stupidbutscared

Hi all,

Firstly I want to clarify that I am completely aware the situation I am in is of my own doing. I was very stupid and now have to live with the consequences. That said, I am petrified and the anxiety is really taking hold of me and I can't think about anything else.

13 days ago I had unprotected receptive anal sex with a white gay man (don't know his status) in a London sauna. He ejaculated inside me and there was no bleeding on my part (nor any other evidence of trauma or pain).

I was tested for HIV in July and was clear. This is he only time I've had unprotected sex since then but I've convinced myself I must have been infected. I've been reading every website on the topic and am now in a real state where it's impacting my mood at work and home. I haven't shown any symptoms yet but think the anxiety is now making me think I am getting a sore throat.

I have researched the risk factor and see it is around 1/1112 for receptive unprotected sex with someone of unknown status. I know it's much higher for sex with someone who is HIV positive.

To make it worse I have a partner of 3 years. We have always been tested together and are both negative. I feel so much guilt and think the thought of losing my BF is scaring me more than anything. Our next test is in 5 weeks time (which will be 7 weeks after my potential exposure).

I am genuinely aware that I'm an idiot but please be assured I am not in a good frame of mind. It has taken a lot to post and really hope to not get judged but find some genuine support through this difficult time.

Thanking you in advance.