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Old 11-09-2012, 07:07 AM   #1
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Unhappy I'm pretty sure I've contracted HIV.

I am so ashamed of myself and scared to death. My husband and I split up and were getting a divorce, I was extremely distraught and broken up about it. I went on a kick of "screw it, life is short" I got a job as a bartender, stopped going to church, started drinking terrible amounts, and was just down right terrible. I went looking for love in all the wrong places, I had unprotected sex with my ex-boyfriend. I didn't think to use a condom because for some dumb reason I trusted him. We had sex for about 5 minutes maybe a little longer, and he ejaculated outside of me. I didn't think anything of it at the time. I also almost had sex with another guy that I had only knew for a short period of time. He gave me oral, and we attempted to have sex but he couldn't stay errect, so he was only partially inside of me for a little bit until we gave up.(no ejaculation) I don't know why I didnt think to use protection. It was such an in the moment, screw it kind of thing. I am so disgusted and terrified. I didn't think anything of either situation until about 7 weeks after the incident when I got these pimples on my neck, they were there for about a month, they were slightly itchy. Then at another random time I was waking up in the morning with a sore throat for like 2 weeks. It would go away after arising out of bed, but It's not normal for me to have a sore throat in the morning. Then out of nowhere my sinuses became swollen, and I had a salty taste in my mouth for a long time. Then about 2 months after the incidents, my impacted wisdom tooth became infected. Then I felt a small lymph node on the back of my neck. Then after the pain went away from the wisdom tooth, I had a strange pain in my neck and I noticed I had one palpable anterior cervical lymph node on each side of my neck (about 1mm in size) Then I noticed I have what feels like a matted lymph node on the side of my neck (2 very small ones and one that is about 1mm all stuck together) All of the sudden these symptoms are coming out of nowhere. They arent happening at the same time but they are all happening. I have joint pain. I had an ulcer on my tongue and cheek one day at the same time. I dont know if it was from me biting my tongue or cheek but I havent had an ulcer since I was a kid. I have been tired. I just don't feel well. The problem is, after all of this stuff happend I told my husband what I had done and he still wanted to work things out. No we are back together and I am scared to death I have contracted HIV. I spoke to both of the guys and they both said they don't have it but I know you cant go on someones word. I have been spending literally the last two months on the internet googling stupid symptoms. I can't stop. It's like every moment I feel a symptom, I have to get on the internet and look it up. I am so incredibly terrified. I wont have sex with my husband and I'm too scared to get tested. I don't want the doctors to confirm my fears. I just need a few months to live like a half way normal person before my life is over by getting a test. I have every single symptom of hiv and it's killing me. I can't stop crying. I am an emotional wreck. I ruined my life for just a moments worth of garbage. How will I be forgiven? How can I continue to live? How will his family look at me? and my family? I cant believe i did this, I am so ashamed and scared.

 
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Old 11-09-2012, 07:39 AM   #2
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Re: I'm pretty sure I've contracted HIV.

Hiya, well hiv has no specfic symptoms at all, so you cannot self diagnose on that basis.

The only way to answer your fears is to take a test, pure and simple. Until then having unprotected sex with your partner should not occur.

Not taking a test wont change your status or your current mental state, but takingma test for hiv and stds could take all this pressure away. You can take rapid tests which give yiu results in 15 minutes, i would recommed one of those at 3 months.
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Old 11-09-2012, 08:18 AM   #3
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Re: I'm pretty sure I've contracted HIV.

hiv is something that you should conceed all of this power to .
living with it is not as bad as you are fearing..
its been with me a long time.

anyway,most likely you are ok
and the only way you will know if you are ok is by getting tested.

no matter what the outcome is
the sun will come up and your life will continue on as it has
don't let your imagination tell you anything different..
good luck

 
Old 11-09-2012, 10:23 AM   #4
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Re: I'm pretty sure I've contracted HIV.

I have been in the same boat, was so scared I contracted HIV. I am planning on seeing a dr next week for a follow up test I was negative after 3-4 weeks. I got the test because I develop a yeast infection while i was showering I noticed it after I rinsed the soap away. I posted a thread and was told things like dove soap can cause yeast infections and have been so stressed over the last 2 months over it even though i got one negative result. I have had headaches, and tiredness especially today. But those things can also be related to my yeast infection problem which I believe it is so try not to symptom surf and get tested like I did. I was symptom surfing day after day non stop ruined my life so stay of google because every site as i found says different things. take a deep breath and go see your GP as soon as you can.

 
Old 11-09-2012, 01:34 PM   #5
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Unhappy Re: I'm pretty sure I've contracted HIV.

Thanks for your replies. I honestly truely believe that I did contract HIV. I just don't feel well. I have an ear problem doing on right now, my stomach is upset, I have been tired everyday. I have been sleeping more than normal. Just feeling different than I used to. I will get tested in Febuary. I want to spend these next few months just being as normal as possible without a diagnoses. Everything will change once I get those test results back. I just want to spend the next few months loving my husband and my life with him until I get my results, because I know after that it's pretty much going to be over. If I had any other reason to explain my lymph nodes and all of these symptoms I would be so happy, but it all just points to one thing. I'm so heartbroken.

 
Old 11-09-2012, 02:40 PM   #6
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Re: I'm pretty sure I've contracted HIV.

So you think you have hiv based on no facts but are are you having unprotected sex?
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“Morality is only moral when it is voluntary.”

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Old 11-09-2012, 04:22 PM   #7
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Re: I'm pretty sure I've contracted HIV.

Quote:
Originally Posted by pleasenotthat View Post
Thanks for your replies. I honestly truely believe that I did contract HIV. I just don't feel well. I have an ear problem doing on right now, my stomach is upset, I have been tired everyday. I have been sleeping more than normal. Just feeling different than I used to. I will get tested in Febuary. I want to spend these next few months just being as normal as possible without a diagnoses. Everything will change once I get those test results back. I just want to spend the next few months loving my husband and my life with him until I get my results, because I know after that it's pretty much going to be over. If I had any other reason to explain my lymph nodes and all of these symptoms I would be so happy, but it all just points to one thing. I'm so heartbroken.
The last time I looked there were over 400 medically recognised reasons for swollen glands, many of them far more serious than HIV.

HIV is never diagnosed by the amount or lack of symptoms and there is a sticky thread at the top of this board explaining this, please read it.

Cutting through your wall of text and your own need to self-punish there is only one answer to your concerns. An HIV test.

Do yourself a huge favour, if you have not done so, please have one.

You will be surprised and I will be amazed if it down to HIV.

Kevin.

 
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