HIV Positive Caretaker - HIV Prevention Message Board

Gandalf1 · 11-25-2008, 03:15 AM

We have recently established that our 8 month old son's care-taker (she lives with us) is HIV positive. This was a huge shock for her and for all of us. Her little 11 year old daughter is also positive. Her 14 year old son, however, is negative. Her husband, shot dead about 3 years ago, unknowing to her, started cheating on her after the birth of her son. Needless to say she is very angry and hurt. She has become part of our family and we love her as our own sister. We have been trying, in our own way, to support her by explaining the fact that HIV can be treated and thus kept under control. We have been giving her our support, reading information from the website with her, etc. Her children lives in a different city with her mother. We don’t know how to deal with her little daughter, however. The children are coming to visit us in December. How do we explain this to an 11 year old child? How will this affect our son? Accidents happen so fast - I am very concerned about blood contact.

The problem is when I first took her to the clinic to have the CD4 count they did not even council her. This for me is unacceptable but what can we do – suppose that’s government policy! I will be going with her to get the results on Friday. IF her CD4 count is low, she can start taking the ARV’s and they will give her counseling. If not, they said that there will be no counseling.

We as a family have made a promise to her and ourselves that we will walk this road with her every step of the way and support her wherever possible.

I am just feeling so helpless at the moment and don’t know where to turn to. I need advise please and want to be educated as to the health risks and safety precautions.

I can see that she hurts so bad when I tell her, in a very lovingly manner, that she must take care when she bleeds, we have provided her with gloves, plasters, etc. I don’t know how to deal with this. I don’t want to hurt her feelings but on the other hand, I need to think of my baby.

Please can someone advise me on how to deal with this situation - again, I don't want to hurt her feelings but must inform her and talk to her about matters.

smiteler · 11-29-2008, 06:02 PM

i think you both need to sit down and
educate yourselves on the methods of tranmission together.
the us gov cdc website is a good place to look.
there needs to be a signifigant transfer of fluids
for hiv to be transfered,its not gonna jump thru your skin
because some blood got on it.
hiv isn't as easy to get as you think.
good luck

Gandalf1 · 12-02-2008, 07:44 AM

Thanks for your reply. We have gone to 2 counselling sessions together and this has really helped us. I am aware of the transmission situations. We have discussed this and will just be extra careful if and when she accidentally cuts herself. The counsellor told us that the blood would have to go directly into my baby’s mouth, eyes, nose or an open wound on his body to transfer. She will be starting with the ARV’s in January while I am on leave so that I can be there to support her, should she have any side effects.

My next battle is to deal with the grandparents, more so my mother in law. She said that she would support us in our decision but also said that we would regret it, should my baby become infected, and will blame ourselves for putting his life at risk. She makes me feel that I am putting the needs and health of our caretaker above those of my son. I am really trying hard not to be put on a guild trip. HIV is not a death sentence and no matter where we take our baby or who looks after him, chances are very good that that person is infected as well since we are living in an area where the HIV numbers are picking up at a very fast rate. At home I have control over the situation and I know that my caretaker is aware and alert and will never do anything to harm my son.

I think it is very unfair of her to react in this manner but, on the other hand, it is her grandson and he is very, very dear to her and she also needs to deal with this in her own way. Any advice on how to handle this?