Really Worried - and rightly so.. :( - HIV Prevention Message Board

veryverystupid · 01-10-2009, 04:27 AM

Hi everyone, I did something extremely stupid last night and am now really shitting myself with worry.

I am in Thailand and had sex last night with a ladyboy. I was extremely drunk and wasn't thinking at all straight. I'm now really worried that I may have caught HIV and I can't stop thinking about it. I can't believe how stupid I was.

I want to explain quite graphically what happened as hopefully someone will be able to give me an indication of the risk of infection.

We took turns sucking each others cock without protection, neither of us came but I was too drunk to notice whether he had any pre *** release. I don't have any cuts in my mouth, although did have quite chapped lips a few weeks ago. I also have a lip piercing.

I had anal sex with him using a condom, I have quite a large cock but I'm sure he takes it all the time and was quite accomodating - I certainly didn't notice any blood. Here's the real stupid part.. I then got him to **** me, but we only had the one condom which was the one on my cock, so he just pulled it off, put it on his cock and ****** me. His cock was alot smaller than mine so the condom probably wouldn't have been very tight.

God, just typing this makes me feel sick, I am so stupid.

After a while of *******, I think I sucked him off some more. I then found out a bit later on that apparently he came while ******* me. I'm not 100% sure he did and may have just been saying it for the sake of sounding pleasured, he was still quite hard after so may well have been lying about *******. He would have had the condom on at the time but I very much doubt it was a good fit.

He also rimmed me for quite a while too.

After the act, he left and I just feel asleep on the bed, I didn't wash my *** out all night.

I fingered myself this morning just to see if my *** smelt of ***, but all I could smell was condom lubrication - obviously not the greatest test!

Clearly this ladyboy gets ****** by different guys on a very regular basis. The fact that he carried a condom and washed twice (once before and once after the act) is a little more positive, but clearly he's still a very high risk.

I am so ******* stupid, and am now really worried.

What makes it worse is that I am in a relationship back home and now don't know what to do because I have just read it takes up to 14 weeks to be able to take the test.

When I get home, my partner is obviously going to want to have sex and I don't know what to do. If I come clean and explain that I would rather wait for 14 weeks and explain the reasons why then 100% certain my relationship will be in tatters.

I'm so mad at myself

blokecalledkev · 01-10-2009, 04:38 PM

Hi there,

I would like to give you advice based on my own experiences. Before I do so, I would like to advise you to please stop beating yourself up over this. Please stop imagining you are the only person that has made a mistake. We all screw up mate, we all make mistakes.

My mistake, just like yours was one drunken night. I was out of my tree, the following morning I woke with a prostitute along side me. I was in West Africa at the time.

Like you, I tried to play over and over again what had happened, but uncertainly gripped me. I felt stupid and foolish that, through the drink, I had done something very foolish. Like yourself I also had a partner whom off course I felt I had let down, I had betrayed her trust. Please be assured I fully understand, exactly how you feel right now and please be assured I fully sympathise with you.

Nobody here will judge you nor will anybody call you stupid. You simply made a mistake. We all make them; I guess it’s what makes us human.

As to the risk that you exposed yourself to, to be honest it is difficult to say. Please understand that nobody can offer an online diagnosis, the only way to find out your HIV status is through a blood test. A blood test would be pretty accurate at two weeks. The fourteen weeks you mentioned would be the confirmation test. You could have a blood test at any time between now and then. If your first was negative, then please go back and confirm it at the three month stage. If you have HIV, and I say if, your body will start to react to this virus and produce antibodies; this is what the blood test looks for. Blood tests are very reliable now.

It would be foolish of me to say you have not put yourself at risk, but it is worth bearing in mind exactly what risk you exposed yourself to. The HIV virus is difficult to transmit from one person to another; I have seen statistics that show the odds being 500 to 1 for unprotected sex. Of course this is not absolute but please take my word on this that just because you had unprotected sex it does not mean you will automatically contract HIV. Another factor to take into account is the fact that,realistically,you do not know for certain the HIV status of your partner that night. You have simply assumed that this person had the virus and because you had sex with this person you now have this virus.There are many factors to be taken into account and most of them, even though you were drunk, mate, are actually working in your favour not least of all is the fact that you used a condom.

The issue of whether you should tell your partner, this is entirely your call. I would not advise you either way. I did, I simply could not live with the guilt of making such a mistake and told all. It was a tough time, but my marriage survived and we moved on. Like I said it is entirely you call, but at times like this it is good to have somebody to stand with you.

Please do not do, as I did and try to ignore this and hope it will go away, I assure you it will not. The guilt played on my mind all the time, the scenarios get worse and worse as I imaged my life coming crashing down. Please take a step forward and arrange for a blood test.

Please take care of yourself, please get yourself checked out and PLEASE stop beating yourself up.

Regards Kevin