Hi. I have been in an "open relationship" for a little over a year. The guy I'm with has steadily dated a few other women during, and has had casual sex as well. I, however, have dated only him. 5 months ago, we found out he gave me herpes. Last week he became violently ill. swollen lymph nodes, fever, shaking, diarrhea, sore throat, loss of appetite, sensitive skin, all over aches, weakness, ear aches, etc. It went on for over a week. I'm worried these may be symptoms of HIV. For two months now, I have been his only partner (all the others fell through,probably after he told them he had herpes.), but he has not been tested for well over SIX months and did have partners after that, and DID give me herpes after that.
He will not get tested. And considers me disrespectful for insisting he does. Also, he calls me a hypochondriac. Maybe I would be, if he didn't have multiple partners, and hadn't already give me herpes - which makes receiving HIV that much easier..for both of us.
Point being..... he won't get tested. And I will soon. But I know it's possible my results could be negative even if I have it, if I've only just gotten it. He WONT get tested, so I can't tell that way.
What are the chances that this is what I think it is?
Don't worry. I told him we are not sleeping together anymore until he gets tested. He's ok with not sleeping with me.... ignorance is bliss, I guess.
PS. I gave my virginity to this guy a year ago. I am 29 years old.
Last edited by risingeyes; 04-07-2012 at 05:04 PM.
Re: Female with herpes partner with HIV symptoms...
if you had unprotected sex with this person
there is a chance of you having hiv.
symptoms alone are no determining factor at all.
the only sure way is by testing only.
anything else is pure speculation.
protect yourself first and get tested and always use protection unless
you know a person's status by testing only.
as for him, you cannot make a horse drink
you brought him the water
his lack of concern for you
says you should move on from him
good luck
Re: Female with herpes partner with HIV symptoms...
You may and I stress the word may have put yourself at a risk of an HIV infection. And it is certainly not disrespectful to ask your (long term) partner to test. He as, by his actions, put himself at risk and in doing so put you at risk.
You should look at your own health here and you should test for HIV at six weeks from your last episode of unprotected sex. You should have this result confirmed at 12 weeks.
In the mean time, it is very important, you do not engage in unprotected sex with your partner whose behaviour is irresponsible to say the least. It is this type of behaviour and the lack of care he shows for his own and your health that allows HIV to spread. The risk here is real and it will not go away because your partner wishes to bury his head in the sand and pretend it is not real. It is real, very real. You would be well advised to not take such an attitude with your own health.
I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news here but you should take a good long look at this relationship and especially your partner’s irresponsible behaviour.
And no the fact you got herpes, which is far easier to transmit from person to person than HIV, does not increase (or decrease) your risk of an HIV infection.
Kevin.
Last edited by blokecalledkev; 04-07-2012 at 06:17 PM.
Re: Female with herpes partner with HIV symptoms...
Thank you so much for your replies. I have put my foot down, and am abstaining and UN attaching as well as I can. Our last unprotected sex was probably a month ago.....is it too soon for me to tell? I heard there are certain tests that detect it early on - from two Weeks..is that true? I will keep you posted on the results....
Re: Female with herpes partner with HIV symptoms...
Almost all HIV infections are now detected between 2 to 6 weeks after an HIV infection. I would advise you sit tight for a few more weeks and go for an HIV antibody test, preferably a 4th generation duo. They are very good and a negative result from one of these at six weeks is extremely unlikely to change with a confirmation test at 12 weeks. It is important that you test out to 12 weeks for complete peace of mind.
Please stay clear of PCR tests (viral load), they are now being used as a tool for early detection of HIV. But they are not approved for HIV diagnostics and are very sensitive. Because of this sensitively they can and do return false positives. This is the last thing you need right now.
Well done for putting your foot down and I wish you all the best.
Kevin.
Last edited by blokecalledkev; 04-09-2012 at 01:36 AM.
Re: Female with herpes partner with HIV symptoms...
how did your results go? I've found myself in a very similar situation and i am currently scared to death! i still have 5 weeks of waiting to do before i get tested though. i am extremely anxious and it is consuming my every thought at the moment!!!!
Re: Female with herpes partner with HIV symptoms...
I won't be able to go in for other 2 days.. Ugggg.. BUT. I am finding comfort in the advice of doctors.... Who say that my situation is still moderate risk - not highest. And HIV is not extremely common. My doc says it's unlikely I have it. But i'm still going to get checked, and be more responsible this time around. Will keep you posted!
Re: Female with herpes partner with HIV symptoms...
Quote:
Originally Posted by risingeyes
I won't be able to go in for other 2 days.. Ugggg.. BUT. I am finding comfort in the advice of doctors.... Who say that my situation is still moderate risk - not highest. And HIV is not extremely common. My doc says it's unlikely I have it. But i'm still going to get checked, and be more responsible this time around. Will keep you posted!
please do! i feel like i am in the exact same situation! i have also contacted health lines who assure me that my risk is low. however, being a hypochondriac i am already expecting the worst. best of luck with it
Re: Female with herpes partner with HIV symptoms...
He just told me he got tested already two months ago and was fine..... Do you think it's ok we do it again as long as we use protection? Up to three months after the last person e slept with? Then test, then no protection as long as he's monogamous?
Re: Female with herpes partner with HIV symptoms...
There was never an issue with you having protected sex with your partner. You were advised to stay away from unprotected sex until both of your statuses were determined. Ok, if his last act of unprotected sex was with somebody 3 months ago and he tested negative 2 months ago, it is a very good indication he has not got HIV. His tests were not conclusive but it indicates, strongly, he as not got HIV. If he is willing ask him to retest, if it is negative now it is conclusive and your HIV worries are over.
Many congrats on you negative results.
Kevin.
The Following User Says Thank You to blokecalledkev For This Useful Post: risingeyes (04-20-2012)
Female with herpes partner with HIV symptoms... 
