rahul2

Hi

I am a 27 year male from Nepal .I thought I was a gay until two recent sexual encounters which made me realized I am not at all a homosexual .

I never had anykind of sexual encounters in my life before mainly because I used to fear STD mainly HIV .But from last four monmtyhs my family wanted me to get married and settled down but I was unsure abt my sexuality at that time and did not want to ruin the girl's life in case I was a GAY .And being a gay is a complete taboo in this country .You face social rejection if anyone gets to know abt your orientation which is when I decided to create a fake facebook account and decided to explore my sexuality .I met with two guys and then realization occured that I am not at all a gay ...

Here is what happened

On 25th June 2012 I met an old man(45 yearsa) in his home .We talked for 2 hrs before I decided to give him a oral sex .It lasted for 5 minutes .No *** ,pre *** and blood involved .After that he wanted to do unprotected anal sex on me .I rejected the offer saying NO WAY I am doing it withoutr a condom .He said he is a family man and does not sleep with any one and never uses condom while having sex cozx he does not like it with condom .I was terrified
that I gave a blow job to a man who is a potential HIV patient given he never uses condom .After I refused we indulged in mutual masturbation and left .On my home back I realized he had given me a coke .I actually panicked if that contained his potential HIV infected blood!!Three days later I had a sore throat which lasted fopr few days and vanished..

Again on 21st july 2012 I met another guy at my ho,me .We INDULGED in deep french kissing and he wanted me to give him a blow job .I inserted his penis in my mouth for 10 secs but did not like the taste of penis and immediately pulled out .And cleaned the bad taste of penis with a tap water .He was forcing to suck him further but I refused for I rewalized I am not a gay .We indulged in mutual masturbation and he went away..this tiome also no blood ,*** and pre *** involved .But unlike the first time this time there were some cuts in my mouth which made me terrified and I lost two nights of sleep over this and also realize he made a cut in my lips with his teeth during the deep kissinbg episode ..

I felt like a fool for indulging in such horrible encounters with random men whose HIV status I was not sure .I asked the first indirectly if he had any diseases and he said by the grace of god he is totally healthy and fine .,I asked the second man abt his status and he was rather terrified that why I am asking question like this and said he was really terrified if I was an HIV positive instead ..

Everything was going fine(even though I was living under the constant fear) until 1st of August when I suddenly had a huge rectal bleeding .I was literally passing blood instead of Stoool!!I could not tell this abt my parents for I thought It was related to HIV .I thought everything was finished and I decided to jump from the cliff .I reached the spot but just when I was abt to jump , I thought why not get tested first! I was really terrified at the idea of taking a test earlier but with this episode I thought I was confirmed positive hence did not have any fear.

On 2nd Aug ,I did the first test(38 days from the first and 13 days from the second)--Result was NEGATIVE!! It was a rapid test


But I was not convinced .So On 5th Aug ,I did the second test(41 days from the first and 16 days from the second)--Result was NEGATIVE!!

On 16th Aug ,I did the third test(52 days from the first and 27 days from the second)--Result was NEGATIVE!!


On 21sth Aug ,I did the fourth test(57 days from the first and 32 days from the second)--Result was NEGATIVE!!


On 26th Aug ,I did the fifth test(62 days from the first and 37 days from the second)--Result was NEGATIVE!!



I have taken 10 days leave from the work for I am just not able to concentrate on anything.I have lost the plot .I leave the home saying I am going to work but I go to random parks and keep crying the whole day

And the diaarrhea is not stopping (for a month now) which has worried me no end..




PLease help