insane? - HIV Prevention Message Board

07-28-2002, 11:52 PM

Ok...here is my situation
well, i have been with many guys that i have met over the internet in a span of two years, however most of my experiences involve mutual masturbation, intense body touching, some oral sex (mostly receive). Well anyways the last guy i was with was on dec 13 2001. Then i was studying abroad in the UK til May. I tested like 5 times there (oncee every 4 weeks), then when i came back here to the states i tested twice. All came back negative. I even tested like 20 times when i tested before my incident in dec b/c o the the number of guys i was with before. Realistically, I know i should be negative b/c my last test (3 weeks ago) was negative which was over a 6 month time gap (since dec 13) But now when i look back at everything, I still feel very vulnerable to the virus especially because i tested so much in so many random testing facilities....i mean i even tested in a different country (the UK) not know what they do with the needles they draw blood with. I mean I get scared that maybe the needle that was put into me to draw blood for HIV testing in a testing free clinic in either the numerous places i tested in the UK and the US maybe have been dirty or infected with HIV. Can you get HIV that way or am I just being too paranoid. I mean when you are drawing blood out of the body and if the needle was infected with HIV, is it possible to get the virus in your bloodstream.
--I also had other instances that kind of freaked me out. LIke i was in a sex cinema in spain and i masturbathed in a booth watching a video. I am scared cause i feel that having my bare butt being exposed to the seat and god knows what is on that seat, that maybe i might get infected that way.
--ANother instance was last week when i was working out at Bally's healthclub. I had this fairly big cut on my arm and i was working out on a weight machine having my arm touching the machine not knowing what is on that machine. I know there was someone else's sweat on there, but not sure if there was any blood.
--Overall, as you can see, I am very paranoid about all these instances and i neeeded some input regarding this. Do you think I am ok and shouldn't worry. I may sound a little insane, but i can't take it out of my head. Please help. Thank you for your time to read all of this and for hopefully replying soon.

Yikes! · 07-29-2002, 12:20 AM

You're definitely paranoid, but you seem to have fought half the battle in acknowledging your paranoia. I've been there, and I feel for you.

On to some tips:

1) If you can't handle even touching gym equipment, maybe you're not psychologically ready for sexual relations. Lay off for a while until you get things sorted a bit, so you don't keep piling worry on top of what you already have to deal with.

2) PLEASE get some factual information on how HIV is transmitted, and rely on that information. You may access [url="http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/pubs/facts/transmission.htm"]http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/pubs/facts/transmission.htm[/url] for this information.

3) Related to the above - extensive HIV research on the internet is not helpful (it's probably how you got here in the first place), so keep away. Far, far away, unless you want to totally lose it.

4) Find someone to talk to. We're here, but we may not be able to provide an immediate enough response for you. You may wish to seek out real options like a clergyperson, a close friend, a trusted family member, or a mental health professional. I'm sure you've asked your physician already and you probably will never be satisfied with their response, no matter how many you seek.

5) If you can, take an HIV test. There's nothing like tangible proof.

All in all, calm down and gather some social support. It's a bad idea to let this spread too far, so limit your contacts about this issue to one or two people you can really trust. It may take therapy and/or some medication to treat any acute or underlying problems, but you'll make it through.

sibelius · 07-30-2002, 03:09 PM

Here's my question:

Would not an HIV test, that involved a needle for blood drawing contaminated with HIV, result in a positive outcome? Should one still worry about infection by blood drawing if the test turned out to be negative?

Yikes! · 08-05-2002, 05:02 AM

That story was so elaborate I had to read it several times to understand what you were talking about.

Paranoid? Yes.