I have been living a three-month long nightmare and I need an answer. I have been unable to find a reason despite my near 10 attempts to get help. I have been to an emergency room three times. I have been to two psychiatric facilities. I have even attempted to overdose. I have been to doctors' clinics. I can't help but believe that something very strange is happening to me. So, here's my story...
94 days ago, I was exposed to HIV. I was exposed unknowingly to an HIV+ man through unprotected sex. He took the condom off and I found out that he is HIV positive. I was fine and did not intend to speak to him again...until I began having strange symptoms. It started with a few days of night sweats or hot flashes. During that time, I had very itchy armpits for about a day. I woke up one morning and looked in the mirror, and I looked ill and I had a white lump in between my eye lashes on my upper left eye. My vision became slightly blurred and unfocused and has continued. The bump on my eye lid went away a couple of days later, followed by a permanent one under my left eye. I began having consistent tingling in my upper back. It has now lasted three months. My back and upper arms felt hot. My throat and chest felt hot also. I called CDC and without having any idea of HIV symptoms, they told me "night sweats, swollen glands in neck and armpits, white bumps under eyelids, sores in mouth, etc." I completely lost it and attempted to get help for the first time. I spent 6 nights in a rehab where I was tested and they said I was negative. I then attempted to get my children back home, where shortly after, I had extreme fatigue and panic throughout my body and thought I was going to die. I took my kids back to their sperm donor
....and confronted this guy. He basically told me he is HIV positive. He also had several dime-sized dark red circles on his neck and down his chest. I left his house in a rage and took all of my pills because I was emotionally broken. I was found at home in a puddle of blood from my nose after I had been sleeping for 19 hours and taken to an emergency room, where I don't remember anything (including why I was found nude after I fell asleep with clothes on), and then I was admitted to another psychiatric facility. I must say right now... I am not a crazy person. My symptoms are absolutely real. After I was released with a negative HIV test, I continued to have extreme fatigue. My upper back and shoulders constantly hurt and I lost my appetite for several days. A sore appeared on the roof of my mouth and went away a few days later. My gums became swollen and when I brushed, I began bleeding a few times. I had small nose bleeds as well. ALL of my muscles in my body still ache to this day, ESPECIALLY my neck and shoulders. My vision still seems off. I have had strange red dots appearing on my body (some one my arms, back, and stomach) and have two new moles on my fingers. I also have dry, flaky skin and my toe nails look purple underneath (just as I noticed that guy had). Every morning when I wake up, I feel weak and depressed. I remember feeling happy every morning. I remember having energy. I remember having been tested for HIV and feeling happy about a negative result. Something happened to me. Although I've been eating well, I still feel like I did the day after my car accident every day. I hunch over when I walk because my stomach hurts and my legs are weak. Every day, I feel the tingling in my back and I keep trying to roll and adjust my shoulders to make it go away and it NEVER does.
I was tested 86 days after exposure and it was negative. I was told to put it behind me. Unfortunately, I feel that I will be living with these symptoms for the rest of my life. All of my other tests came back fine. I simply and not so simply just DO NOT UNDERSTAND.
I have read about many people who swear they have it because they have oral thrush, rashes, and fatigue... but they continue to test negative. I really wish that somebody would shine the light on this mystery for the ones who feel the way I do. I want to laugh again, run again, play with my kids again, put on my roller skates and race along on a warm day. I want to roll around and feel strong again. I barely have the energy to do dishes. I get lightheaded now.
I understand that my negative results are good news. What really worries me is that I will never think of life the way I did before. I was young and healthy. Now, I feel old and frail.
I am trying to bring myself back up and this fatigue just beats me down.
Could this be some strange new disease?
Please send me an angel.