I got tested for the first time in my life on Halloween evening. Talk about the night of nights to begin the scariest waiting game I've ever been through...
I've never had any reason to believe something was wrong with me. I decided to get tested on everything while I was at the clinic because they diagnosed me with HPV, so I thought... what the hell, let's just be sure.
I don't know if I differ from everyone else this way, but I'm in high anxiety mode. I have been a WRECK the last 4 days. I got sick with anxiety/stress over all of this at work yesterday morning. It takes 10-14 days to get the blood test results back and I could not possibly be any more worked up. Today is better than yesterday, though.
I've had 5 sexual partners in my life. I've used protection with each of them every single time, except with oral sex. I've read about this like crazy and I know the stats and the facts, but still it's not enough to keep my mind at bay.
This waiting game almost seems like more torture than any of the possibilities, doesn't it?
I'm not looking for answers by posting this. I just wanted to put this out there to say to people that if this experience doesn't make you smarten up, I don't know what will. And that it shouldn't take a scare to make you protect yourself by taking all precautionary measures you can. Please don't ever put yourself at even the smallest risk, because a risk is still a risk. It wouldn't be a risk if there wasn't a possibility. I don't want other people to go through what me and millions of other people go through every year when they get tested.
My best friend is coming with me next week when I get my results back in. If everything turns out to be fine, it will be both the biggest cloud lifted off my shoulders as well as the best lesson I've learned to date.
You have no idea how many people are in the same position you are. However, you did the right thing and got tested. It's so hard to convince people that they NEED to be tested. It's like they don't get it. Yeah, finding out you're HIV pos is a devestating thing, but which is worse, dying early and infecting your loved ones (potentially), or knowing that you have it and being able to live a longer healthier life without harming anyone else.
I doubt you're pos, if you use protection, I'd say you're probably fine.
But if you are positive, remember it's not the end of the world. Today's medicines are highly aggressive at fighting HIV. Many people today have been alive 20+ years with the virus thanks to modern medicines.
Try not to worry, you're not doing yourself any good. You're just going to put scenarios in your head and none of them will ever happen so long as you have been safe with sex.
It is important to get tested. Scary, but you're right... so much worse if you wait and wait, or don't go at all.
Come to think of it I think I was tested once before, right after my ex of 3.5 years and I broke up (he cheated on me). I remember a nurse taking my blood and urine samples, so it must have been an STI test. I don't remember it very well because I was so emotionally traumatized. My mom was the one who insisted I do it.
And my ex was the only one I've ever had unprotected sex with in the 5 years I've been active. And I didn't get any positive results back at that time... so I think I'm safe as well. I've always been pretty smart about that stuff. But there's always that unknown factor to be afraid of, and a lot of people don't get that either.
I wish people understood the risks in the small things, though. I find everyone I know has so many misconceptions about it. Even I didn't take it seriously. But when there's a risk, be wary. A risk is still a risk.
One of my childhood best friends died of AIDS, so I've been familiar with the disease for a long time... hence why I try to be as safe as possible. Now I'll be even safer.