I say and will admit the dreadful mistakes I have made.
My story starts one drunken night in West Africa. I work over seas and as such my work took me to West Africa for a few weeks work. Here one night I with a few other guys got very drunk. I woke the following morning with a prostitute in bed with me. I to this day have no idea who she was or what happened. She demanded money for the sex I had had with her and left. I was very hung over but slowly the realisation of what I might have possibly has done dawned on me. I simply started to freak out; so much so that I returned from West Africa that week, convinced I had had unprotected sex with her.
I broke down when I got home, I have never done anything like this before, and I have been married for 17 years and have two children. I confessed all to my wife and within a week went and had a full blood test. All was negative. I was told to come back in 3 months for a confirmation test. I never went back, I choose to try to put it to one side, and I choose to try and simply move on with my life and pretend that everything was ok. I had been foolish; I had made a mistake, so I tried to simply move on from it.
This seemed to work for a short time until circumstances took charge of the situation. I was again working over seas, earlier this year. This time I was in Brazil. One evening I was bitten by some insects and the bites exploded with a violent reaction. I checked the net and saw to my horror that violent reactions to incest bites could be a sign of a suppressed immune system. I stayed in Brazil but other systems of HIV started to appear, this was after the bites had healed.
My glands started to swell and my throat became very sore. I started to have the runs and developed night sweats. I was slowly but surely starting to display signs of HIV. Before I came back my mouth became sore and my tongue developed a white coating. I knew it was oral thrush, I had never had this. I started to develop spots on my chest and on my arms. I became convinced I was HIV positive. I had simply accepted it.
Today I finally went back for my second test. I was fighting a war with myself, on one hand still trying to convince myself I was over reacting and on the other hand convinced I was not.
At the clinic I was tested and because I was clearly upset, I was told that the results for HIV could be processed with a few hours. They would tell me today, no waiting,my HIV status.
Approximately four hours after I was tested, back at home I was phoned by the very helpful nurse and given my result. Negative. Everything was negative.
This has been a very sorrowful journey, I admit and one where many mistakes have been made. If anybody reads this post please, please take my advice.
Don’t ignore it; get yourself tested if in any doubt whatsoever.
Don’t freak out, your mind can be your best friend but it can play awful tricks upon you. I had what I thought was clear signs of HIV; I convinced myself I had it. Only a blood test can do this.
Symptoms are not the be all and end all. I had a vast range of them
Finally this has been a journey, which is now at an end. I have put this into words to bring it all to a close. It has taught me some valuable lessons, I have learnt about HIV and Aids and as such am aware of how terrifying it is for those who do not know whether they have got it or not.Please take heart from my words, you are not HIV postive unless you are told you are, after having a blood test.
I wish you all, each and every one of you a happy out come. I hope you all get the second chance I have been given.
God bless you all. Kevin.
Last edited by blokecalledkev; 03-21-2007 at 04:16 PM.
I really do feel for some of the people I have seen post on this forum and although I am now in the clear, I feel I can somehow contribute to help peoples concerns, through my own experiences.
This entire experience has literally changed my outlook on life and if I can help anybody who is going through what I went though I will try to do so.
Equally so I have learnt that people with HIV do not suddenly stop being people, are not suddenly lepers, but are very real people and do not deserve the totally unjust stigma that this still carries. The dread and irrational fear that people have of this is something I was guilty of, because I was uneducated to it all, I was totally unaware.
I hope to contribute to this forum and others in future.
Until then take care Kevin.
Last edited by blokecalledkev; 03-22-2007 at 05:48 PM.
thats great that you learned about it,i have found alot don't and are ignorant but there isn't much you can do for them and thats the reason i keep my mouth shut about it for the most part,its alot safer for me that way.