So, on April 1st I hooked up with some dude (HIV status unknown) in a bookstore/movie theatre. After messing around for awhile, and in the heat of the moment, I put approximately 2" (in case it matters, of my approximately 8", but at any rate, at least my head) of my unprotected penis inside his anus (stupid, I know). Within five seconds (if even that long), I came to my senses and pulled out, and nothing else happened. (Well, I then put on a condom, but it broke before we could continue.) There was no ejaculation and, apart from what was required to enter him, no thrusting. And there were no cuts or sores on my penis. I cannot speak to the condition of his anus or rectum.
Afterwards I didn't worry too much about it since I hadn't deeply penetrated him and since what penetration there was was so brief, but (here it comes) on April 9th, eight days post-possible exposure, I started feeling ill--muscle (but more joint) aches, a couple of bouts of diarrhea, a swollen lymph node on the right side of my neck, slight fatigue, and some unattributable sweating (I have no thermometer, so I couldn't take my temperature). As you might imagine, I am now worried that I've exposed myself to HIV. (Yes, I know that you can't diagnose HIV infection via symptoms, but for me, this is too much of a coincidence.)
(Some other guy fingered me that night, too, but I know that, under most conditions, that's not considered to be high-risk, so I'm not worried about that.)
I will of course get tested, first at one month out (unless I totally freak out and decide to pay for a PCR test), then, if that test is negative, after another month, but for now, how high do you think my risk was? Do you think that it's possible that the bogeyman has finally found me? More specifically, are depth of penetration and length of exposure factors in assessing risk/likelihood of transmission?
Oh, in case it matters, this occurred in the United States. Oh, and I'm also diabetic (type II, insulin-dependent). Thank you in advance.
Hiya, well your concern came after your symptoms which came with 8 days, well be assured thats to soon to be HIV related, so you can rule that out.
Of course you know you had a risk but with the very brief nature your risk is reduced to that of typical anal sex. I would not waste your time with a PCR test, just test at 4 weeks with a 4th generation test like a duo, or 6 weeks with any antibody test, then 3 months for conclusive results. I would also get tested for all std's.
Best of luck
__________________
“Morality is only moral when it is voluntary.”
"Being defeated is only a temporary condition; giving up is what makes it permanent".
You were level headed and sensible enough to realise you were putting yourself at risk and because of this you have kept that risk to a very minimum. Yes it is there, it is very low because of your own actions. You are to be commended for using your head and acting accordingly.
I would advise you maintain this same degree of level headiness as you test out here. I agree fully with the advice Apollo as given you on testing. Please let us know how this turns out and given your extremely brief exposure it is very unlikely you will have contracted HIV from this.
Kevin.
Last edited by blokecalledkev; 04-10-2012 at 01:38 AM.
most likely you are ok,
just get tested to cover your rear end
because sometimes people get hit by lightning..
i doubt you will need it. but
good luck with the test!
Thank you so much to all of you--Apollo123, blokecalledkev, and smiteler--for your advice and reassuring words (and yes, smiteler, I am hoping that I don't get hit by lightening!). I woke up about 15 minutes ago, and I'm feeling better than I did yesterday. Not back to normal, but better. I'll certainly test as you prescribe, and I'll come back and let you know how it turns out. Fingers crossed!
I haven't tested yet because it's still too soon (will do so in 3-4 weeks, after the semester is over for good), but I do have a follow-up question. I swear, I'm not one of those people who comes back again and again and again with questions when it appears that they've had no (or very little) exposure to HIV (or when they've already tested negative beyond the window period), so I hope that you'll grant me your forbearance.
So, it is now three weeks post-incident. You'll recall that, one week post-incident, I began to get sick with muscle/joint aches, some diarrhea, a swollen lymph node on the right side of my neck, slight fatigue, and some unattributable sweating. Well, the sweating lasted for only one night, and the diarrhea (which began 2-3 days after the sweating) lasted only a couple of days, and it seems as if the lymph node ceased to swell after a few days. The things is, though, I am still not feeling quite well. The fatigue seemed to disappear (apart from my normal tiredness, as my combined work/school/commuting schedule doesn't allow for much sleep during the week), but I've noticed the past couple of days that, even with a full night's sleep, I've been more fatigued than usual. Also, I'm still dealing with joint pain in my fingers, wrists, knees, and ankles, along with some neck pain. In addition, I have some nasal congestion (I'm constantly having to clear build-up from out of my nose), and I've had some minor cough that has produced some phlegm (but this hasn't been constant).
You might imagine, then, that I have grown more concerned/fearful that I have--even if the risk was lowered--contracted HIV. I am very interested in what you all have to say.
Whenever in doubt about symptoms, remember the following: symptoms mean nothing & test results mean everything. That's all anyone really needs to know.
Symptoms never confirm your status mate and as such i never get into the road of speculation either way. Your tests will confirm your status, nothing else
__________________
“Morality is only moral when it is voluntary.”
"Being defeated is only a temporary condition; giving up is what makes it permanent".
Buddy, the more you look, the more you will find, the more you find the more concerned you will become, the more concerned you become the more you will look. See the never ending circle here?
Stop symptom chasing mate, they will tell you absolutely nothing about your HIV status. Looking for small signs and clues and trying to read into what is happening to you as an HIV infection is impossible. HIV is never and I mean never diagnosed by symptoms. Even if you were stood, right now in front of a leading expert on hIV, he would not be able to tell you whether they are hIV related or not. He would order an HIV test to be done, to confirm or eliminate the presence of HIV. Guessing at what the cause of your ailments on an internet forum is of absolutely no benefit to you.
Please stay out of the realms of speculating on ailments. Concentrate on facts. Your test will provide you with facts.
While it is impossible for us to tell what is causing your symptoms, I will say that aches and pains as well as fatigue are commonly listed among symptoms caused by stress/anxiety. Hundreds of people on HIV forums who are stressed out about a risk have reported the same type of complaints as you (and think that they're HIV-related), only to feel perfectly normal once they report a negative result on an HIV test. Just something for you to consider.
Yes, of course I know perfectly well that HIV can't be diagnosed via symptoms. I guess that, in some strange way, some teensy, weensy part of me--the part that has gotten tired of wondering just when I will **** up enough to indeed acquire HIV--was, I don't know, hoping (?), that someone here would say, "Yeah, sweetfunkystuff, you most likely do have HIV, so you'd better prepare yourself as best as you can for the moment when the testing counselor tells you, and you might as well begin to make your peace with it now." (Then, again, maybe that's no so strange, because I'm thinking that you've heard this, or some variation of it, before.) So, yeah, there you go. (And yes, I am already in therapy. Not for this kind of thing, but for other stuff.
To blokecalledkev: You are correct, sir--I should indeed stop symptom chasing. On an intellectual level, I complete get that, but when you realize that you've put yourself in a situation where you've exposed yourself (even if the exposure was to some appreciable degree minimized) to HIV, rationality tends to take a backseat. I will, however, try my best, for the next few weeks, to follow your advice and stop symptom chasing and searching the internet for anything that might confirm my sense of doom and gloom.
To joggen: You make a very good point. I, too, have read, on various boards, the posts from people who are going crazy, imagining that every little thing that's not representative of optimal health is HIV-related. Standing in the shoes in which I currently stand, I certainly can't blame them, but yes, I do know that this happens. I was going to tell you that these symptoms that I feel are very real to me and that I couldn't possibly be imagining them, or they couldn't possibly be a product of my constantly thinking about HIV, as I haven't consciously done so, at least not until I notice some "symptom" or other. However, I've studied enough psychology to know that the unconscious mind is always working in the background, and that, even though I might consciously be thinking about my upcoming finals and that all-important term paper that I have to turn in a couple of weeks from now, under the surface, I am indeed freaking about my foolish lapse, and about the consequences that that lapse might have for me.
As I'm sure you know, there is no way for us to control our unconscious minds, but I will make a concerted effort to focus on the stuff that I know is REAL, 'cause really, I need to do well on my sociology final, and I need to turn in a kick-*** paper (which I normally do).
Damn, it's times like this that I almost wished that I believed in a god that was active in human affairs, so that I could pray to it and hope that my prayers would be answered, but I don't, and that's the way that it is. And while I do know in my heart that if, the universe forbid, I turned out to be HIV+, I could handle it (though it would be horrible for me in the beginning) and get on with my life, it's just one more thing that I don't, for a variety of reasons, want to have to deal with, y'know?
Sigh. Okay, y'all, I promise not to post again (a) unless I need to respond to any further comments, or (b) until I've taken the test.
Be well, everyone, and again, thank you very much.
Oh, my, I do declare! I had no idea that this site censored certain words, so I apologize. I take it, however, that y'all can guess which asterisks mean what.
To blokecalledkev: You are correct, sir--I should indeed stop symptom chasing. On an intellectual level, I complete get that, but when you realize that you've put yourself in a situation where you've exposed yourself (even if the exposure was to some appreciable degree minimized) to HIV, rationality tends to take a backseat. I will, however, try my best, for the next few weeks, to follow your advice and stop symptom chasing and searching the internet for anything that might confirm my sense of doom and gloom.
.
No problem buddy. I hear where you are coming from and believe me I totally understand. I do speak from first-hand experience and I can assure you that I did, as do most people, exactly the same thing as you are doing. I spend countless nights over a very long period glued to the net, looking for tell tall signs, looking for the small clues. Putting everything that was happening to me down to HIV. I was so convinced I had HIV it almost ruined my marriage and at one point nearly ended my life. The whole experience had a profound impact on my life and is now the reason I am so passionate in advising people not to do what I did. The damage not only physically but psychologically can be enormous.
When I finally tested negative I was over joyed but I was also annoyed actually, I was annoyed at my own lack of understanding. I was annoyed because I had allowed myself, through my own lack of understanding, to nearly ruin my own life. I was more annoyed at the websites I had visited daily and had utterly convinced me that I had HIV. I know it sounds cliché but I just was so annoyed that I felt that if I came across anybody else who was going through what I went through I would help them out, just say “look buddy this is not how it works, forget all the rubbish you read on websites and get checked out”.
Believe me there are a lot of people going through it. The damage is real, the fears are real and yes they are fuelled by HIV websites.
The reality is far different though. Medical science and HIV tests cut through it all. I so wish I had known that then, but hey I know it now.
Kevin.
Last edited by blokecalledkev; 04-24-2012 at 03:55 AM.
Wow! You really went through it, didn't you? Almost ruined your marriage? Almost ended your life?! Oh, boy! I am very happy that it turned out okay for you, and, of course, I hope that I am as fortunate.
I think that you're absolutely correct about the discrepancy in information that people who are worried/freaking out can find on the internet. And it's extraordinarily frustrating because with so much information (and so much misinformation) out there, it becomes difficult to know what you should believe, and what you should not.
Complicating matters in my case, of course, is that no one can say with any certainty (and by "certainty," I mean statistical reliability, to the extent such statistics can be reliable--you might know the old adage: there are three kinds of lies: lies, d/a/m/n lies, and statistics) just how much risk my brief and shallow penetration put me at, since there have been no studies which take brevity and depth of penetration into account.
Sigh. This is so frustrating. And so frightening. And the fact is, I have no one to blame but myself.
As of today, I'm feeling mostly okay, though I'm still dealing with joint/muscle pain (mostly in my knees, calves, and feet), which, admittedly, I've experienced at other times apart from potential HIV infection. I am also still dealing with some nasal congestion, so of course that also concerns me.
At this point, I am so tempted to just go in and be tested (though I'm only 3.5 weeks post-incident)--or pay for a PCR test to see if there's any HIV in my blood--but I'm trying to hold out. Not because I don't want to know--I really do--but if, the randomness of the universe forbid, I turned out positive, I don't need that messing with my head as I prepare for finals and write my term paper.
And though I've said before that if, my luck be d/a/m/n/ed, it is HIV, I can (eventually) deal with it, I am scared. There's a part of me (the emotional, not the intellectual) that's always figured that HIV would catch up to me one day (I'm 42 years old, so I came of age when HIV/AIDS was believed to be primarily a gay disease, though of course I know that that's hogwash), and now I can't help but wonder if that day has at long last arrived for me.
Oh, well, I'll just try to press on and finish the semester, and then I'll gather my courage and get tested.
More later. And thank you so much for sharing your story.
Last edited by sweetfunkystuff; 04-25-2012 at 11:13 AM.
Reason: Had to correct the adage about statistics.
So, as promised, I am back here to report my results.
I was going to wait until the end of the semester before I got tested because I felt that if the result was negative, I wouldn't want that messing with my head while I tried to get through a final exam and a term paper; however, my therapist very rightly pointed out that not knowing was messing with my head, too, so I decided that it would be better for me to get tested, and if the result came back positive, at least I'd be dealing with the known, and not the unknow. So, yesterday, May 1st, 30 days post-incident, I got tested, and the result was non-reactive.
I am, as you might imagine, relieved. But not so fast, because of course the very cute counselor told me that I would need to retest at the 3-month mark, which I already knew. Having said that, from what I;ve read on this board and various other boards, and from what the counselor told me, I stand a good chance of my 3-month test coming back negative. If anyone feels differently, pleasae do weigh in. Or, hey, if you have any thoughts at all, I'd like to hear them.
In the meantime, however, I want to thank all of you for taking the time to share your expertise and for making efforts to allieviate, as best you could and all things considered, my anxiety. So, yeah, thank you very much.
Oh, yes, I also took the opportunity to get tested for other STDs. They took both a blood and a **** sample, and the guy told me that they would contact me within two weeks ONLY if any of those test came back positive. Otherwise, he said, I'd be okay.
Thank you for the update, your counsellor is of course correct. I would actually put your chances of continuing to test negative as excellent rather than good.
It is far better to be dealing with the known rather than the unknown. It is the not knowing that does cause not end of anxiety and stress but you do know, at this point in time you are negative. I am of the opinion and this is only an opinion you will continue to be but you should see it out and test out at 12 weeks.
