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Old 12-20-2009, 05:24 PM   #1
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please help I am scared to death!

Thank you in advance to anyone that can help me. I am so depressed and stressed and can't even focus on work or the holidays coming up. I recently went through a very hard divorce and have been very lonely and stressed out. I think that has a lot to do with my lapse in judgement. I am a female age 31, and have only been in only a few long term sexual relationships. About 6 weeks ago exactly, I met a guy at a bar and only after a few dates we ended up having sex. We have had 2 sexual encounters and I will describe them both. The first night, we were both pretty tipsy from alcohol. And, we had had unprotected oral sex both ways, I only gave him fellatio for maybe a few minutes without ejaculation, and then I asked him if he had a condom before we had sex. I remember him putting on the condom, and I also remember seeing him taking it off and the end. I don't even think he ejaculated in the condom because he had been drinking too much. Exactly one week later we had sex again. And, this time no alcohol was involved. But, we had unprotected oral sex for a few minutes and then we had protected sex again. I noticed that the condom didn't cover the whole penis this time, maybe only half or 3/4, but the condom didn't break. We ended up stopping because he said that he couldn't feel anything, and he took the condom off and I ended up jacking him off with my hand until he ejaculated. The very next day after the 2nd episode and 8 days after the first: I woke up and the lymph node in the right side of my neck felt swollen. The next day I felt clammy when I woke up and I felt cold and had chills a little bit that day. I never missed work, but just felt a little bit achy especially in my right arm. A few days went by and then I had a sore throat and my neck still felt swollen as well as my right ear felt full. I checked my temperature several times through all of this and noticed that the highest that it was was 99.4. One time while watching TV I lost hearing in my right ear for maybe 15 secs. Also, my groin felt achy for a couple of days but couldn't feel any lumps and behind my knee felt sore also. Two weeks after the symptoms started, I went to the doctor for my sore throat and he gave me a Z-pac. One week after taking the meds for my throat, I had a small rash on my neck maybe the size or a half dollar. I'm not sure if this was from the medicine or could this be an ARS rash? Since then that went away and I have noticed a few more red pimples on my chest. What do you think my chances of getting hiv from 2 acts of protected intercourse with one time the upper portion of his penis wasn't completely covered but I didn't see any cuts or tears on his penis, and 2 acts of unprotected oral sex with no ejaculation? And, do my symptoms sound like ARS? I am so scared. Also, do you think that the 1st time we had sex there is anyway that he could have taken the condom off for a few minutes without me noticing and put the same condom back on? Wouldn't it be hard for a guy to take it off and slip it back on without someone noticing even in the doggy style position? Sorry to be so blunt....I am just a nervous wreck and need some help please. I guess I am paranoid after these symptoms started happening. This is so hard because I don't have anyone to talk to, and I feel so guilty for this experience. I will never do this again with someone unless we have dated for a long time. Thanks so much for anyone's help

 
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Old 12-20-2009, 06:29 PM   #2
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Re: please help I am scared to death!

You were not at risk for HIV but you were for other STD'S which can cause fevers, swollen lymph nodes, and other physical symptoms. Get a full STD panel at your gyno and get an HIV test for peace of mind (you are negative in the situation you described). I know you must be worried and feel tremedous guilit...THAT "TREMENDOUS GUILT" leads many to obsess about HIV (not saying you) because many people look at this disease as a MORAL JUDGMENT and what you did you feel guilty for (as you stated). Guilt doesn't equal HIV :-) and the act you described shouldn't be of much concern in terms of HIV but you MUST get tested for all others STD'S (also condoms are only slightly effective in preventing STD'S other than HIV...many people don't know this).

Also, before getting sexually involved with someone require a HIV test and other STD testing as well (just for future reference) and DON'T accept the "I'M CLEAN you have nothing to worry about" comments often made....this is what I learned to do after more than 1 mistake in my 20's and it has helped :-)

Last edited by tattoogirl; 12-20-2009 at 06:38 PM. Reason: added info

 
Old 12-21-2009, 06:04 AM   #3
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Re: please help I am scared to death!

Thank you tatoogirl! THat makes me feel a lot better! You are right, guilt is definitely playing a big roll in me feeling so stressed out and depressed! Smiteler if you are reading this, will you please respond also. I know you have been on here for a long time too, and are very informative as well. Thanks to anyone who can help me. I've been so depressed.

 
Old 12-21-2009, 08:54 AM   #4
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Smiteler Please help me

Smiteler and others who have been on the forum for a while, will you please read my recent thread that is titled "Please help I am scared to death, and let me know what you think my chances of getting hiv from this event is. The guy I was with I found out is very promiscuous and also does drugs. I don't think he does IV drugs though. But, this has really made me worry even more. Please help me I am scared to death

Last edited by mod-anon; 12-22-2009 at 08:45 AM. Reason: merged threads

 
Old 12-21-2009, 10:09 AM   #5
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Re: please help I am scared to death!

Hi there,

I am very sorry to read you are so stressed out at this time of the year. First let me say that nobody can offer you an online diagnosis, there is only one way to determine your HIV status and that is through a blood test. Having said that I will comment on your symptoms, please take my word on this. Symptoms, no matter how many you have or how few you may have are never a reliable indicator of your HIV status, as stated there is only one way to determine this.

Please, also take my advise on this, I have been there, when you start looking, start self examinations, you will find signs and symptoms that you will use to confirm your worst fears. Please stop examining yourself, stop looking for ways to confirm your worst fears. Everyday ailments, small spots, slight swellings, and many others things we get daily, we never even notice. BUT when you are looking, when you are stressed, these same everyday occurrences suddenly become major issues. Stress, guilt and fear are very powerful emotions which can and do play a massive part in how you are feeling.

I cannot tell you that you have not contracted HIV through this encounter but I can tell you from what I have read, the risk you have been exposed to is very small to zero. Oral sex carries zero risk and protected sex also carries zero risk.Please understand that the HIV virus is not easy to spread despite what you may have read. I believe the chances of it being passed from one person to another through full unprotected sex is in the region of 500/1000 to 1. Of course this is completely dependent on the HIV status of the person you have the encounter with.

Please try to relax,try enjoy the Xmas period,it is extremely unlikely you have contacted HIV through these events. If you are in any doubt, please put aside your fears and go for a blood test, this will set your mind at rest.

Take care, Regards Kevin.

Last edited by blokecalledkev; 12-21-2009 at 10:42 AM.

 
Old 12-21-2009, 10:58 AM   #6
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Re: please help I am scared to death!

Kevin,

Thank you so much for your response. It is people like you and tatoogirl that make others feel like they have someone to talk to, and put their mind at ease a little. This type of thing, isn't something that is easy to talk to even with your closest friends or family, and I appreciate this website and all of you regulars on here who help others. Thanks for your kind and reassuring words.

 
Old 12-21-2009, 11:17 AM   #7
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Re: please help I am scared to death!

Quote:
Originally Posted by worried78 View Post
Kevin,

Thank you so much for your response. It is people like you and tatoogirl that make others feel like they have someone to talk to, and put their mind at ease a little. This type of thing, isn't something that is easy to talk to even with your closest friends or family, and I appreciate this website and all of you regulars on here who help others. Thanks for your kind and reassuring words.
Hi there,

No problem, I assure you I fully understand what you are going through and you have my full sympathy, I went through it for a long period of time, unable to talk to my family or closest friends about my fears and feeling.

Please rest assured nobody here will ever judge you on your actions, this is not what this forum is about. There are many good members here who will help and guide you through what is clearly a very upsetting and trying time for you. Take my word on this, we all make mistakes, we all make a mess of things and later kick ourselves, but again rest assured from what you have written the risk you have exposed yourself to is very small to zero.

Best regards Kevin

Last edited by blokecalledkev; 12-21-2009 at 11:52 AM.

 
Old 01-01-2010, 01:07 PM   #8
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Re: please help I am scared to death!

I just went to a local planned parenthood and tested negative with a rapid finger ***** test. The test was done 1 day short of being 7 weeks for the last episode of protected sex and unprotected oral and 1 day short of 8 weeks for the first episode of protected sex and unprotected oral sex. Do you think a test at 7-8 weeks is reliable? Are rapid tests acurate? And, do you think that I can rest assured that I don't have hiv? What is the reliability of testing between 7-8 weeks? I still can't seem to put this behind me.

 
Old 01-01-2010, 05:30 PM   #9
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Re: please help I am scared to death!

Well what a wonderful New Years gift!!! A new year to make better choices :-). 3 months is the usual standard of a definite negative...in some high risk situations which yours wasn't, they might test at 6 months (2 people I know that engaged in intravenous drug use and unprotected sexual contact with 2 known HIV positive individuals-1 with full blown AIDS and the other had HIV with low viral load-were tested at 6 months per doctor's advice). Test again at 3 months for peace of mind but I really believe you have nothing to worry about. I understand the guilt and fear you feel and it is normal, just try not to obsess about it, I know easier said than done :-). You made a mistake and you will get through this. Just remember you are being hypervigilent when it comes to your body and the "symptoms" you see and it's coming from fear and fueling your imagination to run wild, try to think logically about what occurred and logic would point to you being HIV negative.

 
Old 01-02-2010, 09:39 AM   #10
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Re: please help I am scared to death!

Hey I know you are very worried but the chances are that Hiv is not your biggest concern. Try to not make those mistakes again. wait 1 or 2 months and get a test. 6 months later get a test again. Don't be too hard on your self we are all human and we make mistakes. Chances are that you will come through this experience a wiser person. HIV is not a death sentence, it's a life style changer.

 
Old 01-03-2010, 10:19 AM   #11
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Re: please help I am scared to death!

Worried78: You never had a risk, never needed an HIV test, and your test results prove that you do not have HIV. You had safe sex. The only issue here is your regret over the encounters. Continued HIV testing is not likely to address that. If you are still experiencing HIV anxiety despite negative test results, you may want to consider counseling.

 
Old 01-07-2010, 04:52 AM   #12
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Re: please help I am scared to death!

Thank you Joggen that makes me feel a lot better. And thanks to the others that have taken the time to answer my question. One of the main reasons why I am still paranoid after my 6 week negative rapid finger ***** test is this: You know I mentioned that I had went through a hard divorce: Well, my ex- husband who divorced me because he wanted to "be single' is now begging me back....and I still love him very much. He went with me to Planned Parenthood and also got the rapid finger ***** test and came back negative, because I wanted to be sure of his status since we have been apart. Anyway, he said it had been over 3 months since he had had sex with a condom. But right after that we had unprotected sex and the next day his neck started to feel sore and he has complained for about a week of both sides of his neck feeling sore. Do you think I could have still been in the window period even after testing after 6 1/2 weeks with what I have been told to be a low risk situation? Does anyone know if smiteler is still on this board? If you are Smiteler, will you please help me? Also Blokenamed Kev? Thanks so much for your help.....

 
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